Article

2023-09-23 Caucasus/Russia/Central Asia

Ukraine Hires Dylan Mulvaney As New Spokesperson

[BEE] KYIV — In a shocking move, Ukraine announced today that they have hired trans influencer Dylan Mulvaney as their official military spokesperson.

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky announced the decision at a press conference today, stating, "In these trying times, we need a professional like Dylan to come in and be the face of Ukraine. He's someone that people unanimously respect after seeing how he masterfully handled his role as a Bud Light brand ambassador. Speaking of which, Bud Light is now the official beer of the Ukrainian army."

Mulvaney has committed to handling one of the most critical geopolitical crises of our time by making disturbing TikTok videos about how little girls love Abrams tanks. "On day 400 of being a girl, I discovered my love for F-16 fighter jets," said Mulvaney. "Yay for being a girl and yay for cluster munitions!"

Zelensky said that he hopes that such a well-beloved and highly respected person like Mulvaney will help to unify the world behind Ukraine. "We recognize that the war has become polarizing and controversial," said Zelensky. "We believe a deranged trans influencer is the best person on the planet to update the world on what your billions of dollars are doing for Ukraine's military. Welcome aboard, Dylan!"

In response to the buzz surrounding his appointment, Mulvaney has posted a video announcing that he's about to make Ukraine the "next Bud Light".

Posted by Besoeker 2023-09-23 00:00|| || Front Page|| [11130 views ] Top

#1 This is actually a genius plan. Now anyone who opposes sending more stuff to Ukraine is not only a Putinist, but also transphobic and anti-LBGTQWERTY++. Take that, you Haters!

Posted by SteveS 2023-09-23 09:14|| 2023-09-23 09:14|| Front Page Top

#2 But, I was already both those things...

Posted by M. Murcek 2023-09-23 09:16|| 2023-09-23 09:16|| Front Page Top

#3 Ukraine's last....face...of their PR Department was a trans dude.

Until he threatened to have anyone less than 110% on-board with his judgement of proper propaganda assassinated.

But don't you dare call dudes hyper-saturated in artificial hormones violent and emotional.

*Ghost of Kyyyyv was a trans, according to lore, a gal IIRC. One of the initial call to arms for Ukraine! was to defend lkewadi+ rights and especially trans rights, which the barbarous Rus would ride down at night.

Posted by swksvolFF 2023-09-23 10:30|| 2023-09-23 10:30|| Front Page Top

#4 Dude looks like a lady.

Posted by Abu Uluque 2023-09-23 13:33|| 2023-09-23 13:33|| Front Page Top

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