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2023-11-30 Europe

Ireland Declares Asking An Immigrant To Stop Stabbing You A Hate Crime

[Bee] DUBLIN — Ireland's Prime Minister Leo Varadkar announced that under the nation's new hate speech laws, asking an immigrant to stop stabbing you will now be considered a hate crime.

"We will not tolerate racist slurs such as, 'Please, stop stabbing me, I'm dying'. That sort of hate has no home here in Ireland," said Varadkar. "The vile, xenophobic backlash against people stabbing people ends today."

According to sources, the new hate speech law will also require those being stabbed to keep their eyes closed so as not to develop any sort of prejudice against the attacker. In addition to outlawing whining about being stabbed, the law will also apply to protesting against someone stabbing children. "If a person's culture dictates that they need to stab children from Irish culture, who are we to say which culture is right?" said Varadkar. "Asking people to assimilate into a non-stabbing culture is xenophobia at its absolute worst."

Citizens across Ireland have debated the merits of the new law, however no one outside of Ireland could understand a single word of what was said. Famed mixed martial artist Conor McGregor has become the voice of those opposed to dystopian government overreach, openly defying the Prime Minister to arrest him. Irish police have reportedly attempted to arrest McGregor, but McGregor eluded capture by doing his weird little "Billionaire Strut".

At publishing time, the Prime Minister had announced that for next Saint Patrick's Day the government will hand out stickers to citizens reading, "Kill me, I'm Irish."

Posted by Frank G 2023-11-30 07:21|| || Front Page|| [11142 views ] Top
File under: Migrants/Illegal Immigrants

#1 The Bee, usually, anticipates real world by a few days.

Posted by Grom the Reflective 2023-11-30 09:27|| 2023-11-30 09:27|| Front Page Top

#2 When we only had crimes, we were better off. We were warned that the hate crime doublespeak would be used against us. Terrorism laws have also been misused.

Posted by Super Hose 2023-11-30 10:13|| 2023-11-30 10:13|| Front Page Top

#3 This is already pretty much the case, and we have the receipts to illustrate.

Posted by Rex Mundi 2023-11-30 11:09|| 2023-11-30 11:09|| Front Page Top

#4 imo to convict for a hate crime it must be proven that the accused 'hated'. n'est ce pas?

Posted by irish rage boy 2023-11-30 13:59|| 2023-11-30 13:59|| Front Page Top

#5 I don't think you have to actually hate the person. All you need is to be a part of the oppressor class, and the victim a member of an oppressed class.
This is why blacks cannot be convicted of hate crimes. Or Muslims.

Posted by Rambler in Virginia 2023-11-30 16:29|| 2023-11-30 16:29|| Front Page Top

#6 Looks like The Bee opened a new pallet of strops last week.

Posted by swksvolFF 2023-11-30 16:38|| 2023-11-30 16:38|| Front Page Top

#7 Satire hurts when it's true

Posted by Frank G 2023-11-30 18:53|| 2023-11-30 18:53|| Front Page Top

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