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2006-10-14 Home Front: Culture Wars

28 Things You Have To Believe To Be A Good Democrat

1. Republicans are opposed to Gay mariage because they hate homosexuals. Democrats are opposed to Gay marriage because they want more votes and don't want to alienate religious voters.

2. The United States armed Saddam Hussein even though all of his planes, tanks, missiles, boats, guns and APCs came from the Soviet Union and France.

3. Full trade with Castro's Cuba, a tyranny that imprisons people for writing dissident poetry and for just being homosexual, should be resumed even though Democrats care about the rights of Gays, but banning trade with Aparthied South Africa, a long-time ally of the United States, was an act of moral policy.

4. The only hope for peace is through the United Nations, an organization where the United States is routinely publicly insulted and condemned as imperialist by every tyrant and fat demogogue on Earth.

5. The best way to improve the morale of American troops is to tell them they are dying for nothing, deny them the chance to win, call them war criminals and attempt to cut funding for their new weapons. And then express shock when 80 percent of them vote Republican.

6. The theory of Evolution should be taught in every school without exception, but Intelligent Design should be banned from the classroom as a heresy and that is academic freedom.

7. Parents are too stupid to be provided with education vounchers for their children, because they are unable to appreciate the outstanding job that public schools and public school teachers are doing.

8. There should be no limit on the amount of money awarded in class action law suits against corporations, but corporations that take their jobs overseas are economic traitors.

9. There should be no limit on the amount of money awarded in medical malpractice law suits against doctors and hospitals, but it is an outrage that medical expenses are so much lower in Canada, Australia and Europe.

10. Common people are too stupid to be allowed to invest a portion of their Social Security "contributions." Government needs to control all of it and force everyone to be part of the greatest pyramid fraud in the history of mankind.

11. North Korean leader Kim Jong-il is a fuzzy, misunderstood fan of American movies and Swedish blondes who would be more than happy to shut down his A-Bomb production line if we would just give him everything that he wants and promise on our hands and knees never to use military force against him.

12. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is a rational leader who appears to hate Jews, Israel, the United States and non-believers because George W. Bush makes him do it. Just ask Mike Wallace.

13. The world would be a better place today if Saddam Hussein still held the reigns of power in Iraq and possessed 15 to 20 percent of the world's known oil reserves with every intention and capability to produce every kind of WMD under the sun.

14. The greatest danger facing America today is not terrorism, Iran, North Korea or the rising power of China, but the proliferation of Walmart stores with their insidious cut-rate prices and non-union employees.

15. Totalitarian regimes that control all human decisions are justified and morally superior to the United States as long as they provide universal health care and sign the Kyoto Treaty.

16. Global Warning is a fact and it is being caused entirely by the United States, which should bear full responsibility for reducing greenhouse gases.

17. The government should take care of all health care needs from the cradle to the grave with no deductables, but the Republicans are entirely responsible for the Federal deficit.

18. The Constitution as written by James Madison guarantees a right to Gay marriage, abortion and pornography, but does not guarantee the right to privately fund ads against a political candidate 60 days before an election, the right to own and carry a firearm and the right to leave all of your hard-earned and already taxed wealth to whomever you choose. hmmmmm....... Mr. Madison, what do you say?

19. A President lying in front of a Grand Jury to protect himself from more charges of immoral conduct is a misdemeanor, but an honorable President who takes America into a war against a tyrant who has lied time and again about weapons of mass destruction is lying to the American people and deserves impeachment.

20. The driving record and Vietnam-era military record of George Bush are legitimate issues, but the fact that John Kerry won three Purple Hearts without spending one night in a hospital to get transferred out of Swift Boats is dirty politics.

21. Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh are intolerant, hate-filled demogogues who have no respect for the views of others, but Howard Dean, Michael Moore and Al Franken are passionate advocates of the Democartic Party who have all the reason in the world to hate George W. Bush and the Republican Party.

22. Financial gain in the stock market and through investment and risk taking is unearned and unethical income, unless it is made by Hillary Clinton in a fixed deal as a reward for her husband's political favors to Tyson Foods and other corporate interests.

23. We will all be much safer if the civil and privacy rights of terrorists, Al Qaeda detainees and others committed to our destruction are protected and the Guantanamo detention center is closed down and all the detainees are given their year in court.

24. The borders of the United States should be open to all the people of the world, especially our neighbor to the south, because immigration is an asset to America. And we should welcome the fact that by 2050 we will all be part of racial, religious and ethnic minorities and that will bring us together in one big, happy gang....... I mean family.

25. The best way to help the young generation become responsible and moral citizens is to ban the Bible and all religion from public schools, never teach any American history that shows America's past in a positive light, make sure public school students all understand that the future is hopeless, pass out condoms to all the students and then express shock when they suffer depression and attempt suicide.

26. When a Conservative talk show host is addicted to pain killers for chronic back pain, he is a drug addict, but when a member of the Kennedy family is arrested for drug or alcohol abuse, he just needs help and support and a few weeks at the Betty Ford to be back at his job.

27. The best way to fight terrorism is to find out why they hate us so much and to correct our faults and limit our greed so that they will love us.

28. In any international crisis with another nation, the United States is always in the wrong because we are chauvinistic, imperialists who want everyone to be like us....... nonaggressive, free, tolerant and opposed to the triumph of totalitarians and fanatics. America is a nation founded on slavery, repression of women and the theft of land from native peoples and Latinos, who deserve to have all their lands restored once the United States has been dissolved to the benefit of all mankind.

Posted by anonymous5089 2006-10-14 07:55|| || Front Page|| [11130 views since 2007-05-07] Top

#1 brutal.

Posted by anon 2006-10-14 14:21|| 2006-10-14 14:21|| Front Page Top

#2 "5. The best way to improve the morale of American troops is to tell them they are dying for nothing, deny them the chance to win, call them war criminals and attempt to cut funding for their new weapons. And then express shock when 80 percent of them vote Republican."

And don't forget: come Election Day, make damn sure you send an army of lawyers out to disqualify every military absentee ballot you can get your filthy hands on. That'll really boost their morale.

Bastards.

Posted by Dave D.">Dave D. 2006-10-14 15:11|| 2006-10-14 15:11|| Front Page Top

#3 One also has to have absolute contempt for fundamentalists Christians and absolute respect for fundamentalists Muslims. Fundamentalists Christians, after all, don't think that homosexuals should be allowed to marry. The fact that Muslim fundis think they should be stoned to death, however, is part of their anti-hegemonic culture, and thus must be respected.

Posted by Pagan Infidel 2006-10-14 16:31|| 2006-10-14 16:31|| Front Page Top

#4 RULES FOR BEING A GOOD DEMOCRAT IN THE 21ST CENTURY:

1) You have to believe that criticizing Thomas Jefferson for his failings is 'enlightened' but criticizing Martin Luther King for his is racist.

2) You have to believe that freedom of any and all sexual activity is a basic right that should be promoted but freedom of religion is a kind of bigotry that should be banned.

3) You have to believe that a society generates wealth through taxes.

4) You claim to be about individual freedom yet the only freedoms you support are those of sexuality and art all other aspects of human existence should be regulated by the government to the point of micromanagement.

5) You claim that 'it takes a village' yet you don't take the time to get to know your neighbors, and your idea of helping 'the needy' in your community is to raise taxes on other people so that the government will spend their money and society's problems will 'go away' without your actually having to have contact with those less fortunate than yourself, or spend your own wealth helping them.

6) You believe that the FBI's tactics against the civil rights groups of the 1960's were wrong but think it was really cool the way the government killed those Christians at Waco and those gun nuts at Ruby Ridge.

7) You believe that it's more important to make sure that nobody owns guns so that you can never be hurt by someone wielding one than it is to have private gun ownership and a check on the power of government.

8) You believe that women are at the same time equal to men and yet possess certain qualities that are superior to men.

9) You believe that there have been problems with the government so the solution to this is more government.

9) You believe that monopolies of businessmen are wrong but monopolies of laborers (unions) are OK.

10) The fact that NOW pushed Bob Packwood out of office for offenses that were lesser than those committed by Bill Clinton (whom they gave a pass) based purely on politics is morally consistent and acceptable to you.

11) You claim that all nonliberals are people who hate anybody who isn't just like themselves, then you embrace political correctness and speech codes which marginalize and attack anyone who doesn't think, act or speak like yourself.

12) You think it's acceptable to try and describe a link between conservatives and Nazis every chance you get (though there is none) but if someone points out the numerous factual fundamental ideological similarities between communism and American liberal thought, they're guilty of something called 'redbaiting'.

13) You believe that if someone is a movie star and a liberal this automatically makes them an expert on the homeless or climate or the rainforest.

14) You believe that all the problems of humanity were created by straight white Christian non Marxist males of European descent, and that if such persons didn't exist, every minority and woman would be a wealthy CEO or a brain surgeon.

15) You believe affirmative action is OK for the police department but not for the NBA.

16) You say you care about 'the children' but you unswervingly support teachers unions which care more about their own paycheck than our kids.

17) You believe that the reason socialism has never worked well anywhere is not because it is fundamentally incorrect, immoral, and unworkable, but rather that the 'right people' were just never in charge.

18) You believe that Hillary Clinton is the smartest woman in history but at the same time had no idea her husband was a philanderer.

19) You claim to be the party of the 'working guy' but all of your social policies have contempt for him and his lifestyle and avocations.

20) You oppose school vouchers on the grounds that you believe it will encourage a takeover of education by 'Right Wing Christian Extremists' while ignoring the fact that Canada has had vouchers for decades and this hasn't happened.

And the one for the road........

21) When someone asks you, "Just how big and expensive should the government be allowed to get?", you don't answer, and just smile.

Posted by no mo uro 2006-10-14 16:45|| 2006-10-14 16:45|| Front Page Top

#5 as good as the original article - no more uro.

These are for being a good democrat - but to be a good liberal there is only one requirement. All you have to do is hate the "correct" people.

Posted by anon 2006-10-14 16:49|| 2006-10-14 16:49|| Front Page Top

#6 A good liberal is a dead liberal.

Posted by wxjames 2006-10-14 16:59|| 2006-10-14 16:59|| Front Page Top

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