Customer: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
Owner: We're closin' for lunch.
Customer: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's, uh... What's wrong with it?
Customer: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,... he's resting.
Customer: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
NEW YORK (Rooters) - Two New York men wheeled the corpse of their friend around the sidewalks of midtown Manhattan in an office chair in a failed attempt to cash his $355 Social Security check, police said.
Virgilio Cintron, 66, had died of natural causes when two of his friends, both aged 65, brought him to a check-cashing store in the Hell's Kitchen neighborhood Tuesday.
"They were trying to pass him off as still pining for the fjords being alive," police spokesman Paul Browne said.
The two suspects left the corpse on the sidewalk while they attempted to cash the check, but the clerk knew Cintron and asked to see him.
The two men promised to bring him right back, but when they went outside to retrieve him a crowd had gathered around the dead man. An on-duty detective who had been eating lunch nearby spotted Cintron and immediately realized he was dead, putting an end to the caper. "'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!"
A report of a naked man sitting in a pickup truck near an eastern Montana county road led to a chase by vehicle and searches on foot and by air.
Law enforcement agencies in eastern Montana and northwestern North Dakota were involved in the chase and search Sunday night and Monday. Highway Patrol troopers from both states also were on standby. Forty-year-old Scott Rierson of Walker, Iowa was arrested in Dagmar, Montana nearly 19 hours after the initial report of a suspicious man Sunday night. Authorities say Rierson is wanted on drug charges in California, and allegedly stole the pickup from Minnesota.
Freedom Crawford is sheriff in Montana's Roosevelt County. He says "Don't look, Ethel!" he can't comment on why Rierson allegedly stole the pickup, and why he was naked when he was first spotted on the rural county road. If I had to guess, I'd think mindaltering substances had to be involved, somehow.
Posted by: Mike ||
01/09/2008 13:07 ||
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#1
mighty damn cold in those parts this time of year ain't it. they gonna have a good laugh at his willy if they find him alive
"I wondered why he never wanted to have sex"
"I wondered why she never wanted to have sex"
A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment's employees.
Polish tabloid Super Express said the woman had been making some extra money on the side while telling her husband she worked at a store in a nearby town.
"I was dumfounded. I thought I was dreaming," the husband told the newspaper on Wednesday.
The couple, married for 14 years, are now divorcing, the newspaper reported.
Posted by: Frank G ||
01/09/2008 10:55 ||
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I'd just like a button that would wake up the waiter is all. The rest is pointless, especially if I have to customize my order!
From ATM's to pumping your own gas, grocery stores to airports, self-service has come a long way. With the world's technological advances taking enormous strides, what can possibly be next in the world of consumer-driven convenience?
CBS 2 HD has learned a new trend will be found at your favorite restaurants, allowing customers to place their own orders without the need of servers.
Ever find yourself unable to get the attention of a waiter? It can be frustrating. But soon that may be a problem of the past thanks to new tableside touch screens.
"It's cooler placing your own order on the computer than having a waitress come up and do it," restaurant customer Amanda Rosengarten told CBS 2 HD.
That's because the order goes directly from your fingertips to the kitchen or bar, eliminating the possibility of human error during the transaction process. The new technology is being used at uWink, the latest offering from the founder of Chuck E. Cheese. The company said the new system is providing faster service, fewer mistakes and fewer interruptions.
"Whenever you want ... that extra glass of wine or a dessert Â… bingo, it happens right away," said Nolan Bushnell of uWink.
"It seems a lot more immediate. If I happen to change my mind or need an additional dish, I can order it right away even if the server is busy doing something else," patron Julie Lightner said.
The National Restaurant Association has labeled self-service technology as one of the industry's top trends to watch, including fast-food restaurants to gourmet.
"Forty-six percent of all adults in America today indicate a likelihood of using these systems at a restaurant," said Hudson Riehle of the National Restaurant Association.
Critics fear the trend will lead to less attentive waiters, but Riehle believes the opposite to be true.
"Many of these systems actually have controls in them which can summon the wait staff upon demand," Riehle said.
Riehle also told CBS 2 HD some customers will always prefer a full service experience. However, most diners who've used the touch screens are reporting positive feedback, especially, he said, when they're allowed to close their own bills, or play games while they wait.
"We've had people from all age groups, even seniors, which we didn't expect at all, come back over and over again, having a great time," Bushnell said.
Many national fast-food chains are currently testing these self-service kiosks in some of their own restaurants and drive-thrus.
Marianne Pernold tells 630 WMAL's Chris Core she truly believes that Senator Hillary Clinton's emotional response to her question at a meeting in New Hampshire was genuine. Pernold asked Clinton how she managed to keep going during the rough campaign, and Clinton's somewhat-teary response has been credited by some pundits for her victory in the Granite state Tuesday night.
Pernold tells 630 WMAL she still voted for Barack Obama, because she had attended one of his rallies earlier in the week, and she claims Obama's stirring speech brought HER to tears!
A gang battered a schoolboy to the brink of death with a claw hammer in a scene straight out of a Quentin Tarantino film, a court heard yesterday.
Henry Webster, 16, was struck with such force that an imprint of the hammer was left on his skull, fracturing it in three places.
The 6ft 2in rugby player, who needed emergency surgery, still feels the effects of the "savage beating" by 16 Asian youths, Bristol Crown Court was told.
Four teenagers - Wasif Khan, 18, Amjad Qazi, 19, and two boys aged 15 and 16, who cannot be named for legal reasons - deny charges of wounding with intent to cause grievous bodily harm.
James Patrick, prosecuting, said: "To those who watched it, it made a sickening sight, the sort of violence you would expect to see in a Quentin Tarantino film - certainly not in a playground in a school."
The court heard how a fight "blew out of nothing" in January last year, after Henry ran into a group of Asian boys in a corridor at Ridgeway School in Wroughton, Swindon.
After a brief argument, he was asked to meet the 15-year- old defendant at the school tennis courts later that day.
Mr Patrick said: "It was to be a fair fight. A one- on- one - or so Henry thought.
Amjad Qazi,19, is one of the four teenagers who are charged with inflicting grievous bodily harm
"But he had not reckoned on the fact it was not to be one-on-one - it was going to be significantly more."
The court heard how the defendant had texted or telephoned a group of friends from Swindon, who travelled to the 1,400-pupil school especially for the fight.
In a video interview filmed six days after the attack and shown to the jury yesterday, Henry told police he tried to walk away but the group ambushed him.
"I stood around for a bit, then these men came through the gate and looked around," he said.
"[The 15-year-old] was pointing at me and saying "He's the one, he's the one". A man in a black jacket pushed me and, as I walked away, he started punching me.
"I heard screams, then I was punched in the back of my head. I was curled up on the floor but they repeatedly kept hitting me.
The attack happened after Henry 'barged' into the group of boys in a corridor at the Ridgeway School in Wroughton
"Then I felt the hammer hit the back of my head. I know it was a hammer because if it was a punch, your vision does not change.
"As I got hit, my vision turned to stars - it all separated, what I could see, because it was so powerful."
Mr Patrick said: "Amazingly, Henry remained conscious throughout but his injuries were described by paramedics as lifethreatening."
Witnesses to the assault saw his attackers run off, punching the air and shouting: "We've done it."
Doctors have told Henry he will never recover from the attack
Henry said: "The hammer had gone through my head, through my skull and into the fluid in my brain.
"I have been told I will never recover because the brain cells will not reform."
#1
The claiming it resembled a Tarantino film is out of place. Despite his reputation Tarintino rarely showed violence on screen. In Reservoir Dogs for example the ear chopping was not actually shown, instead a wall was shown and the viewer filled in the blanks. In Pulp Fiction the shootings were not shown, nor the bodies, but instead the screen flashed red and we saw reactions.
This is similar to what Hitchcock did in Psycho with the knife but people don't refer to his films as ultraviolent.
Journalists should try a little harder for a decent metaphor.
#3
This assault/murder attempt is symptomatic; I'd venture that all over the West, the most common victim of an hate crime is a young urban white male, with possibly a young white female as an alternate, sex crimes included.
As for tarantino, agreed, his movies are bloated and hollow; "Reservoir dogs" was ok, "Jackie Brown" was good, IMHO, but all the others are all show, and no substance, just what you'd imagine from a videoclub geek.
#4
too hell with the critics corner on the tarantino film viewers, how about the names of these young men described as asian sounds like alot of muzzies too me
#5
This is well known here, but "asian" is the briton PC word for "pakistanese" (can from the whole indian peninsula too, but since it's mostly used now for race riots, crime, terrorism and islamic militancy...).
#6
What century does Henry think he is living in? He is 6'2 and looks pretty beefy. He thinks some guy is going to show up to an appointed fist fight alone and unarmed?
Posted by: ed ||
01/09/2008 17:11 Comments ||
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#10
In the British press, the term "Asian youths" usually means Pakistani youths, i.e., Muslims. It's a politically correct way to refer to Muslims involved in heinous crimes.
Posted by: Barbara Skolaut ||
01/09/2008 18:01 Comments ||
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#12
Given the lack of hammer attacks in Tarantino films, wouldn't it be more correct to say this is a scene straight out of the British daily papers? Seems like the whole country is turning a little clockwork orangish.
By Nick Britten
A Muslim teenager who was killed and her body found dumped on a riverbank was terrified of being forced into an arranged marriage, an inquest has heard.
Shafilea Ahmed, 17, told friends she was subject to domestic abuse, that she had drunk bleach and self harmed as she became depressed about being forced to marry.
Police launched a murder investigation when her body was found five months after she disappeared in September 2003. Her parents were arrested on suspicion of kidnap but released without charge. The investigation remains open.
The inquest into her death was told yesterday that she ran away for a week with a non-muslim? boyfriend before a family trip to Pakistan in February 2003, when she was introduced to a potential husband.
The hearing was also told her death was the result of being smothered or strangled and it was "not credible" she died of natural causes.
Supt Geraint Jones, of Cheshire Police, said: "Various people tell us she's been running off because she's scared of being married. She made disclosures to professionals in school and friends that she's getting frightened of being forced into marriage."
He said officers arrested her parents after they received statements alleging Miss Ahmed suffered "domestic abuse" and was being forced into marriage.
He said it was suspicious that she went missing "at a time when she just started making contact again with friends" after going to Pakistan, drinking a caustic substance and self harming.
"My suspicion grew and grew and I was satisfied there were grounds to suspect there was involvement in her disappearance," he said. Supt Jones said the family made no attempt to contact Miss Ahmed on her mobile phone. Five months after she vanished, her body was found on a Cumbria riverbank.
Police launched a murder investigation and her parents, Iftikhar, 44, and Farzana, 41, were arrested on suspicion of kidnapping her but later released without charge.
The inquest was told that her body could have been dumped close to the River Kent at Sedgwick, near Kendal.
Witnesses said they noticed a smell from the area five months later before a workman found her corpse.
Dr Alison Armour said it was "not credible" that the teenager died of natural causes. However, she could not give a cause of death.
The skull and her internal organs were missing, some of her bones had been washed away and the upper part of her body was extremely decomposed, she said. She told the south Cumbria coroner, Ian Smith, that she was most likely smothered or strangled.
Mr Ahmed, a taxi driver, said his daughter was a "normal, bright child" who wanted to become a solicitor. She was no trouble as she grew up but "problems arose" when she began sixth form. He said he was surprised when Miss Ahmed, who lived in Warrington, Cheshire, with her parents, three sisters and brother, went missing.
As well as her parents, five relatives, believed to be from Bradford, were arrested on suspicion of conspiracy to pervert the course of justice. They were released without charge.
#1
Honor murders have been going on for many years in the U.K. How long does the average miscreant serve? I doubt they are actually doing life in prison. If it is less than ten years it has no detterant value. The typical religious fanatic would do ten years for his family's supposed honor.
Russia is leading the race to complete a manned mission to Mars and could land a Russian on the Red Planet by 2025, a leading scientist was quoted as saying on Tuesday. Did anyone mention that you have to return the crew safely being part of meeting the challenge successfully?
"We have something of a head start in this race as we have the most experience in piloted space flight," the director of the prestigious Space Research Institute, Lev Zelyony, told Interfax news agency on Tuesday. Please provide your definition of "something" as it seems to be too elusive for me to capture, oh insecure country without so much as a lander on Mars.
The goal of becoming the first country to land a human on Mars is "technically and economically achievable" by 2025, he said. Sure. If you keep stoking terrorism and the price of oil and weapons remains high.
Mars is the most prestigious prize for the Russian space industry if it wants to boost the country's "scientific and political prestige" through manned space flight, he said. How about trying to boost your country's prestige through useful stuff instead of making weapons for idiots?
"We lost the race to the moon," Zelyony said. Are you losers still smarting about that? Get some counseling or whatever and get over it.
The United States achieved that goal on July 20, 1969, when Apollo 11 commander Neil Armstrong became the first man to set foot on the moon. Careful, you you'll agitate the nutters!
The last manned US mission to the moon was the December 1972 flight of Apollo 17. Boy, that was quite a while ago, wasn't it? Wonder what the US could come up with today even though it isn't anywhere near the central focus of their existance.
#2
Well, it is the red planet..... If they do get there, it won't be any of this "one small step for a man, one giant step for mankind" stuff, it will be "we claim this planet for mother Russia." Given the general ineptness of NASA in the last 30 years, we would be lucky to get to the moon to visit the soon to be established Chinese outposts anytime soon, let alone Mars.
#6
The claim that they are ahead comes form the line "we have the most experience in piloted space flight." It doesn't mean they have a working plan or the ability and cash to implement it. This is just hot air and pride.
#8
By 2025 there's going to 20 million fewer russians than there are today and most will be over 50. This would be pretty much the last harrah for Russia (or maybe it will be a birthday present for Czar Putin).
#12
ION SPACE > LIVESCIENCE - NEW RISK TO EARTH FOUND FROM SUPERNOVA EXPLOSIONS. Star 7,500 light years from Earth set to explode soon? DARE TO STILL BE SEEN ON GUAM ON A FUTURE BLINDING, DENSELY FOGGY "CAN'T SEE-ANYTHING-IN-FRONT-OF-ME" DAY IN [formerly]TROPICAL GUAM.
OTOH, last nite a large whitish streak [meteor?]flew over Guam goin' north, followed shortly by USAF-DOD planes in same direction; plus also saw a large strange glowing object in space NOT the Moon and despite cloudy weather. Was alot of low-level lightning here.
28 people are reported to have died in Iran's heaviest snowfall in recent years. Severe snowfalls has left 40,000 people stranded in their cars. Sounds like northern Ohio in January 1978.
For the first time in living memory there has been snow in the country's southern deserts. There are now concerns the severe temperatures may lead to a major shortage of gas used to heat many homes. Natural gas shortfalls were also a concern in the severe Midwestern winters of the mid-1970's. Grocery stores and malls turned their heat down so low their potted plants froze to death. Fortunately with global warming my furnace was idle for 48 straight hours earlier this week.
A multi-volume chronology and reference guide set detailing three years of the Mexican Drug War between 2010 and 2012.
Rantburg.com and borderlandbeat.com correspondent and author Chris Covert presents his first non-fiction work detailing
the drug and gang related violence in Mexico.
Chris gives us Mexican press dispatches of drug and gang war violence
over three years, presented in a multi volume set intended to chronicle the death, violence and mayhem which has
dominated Mexico for six years.
Rantburg was assembled from recycled algorithms in the United States of America. No
trees were destroyed in the production of this weblog. We did hurt some, though. Sorry.
