Article

2005-09-15 -Short Attention Span Theater-

Woman complains to cops after hitman she hired fails

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Posted by Fred 2005-09-15 15:25|| || Front Page|| [6 views since 2007-05-07] Top

#1 Either that, or trap them in an abandoned silver mine and fill the place with poisonous fish...

What about luring them to the dungeon of an old castle and pushing them into the inevitable vat of acid?

People have the most touching faith in the power of bacteria. Here you got yer poisonous bacteria; others go with that old standby, urine; and I heard of a case not too long ago where a couple tried to poison a coworker by smearing some candy with -- prepare to be shocked -- raw chicken juice! Fear the bacteria!

Posted by Angie Schultz 2005-09-15 17:09|| http://darkblogules.blogspot.com]">[http://darkblogules.blogspot.com] 2005-09-15 17:09|| Front Page Top

#2 This idjit reminds me of my short career as a 911 operator. One guy called in to complain that the hooker he just paid $20 to didn't perform the agreed upon services.

The officer almost got him, too. The moron realized his stupidity and took off seconds before the cop got there.

Posted by Desert Blondie 2005-09-15 18:39|| http://azjetsetchick.blogspot.com]">[http://azjetsetchick.blogspot.com] 2005-09-15 18:39|| Front Page Top

#3 Bah! Amateurs! Rank charlatans even!

Lessee...there's the tried and true method of dunking the poor victim into a tank filled with man-eating sharks, then there's the sophisticated strap him to a metal table and turn on the automated laser designed to cut him in half, then there's the one where you chase him down the snowy mountainside with a horde of machinegun toting henchmen, and the one where you unleash a deadly poisonous spider in his bungalow room, or the one where you trap him between your beaters and the deadly man-eating tiger, or even the trap him in a room with pointy spikes on the floor and ceiling and then start the ceiling rolling down on him, or the one where the one where he triggers the trap himself and gets this huge rock ball rolling down the perfectly fit tunnel after him, then there's the one where he gets trapped in an elevator car that fills with poisonous gas, and the one where he (she in this case) has to go toe-to-toe with a roomfull of Yakuza swordsmen...

I could go on, but I'm sure Halliburtons' Evil Genius Deathtrap Division is already starting to take notes...

Posted by LC FOTSGreg">LC FOTSGreg 2005-09-16 00:01|| 2005-09-16 00:01|| Front Page Top

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