Article

2009-04-29 -Signs, Portents, and the Weather-

Protect yourself from swine flu with the ultimate body cleanse!

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Posted by Steve White 2009-04-29 00:00|| || Front Page|| [11132 views ] Top

#1 Do we cleanse first and then realign our chakras? Or the other way 'round? I keep forgetting.

On a more serious note, I'm a bit freaked out by all the attention these types pay to vague and ominous "toxins" in the system, and the fixation with pooping. Poop poop poop.

Dude, we all poop.

Currently there's a teevee ad that is a real head-scratcher. It's for some sort of intestinal tonic that features an animated colon being invaded by apparently un-named and unknowable "unwanted substances", played by icky green balls that implant themselves in divots in the walls of your Barney-purple intestine. Then the happy yellow glowing Balls o' Health sweep in and fill the holes and keep the icky green balls at bay...I guess the icky green balls get flushed into the reservoir so they can pester your neighbor's pooper.

"Unwanted substances." Feh.

Posted by Seafarious 2009-04-29 00:30|| 2009-04-29 00:30|| Front Page Top

#2 Most estimates are that the average person has ten or more pounds of stored waste just in their colon

And some people have three pounds of unused waste stored between their ears.

Posted by gorb 2009-04-29 02:54|| 2009-04-29 02:54|| Front Page Top

#3 I would just like to know exactly what 1918 flu vaccine she's talking about, since if memory serves me correctly, there wasn't ANY flu vaccine until after WW2.

(Although, I have no doubt that many readers of the Puffington Host have way more than 10 lbs of festering waste in their bodies.....she may be right on that.....)

Posted by Cornsilk Blondie 2009-04-29 07:32|| 2009-04-29 07:32|| Front Page Top

#4 Most estimates are that the average person has ten or more pounds of stored waste just in their colon

That's why we use and highly recommend Besoeker's own Go-Lightly cleansing bars. Get that super lean, anorxic, Hollywood look. You'll be back in Spandex in no time. You are what you eat! Don't be a Swine! Get Besoeker's Go-Lightly bars today.

Posted by Besoeker 2009-04-29 07:44|| 2009-04-29 07:44|| Front Page Top

#5 And some people have three pounds of unused waste stored between their ears.

LOL - Contender for Snark of the Day.

Posted by CrazyFool 2009-04-29 08:15|| 2009-04-29 08:15|| Front Page Top

#6 I'll have to try those, Besoeker, when my local store is out of Colon Blow.

Posted by Cornsilk Blondie 2009-04-29 09:09|| 2009-04-29 09:09|| Front Page Top

#7 Whahahahha... "guess AGAIN!"

Posted by Besoeker 2009-04-29 09:14|| 2009-04-29 09:14|| Front Page Top

#8 Bird flu has one symptom that differs from swine flu. With bird flu you have a strong desire to crap on your neighbors clean car and windows.

With swine flu, its the desire to roll around in the mud squealing.

Posted by Lftbhndagn 2009-04-29 09:55|| chandlerswatch.com]">[chandlerswatch.com] 2009-04-29 09:55|| Front Page Top

#9 For those tracking this thread, be sure to check out the Google ads to the right of the screen, full of all sorts of useful ways to run a bore brush through your GI tract.

Posted by Anonymoose 2009-04-29 10:26|| 2009-04-29 10:26|| Front Page Top

#10 I have just one question.....

Does this cleaning operation involve a fire hose or a flame thrower?

If so can I watch?

Posted by AlanC 2009-04-29 11:59|| 2009-04-29 11:59|| Front Page Top

#11 I brew my own beer. If you want a cleansing I highly recomend a bottle of my green beer with the active yeast and some honey. Trust me, you will empty the colon.

Posted by BrerRabbit 2009-04-29 12:19|| 2009-04-29 12:19|| Front Page Top

#12 Most estimates are that the average ~~person~~ lefty has ten or more pounds of stored waste just in their colon

Which explains a lot. As we write at the 'burg, fixed it for you. Remember most lefties don't consider independents, libertarians, or trunks 'average' or a person for that matter.

Posted by Procopius2k 2009-04-29 12:38|| 2009-04-29 12:38|| Front Page Top

#13 Some toddlers never pass the anal (expulsive) stage. They grow up to write for the HuffPo.

Posted by ed 2009-04-29 13:03|| 2009-04-29 13:03|| Front Page Top

#14 This one is easy. Just wait until you turn 50 and your doctor recommends a colonoscopy. They'll have you clean as a whistle in no time.

Posted by Ebbang Uluque6305 2009-04-29 13:50|| 2009-04-29 13:50|| Front Page Top

#15 I DO know this, that "Stored Waste" is still having nutrients extracted right up to expelling, Purge prematurely and you cost the body nutrients, sounds like something a chronic dieter would do.(Along with "Finger down the throat" Vomiting.

Posted by Redneck Jim">Redneck Jim 2009-04-29 14:45|| 2009-04-29 14:45|| Front Page Top

#16 Just wait until you turn 50 and your doctor recommends a colonoscopy. They'll have you clean as a whistle in no time.

QFT. Not a fun afternoon.

Posted by Grenter, Protector of the Geats 2009-04-29 14:59|| 2009-04-29 14:59|| Front Page Top

#17 Also available, Mega Colon Blow.

Posted by swksvolFF 2009-04-29 16:21|| 2009-04-29 16:21|| Front Page Top

#18 Methinks this woman has "issues"...

Posted by tu3031 2009-04-29 16:26|| 2009-04-29 16:26|| Front Page Top

#19 On the old SNL they had a skit about "Fiber" introducing a new Cereal 2X4, they ran a 2X4 through a wood chipper and advertised it as NO SUGAR, HIGH FIBER, ALL NATURAL, ETC same crap you hear on TV.

Posted by Redneck Jim">Redneck Jim 2009-04-29 18:50|| 2009-04-29 18:50|| Front Page Top

#20 The stuff must not work - the Lefties are still full of sh*t.

Posted by Barbara Skolaut">Barbara Skolaut 2009-04-29 19:02|| 2009-04-29 19:02|| Front Page Top

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