Article

2007-07-26 Home Front: Culture Wars

Lawsuits could be putting "Ladies' Nights" in Bars Across the Country on the Rocks.

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Posted by JohnQC 2007-07-26 00:00|| || Front Page|| [11 views ] Top

#1 Next thing you know they'll sue gay bars for discriminating against straight folks

Posted by badanov 2007-07-26 00:26|| http://www.freefirezone.org]">[http://www.freefirezone.org] 2007-07-26 00:26|| Front Page Top

#2 And the feeling's right ... oh what a night NOT in late December back in '63.

Posted by JosephMendiola 2007-07-26 01:15|| 2007-07-26 01:15|| Front Page Top

#3 Lawyers ____________________________.

/use your imagination.

Posted by RD ">RD 2007-07-26 01:17|| 2007-07-26 01:17|| Front Page Top

#4 ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning
pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient
was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

Posted by zazz 2007-07-26 02:19|| 2007-07-26 02:19|| Front Page Top

#5 Maybe Hollander should go after false advertising. There are not many "ladies" in bars, and there are no "gentlemen" in a gentlemen's club.

Of course, if he would just do a little more drinking, he would not get so peeved about things.

Posted by whatadeal 2007-07-26 02:45|| 2007-07-26 02:45|| Front Page Top

#6 Feh. Welcome to the Kalifornia Sausage Factory, we've been staring at our shoes for years.

Posted by ArmChair in sin 2007-07-26 06:05|| 2007-07-26 06:05|| Front Page Top

#7 Ladies night is to get the men laid, asshat. Stop screwing it up for the rest of us because you have the pickup lines of a brain-dead morlock and don't get squat.

Posted by DarthVader">DarthVader 2007-07-26 10:41|| 2007-07-26 10:41|| Front Page Top

#8 To carry on with the theme started by zazz above, I was a witness to the following cross examination in a municipal court case. The Defendant was charged with driving under the influence of alcohol. The arresting officer was a "heavy set" female:

Defense Attorney: On direct examination you testified my client called you a FAT, UGLY, PIG when you placed him under arrest, correct?

Officer: Yes, he did.

Defense Attorney: Which part of my client's statement, if any, did you disagree with?

Prosecutor: Objection. Argumentative !

Judge: Sustained....

**************************************************

Now I'll give equal time to a police officer's great comeback to a defense attorney's question:

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"

A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"

A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

Great comeback.....

Posted by Mark Z">Mark Z 2007-07-26 12:22|| 2007-07-26 12:22|| Front Page Top

#9 No further questions, your honor...

Posted by tu3031 2007-07-26 12:38|| 2007-07-26 12:38|| Front Page Top

#10 Roy Den Hollander is a spoilsport New York lawyer who hasn't been laid in a good long while says Ladies' Night drinks and admission specials are unconstitutional, and he says he's suffered personally.

This putz has obviously never fished or heard of stocking a pond....

Posted by Pliny Flunter1136 2007-07-26 14:28|| 2007-07-26 14:28|| Front Page Top

#11 What's the big deal? Only men show up on Ladies' Night anyway.

Posted by Dar">Dar 2007-07-26 15:49|| 2007-07-26 15:49|| Front Page Top

#12 My favorite:

Lawyer: Did you say the victim was shot in the woods?

Witness: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

Posted by Abdominal Snowman 2007-07-26 21:35|| 2007-07-26 21:35|| Front Page Top

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