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2005-01-12 -Short Attention Span Theater-
Two Old Men Arrested After Telling Lawyer Jokes
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Posted by Pappy 2005-01-12 12:58:16 PM|| || Front Page|| [11138 views since 2007-05-07]  Top

#1 Damn, I thought it was Statler and Waldorf...
Posted by Sgt. Mom  2005-01-12 2:13:02 PM|| [http://www.sgtstryker.com]  2005-01-12 2:13:02 PM|| Front Page Top

#2 Sgt. Mom, If the all the lawyer jokes are true, what's the problem?
Posted by John Q. Citizen 2005-01-12 2:21:28 PM||   2005-01-12 2:21:28 PM|| Front Page Top

#3 Sue 'em if you can't take a joke.
Posted by BH 2005-01-12 2:58:19 PM||   2005-01-12 2:58:19 PM|| Front Page Top

#4 Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

A. One is a foul-smeling carrion-eating scavenger, the other's a bird.

In the same vein:

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

A. One is a slimy, bottom-feeding predator, the other's a fish.
Posted by Atomic Conspiracy 2005-01-12 4:24:23 PM||   2005-01-12 4:24:23 PM|| Front Page Top

#5 So why do lawyers wear ties?
It keeps the foreskin from coming up over their necks.
Posted by tu3031 2005-01-12 4:28:51 PM||   2005-01-12 4:28:51 PM|| Front Page Top

#6 98% of 'em give all the rest a bad name!!
Posted by Sgt. Mom  2005-01-12 4:52:38 PM|| [http://www.sgtstryker.com]  2005-01-12 4:52:38 PM|| Front Page Top

#7 Why don't sharks eat lawyers?

Professional courtesy.

(I am one, so I'm allowed to say that.)
Posted by Mike  2005-01-12 5:01:47 PM||   2005-01-12 5:01:47 PM|| Front Page Top

#8 A hindu, a muslim and a lawyer were stranded near a farmhouse and the car could not be fixed until the next morning. The farmer told the three they could sleep in the barn.

The hindu returned and explained that there were cows in the barn and for religious reasons he could not sleep there.

A few minutes later the muslim returned complaining that the pig made it impossible for him to sleep there.

Soon, there was another knock at the door. When the farmer answered it, there were the cows and the pig.
Posted by ed 2005-01-12 5:15:01 PM||   2005-01-12 5:15:01 PM|| Front Page Top

#9 Mike,

A shark or a lawyer?
Posted by cingold 2005-01-12 5:20:40 PM||   2005-01-12 5:20:40 PM|| Front Page Top

#10 A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?"

"Just send a bill for such advice" replied the lawyer. On the next morning the doctor arrived at his office and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 bill. That afternoon he received a $100 bill from the lawyer.
Posted by cingold 2005-01-12 5:25:15 PM||   2005-01-12 5:25:15 PM|| Front Page Top

#11 A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape. "It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."

The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers -- we had $100 when we broke in!"

OK, OK, I'll stop now ;)
Posted by cingold 2005-01-12 5:26:54 PM||   2005-01-12 5:26:54 PM|| Front Page Top

#12 But . . . I . . . can't . . . . . . stop . . .

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor." "That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?" Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman." "Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?" Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse." The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation. Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
Posted by cingold 2005-01-12 5:38:54 PM||   2005-01-12 5:38:54 PM|| Front Page Top

#13 lol...no one asked you to stop!
Posted by 2b 2005-01-12 5:41:31 PM||   2005-01-12 5:41:31 PM|| Front Page Top

#14 Scientists are now usng lawyers instead of lab rats for research because:
1. Lawyers are more plentiful.
2. They are easier to train.
3. Researchers don’t get attached to them.
4. There are some things even a rat won’t do.
Posted by ed 2005-01-12 5:45:14 PM||   2005-01-12 5:45:14 PM|| Front Page Top

#15 Why are there so many lawyers in Washington and so many gays in San Francisco? San Francisco had first choice.
Posted by John Q. Citizen 2005-01-12 6:20:57 PM||   2005-01-12 6:20:57 PM|| Front Page Top

#16 What are 5,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
A lawyer once moved into a small town. He got no business until a second lawyer moved into town. Then both had plenty of business.
"I once met a most unusual person....a lawyer who kept his hands in his own pockets." - Mark Twain
Posted by Weird Al 2005-01-12 7:48:55 PM||   2005-01-12 7:48:55 PM|| Front Page Top

#17 Cingold: We use that last line a lot in the oilfield, believe it or not...
Posted by Phil Fraering 2005-01-12 9:22:36 PM|| [http://newsfromthefridge.typepad.com]  2005-01-12 9:22:36 PM|| Front Page Top

#18 lmao john q. citizen
Posted by smokeysinse 2005-01-12 10:31:26 PM||   2005-01-12 10:31:26 PM|| Front Page Top

#19 Cingold - I appreciate your sense of humor!
Posted by Frank G  2005-01-12 10:44:43 PM||   2005-01-12 10:44:43 PM|| Front Page Top

#20 What happens when a lawyer takes viagra?
They grow taller.

Posted by John Q. Citizen 2005-01-12 10:51:16 PM||   2005-01-12 10:51:16 PM|| Front Page Top

00:08 Sock Puppet of Doom
00:00 2b
23:56 2b
23:55 Zenster
23:48 Zenster
23:33 Glerens Thimble7229
23:31 Barbara Skolaut
23:28 Barbara Skolaut
23:19 Zenster
23:17 Rafael
23:15 Atomic Conspiracy
23:14 Rafael
23:07 Phil Fraering
23:01 Zenster
22:51 John Q. Citizen
22:47 Atomic Conspiracy
22:44 Frank G
22:35 Zhang Fei
22:34 Bomb-a-rama
22:34 Sock Puppet of Doom
22:31 smokeysinse
22:29 Bomb-a-rama
22:24 Frank G
22:21 eLarson









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