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2023-01-26 -Signs, Portents, and the Weather-

[Bee] Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer has unveiled their new mascot, an adorable glob of platelets who goes by the name "Clotty".

"See? Blood clots aren't scary!" said Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla as a smiling Clotty danced onto the stage. "Welcome to Pfizer, Clotty! Let's get one of these little guys into every home in America!"

While Pfizer initially pushed back against evidence tying the vaccine to blood clots, the company has decided to instead embrace it. "We are so excited for Clotty to help us put a friendly face on heart attacks and strokes," said Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla. "Every new COVID booster will now come with a plush Clotty doll you can take to the hospital when you inevitably get admitted with a massive embolus. You'll love squeezing Clotty while they wheel you into the cath lab! Thanks, Clotty!"

The new mascot's reception has thus far been overwhelmingly positive, with Clotty paraphernalia already showing up in several politicians' offices. "Gosh darn it, I love the little guy," said Senator Elizabeth Warren, sporting a Clotty t-shirt as she adjusted a picture of her and Clotty. "Every child in America should be so lucky as to have one of these precious little blood clots. I will continue to do everything in my power to make it happen."

At publishing time, Donald Trump had reportedly added Clotty to his list of potential running mates.

Posted by Frank G 2023-01-26 07:31|| || Front Page|| [11134 views ] Top

#1 I heard eating too many (chicken) eggs causes blood clots.

Posted by swksvolFF 2023-01-26 11:18|| 2023-01-26 11:18|| Front Page Top

#2 Sexist; if its good enough for Rooty, then where’s the pants???

Posted by USN, Ret. 2023-01-26 15:30|| 2023-01-26 15:30|| Front Page Top

#3 I'm told by my doctor that riding the bus to work causes blood clots in 57% of ninety year olds. Something to do with diesel fume I suppose.

Posted by jpal 2023-01-26 16:55|| 2023-01-26 16:55|| Front Page Top

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