 "Inside Track" @ The Boston Herald
h/t Jules Crittenden
Today the Track would like to implore all our loyal fans (especially you up there in New Hampshire!) to vote early and vote often: for John McCain.
Do it - not for the children - but for the Hollywood Obamaphiles who we would dearly love to see just shut the hell up.
Alec Baldwin, we love you. But you didn't move to France - as promised - when John Kerry failed to unseat George W. Bush in 2004. In fact, since we keep Track of these things, it hasn't escaped our notice that you are much better off than you were four years ago. You know, to quote a fellow actor.
 By the by, Alec, perhaps you should mention to your multiple Emmy Award-winning "30 Rock" co-star Tina Fey that - should she make good on her plan to leave Earth if her doppelganger Gov. Sarah Palin succeeds Dick Cheney - she will lose a ton of TV facetime. A McCain-Palin administration is gold for you, Tina. Gold!
Now, four years ago we were in a similar pickle. The Democrat - John Kerry - was way ahead in the polls going into Election Day. The ubiquitous beautiful people were out in force - in Boston - awaiting the big celebration. The Track spent the afternoon knee-deep in Democratic merriment in the Fairmont Copley Plaza's Oak Bar. As night fell - and the polls closed - we ventured outdoors to scope out the slew of stars due to hit the ginormous stage the Dems erected in the middle of a bone-chilling Copley Square.
But a funny thing happened on the way to Kerry's coronation . . . .
Rock stars like Jon Bon Jovi and Sheryl Crow were supposed to start revving up the giddy gathering of a gazillion left-wingers at 7 p.m. But they started much, much later due to some "confusion" coming out of Kerry camp about the returns. Ahem.
 The ubiquitous Black Eyed Peas were there to Get It Started, as were vintage flower children James Taylor and Carole King. But it soon became apparent that their big White House hoedown was turning into a Nightmare on Boylston Street! "It's been an honor and priviledge to work on this campaign," Sweet Baby James told the throng. "I think we've seen an awakening in this country."
Not quite, J.T.
Hollywood hunk Jake Gyllenhaal was in the Hub for the election night party. Oscar gal Hilary Swank, her then-hubby Chad Lowe, Mr. Brat Pack Matt Dillon and actor Fisher Stevens all took the Acela in from the Apple for the historic occasion. We ran into them after Ohio fell to Bush. They were walking through Copley Square like a pack of zombies out of "Night of the Living Dead."
We won't lie to you, it was a beautiful sight!
Later, a visibly shaken Sheryl Crow, who stumbled over the lyrics to "A Change Will Do You Good," tried to put on a brave face: "I think we will all wake up with a positive outlook. There's nothing like a little optimism," she said.
Even the international press was aghast by the political turn of events. "Blah blah blah Presidente Booooosh," spat one Latin American reporter, waving his leather-gloved hands into a camera. MSNBC bigmouth Keith Olbermann had nothing on this dude.
 Kerry and his running mate, John Edwards, were scheduled to make an appearance on the Copley Square stage at 11 p.m., but that was a no-go. The vice presidential loser, however, was forced out of hotel hiding around 2:30 a.m, but the crowd had gone home. Ah, the sounds of silence . . .
You have the power to shut them all up again. The Oprahs, the Damons, the Afflecks, the in-the-tank media, the Olbermanns and Matthewses. Granted, Massachusetts is a lost cause. But we have faith in our neighbors to the north. Go, you Granite Staters! Remember, a vote for John McCain is a vote to put the Beautiful People in their rightful place: France.
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