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2019-04-19 Home Front: Culture Wars
CNN: 'God Allowed The Mueller Report To Test Our Unshakable Faith In Collusion'
[Babylon Bee - Satire for....nevermimd] ATLANTA, GA‐Anchors at CNN headquarters have made a bold statement of unwavering faith after the Mueller Report revealed no actual evidence that Trump colluded with Russia. "We believe in collusion with all our hearts and will never let the world's teachings get in the way of that," said Jim Acosta while mumbling mantras quietly in a room misty with burning incense.

"If God allowed this report to be written in the manner that it was, He did so to test our unshakable faith in what we know to be true," said Anderson Cooper.

"We believe in the one true Russian collusion, the one that was spoken into truth and made real far before any evidence was brought before this dark world," added Natalie Allen.

All of the anchors began to speak in unison, reciting their statement of faith with eye closed and hands raised:

We believe the true Mueller Report, regardless of the one released by men.

We believe that there is collusion, eternally existent in the person of Trump and the country of Russia.

We believe in the infallibility of the media, sinless, miraculous. We will redeem humankind.

We believe that for the salvation of lost and sinful man, collusion is absolutely essential.

We believe in the collusion of Trump and Russia. All statements and evidence that purports to contradict that truth are lies of the Dark Lord.

Forever and ever, amen.

The anchors then began speaking in tongues and weeping while tearing at their garments.

Reporters fled after Acosta got out the poisonous snakes.
Posted by Frank G 2019-04-19 00:00|| || Front Page|| [11137 views ]  Top

#1 that was was all you had, now you don't have that. i don't understand how some of these "news" networks are still on the air
Posted by chris 2019-04-19 10:17||   2019-04-19 10:17|| Front Page Top

#2 The Bee has been on a tear lately.
Posted by DarthVader 2019-04-19 11:20||   2019-04-19 11:20|| Front Page Top

#3  The Bee has been on a tear lately.

Indeed. It's as if they were divinely inspired.
Posted by SteveS 2019-04-19 13:04||   2019-04-19 13:04|| Front Page Top

#4 The Bee has been on a tear lately.

Indeed. It's as if they were divinely inspired.
Posted by Besoeker 2019-04-19 13:11||   2019-04-19 13:11|| Front Page Top

#5 The Babylon Bee--proving that it IS possible to do satire in today's world (I think...this is satire, isn't it?)
Posted by Tom 2019-04-19 14:21||   2019-04-19 14:21|| Front Page Top

#6 The Bee has been brilliant lately, but to be honest it's a target rich environment and most humor is so lefty they just can't see the funny anymore, and if they do they don't dare.
Posted by rjschwarz 2019-04-19 14:49||   2019-04-19 14:49|| Front Page Top

#7 
Posted by Anomalous Sources 2019-04-19 20:37||   2019-04-19 20:37|| Front Page Top

09:43 Mullah Richard
09:27 Warthog
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