| From Jonah Goldberg's G-File email, too much fun not to share. As penance, I shall ask all of you to subscribe to his work and buy his latest book, which you should do anyway. |
There's something almost poignant in jihadis asking for "understanding and forgiveness" for beheading a fellow jihadi by mistake. This reminded me of the al-Qaeda letter from a few months ago that everyone was comparing to Office Space (Apparently Khaled Abu Abbas wouldn't return calls or file his expense reports on time. No word on whether he obsessively clung to his red stapler).
Anyway, I kind of like the idea of the interoffice e-mail explaining to staff what happened with the beheading.
Hi Everyone,
First let me say that sign-ups for dead-goat polo are almost complete. Practices will be every Thursday after evening prayers. I really feel good about our prospects to go all the way this year. And, if you can, please bring your own dead goat. We can always use extras.
Also, please people, can you please remember that we empty out the cool-food cave every Friday. Sometimes the hummus really piles up in there. And label your containers, people! And not just your first name, otherwise almost everything will be marked "Property of Mohammed! Do not eat."
Anyway, the reason I'm writing should be obvious. Last week we got our signals crossed and beheaded Mohammed Fares. Now I understand that Omar and Mohammed (that is "Fat Mohammed" -- see what I mean, guys? So many Mohammeds!) didn't know Fares. But he was a good guy. He hated all the right people. Always talked about wanting to kill the Jews, the Christians, the atheists, etc.
Anyway, let me say this clearly: Please check IDs before cutting off someone's head. I understand mistakes happen, but c'mon. You know how awkward this is going to make the next inter-agency meeting? He was supposed to bring the doughnuts.
Oh, but there is some good news. Fares was the best player on Ahrar al-Sham's dead-goat polo team. Playoffs, here we come! 
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