Article

2009-04-21 -Signs, Portents, and the Weather-

Global Warming Alert: Fatties cause global warming

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Posted by GolfBravoUSMC 2009-04-21 07:06|| || Front Page|| [11131 views ] Top

#1 "It is time we took account of the amount we are eating.

Skinny little men in spandex riding expensive bicycles....why do they hate us?

What's coming next.....caloric intake taxes? Food ~~stamps~~ permits? Girth based procreational restrictions? A permanent ban on Anglo-American Renaissance Feasting? Beer and fried foods tax disincentives? Special federal client licensing and eating permits for Hooters and other resturants? A ban on golf carts? Smaller, more compact, mass restrictive airline seating? I recommend ~~The Army Field Manual~~ Army Regulation 600-9, selective weigh-in, marriage licensing weigh-ins, body scanning, pinch tests, height-weight credits. Mandetory Saturday Volksmarching?

Posted by Besoeker 2009-04-21 07:59|| 2009-04-21 07:59|| Front Page Top

#2 Just ignore that 'fat' people are far more effective in storing usable food when famine hit. The only survivors in the collapse of the system that makes society possible [as seen in Ethiopia, Somalia, etc] are those who's bodies can squeeze the last bit of nutrient from something that passes as food. Tens of thousands of years of evolution in an environment that was just as much famine as feast made it a survival mechanism for being around to reproduce. These 'bright' people assume that their environment is not subject to collapse because their 'history' only starts with their adolescent awareness.

Posted by Procopius2k 2009-04-21 08:34|| 2009-04-21 08:34|| Front Page Top

#3 Moving about in a heavy body is like driving in a gas guzzler.

so.many.damn.people.in.many.sizes.

Billions and billions and billions and billions and billions being born round the clock. If it didnt conflict with my faith, I'd say sterilization programs sound good.

To reduce population, I offer a few alternatives:

How about no more quarter beer nights, no more male/female mixers, no more scanty or tight clothing, no co-ed colleges. Bring back a modernized chastity belt. Keep men and women separated, that way they'll become depressed and eat even more. Then when they become supersized to like 300 pounds, nobody will be able to easily get in their pants, not even themselves. The new celebrities will be farmers, because they'll be out growing everyones food and be some of the only skinny people.

Maybe the global warming experts should conduct a study on burgeoning pants, and the extra industrial by-products to make all them elastic waist pants.

Bottom line, to play devil's advocate, would sneaking birth control in the water supply really be that bad?

Posted by GirlThursday 2009-04-21 09:25|| 2009-04-21 09:25|| Front Page Top

#4 This is bad news for places like Mauritania.

Posted by Zorba Craising6734 2009-04-21 09:54|| 2009-04-21 09:54|| Front Page Top

#5 Dammit! Al Gore is using for than his fir share again.

Posted by ed 2009-04-21 10:02|| 2009-04-21 10:02|| Front Page Top

#6 fir = fair

Posted by ed 2009-04-21 10:07|| 2009-04-21 10:07|| Front Page Top

#7 Damn, when I saw the headline I thought this might be an anti-marijuana article. Silly ol' chubby me.

Posted by Cornsilk Blondie 2009-04-21 12:26|| 2009-04-21 12:26|| Front Page Top

#8 More anti-Americanism and anti-capitalism from across the pond. Even McDonald's beats British food, hands down.

Posted by Thealing Borgia 122 2009-04-21 12:29|| 2009-04-21 12:29|| Front Page Top

#9 Ya notice Al didn't bring this one up...

Posted by tu3031 2009-04-21 12:37|| 2009-04-21 12:37|| Front Page Top

#10 Cap and Trade calories. Skinny people could sell calorie credits to larger people.

A typical SF Ruth's Chris restaurant tab:

2 - Fillets - $70.00
1 - Mushrooms- 9.50
2 - B/Potato - 16.00
1 - Mixed/Veg- 7.50
2 - Desserts - 15.00
2 - Coffee - 11.00
1 - B/Cabernet - 55.00
Sub Total $184.00
Calorie > cap - 20.00
Tax -20.91
Tip -36.80
Total - $261.71

Posted by GolfBravoUSMC 2009-04-21 12:59|| 2009-04-21 12:59|| Front Page Top

#11 But people getting fat is a means of sequestering carbon. CO2 leaves the air to become grass, grass becomes a cow, cow becomes food, food becomes a fat person's belly. It's the skinny people who are the problem, they keep buring all the food they consume and return it to the atmosphere as CO2. Do the earth some good, eat a bag of Cheetos and take a nap.

My logic is just as sound as that which the environuts spew...

Posted by Chemist 2009-04-21 13:16|| 2009-04-21 13:16|| Front Page Top

#12 Actually there should be a tax on skinny people. After all they are STARVING THE POOR PLANET by not producing their fair quota of CO2.

Posted by CrazyFool 2009-04-21 13:27|| 2009-04-21 13:27|| Front Page Top

#13 In truth Im skinny and save money on account of it because it costs a hell of a lot less at my feedings because my stomach is not stretched out and grumbling for food all the time.

Im also not completely unfortunate in the looks department, so less "poodle fat" made at chemical plants ends up smeared on my face to make me look okay.

I also consume less oxygen because Im aerobically fit, whereby my lung efficiency means I take less breathes per minute, with better absorbtion. As for greenhouse gas, hey Im just like the average Joe.

And hell yea, I drive my CO2 happy ass to sales in my combustion engine car, just so ya know. My car seats dont have indentations from my fat ass though. Chew on that Gore, your logic is flawed...Fat and thin people drive, and emit CO2 imagine that.

Posted by GirlThursday 2009-04-21 16:40|| 2009-04-21 16:40|| Front Page Top

#14 Oh yea, but one of my pecadilloes is not proofreading properly. Those keys have outwitted me!

Posted by GirlThursday 2009-04-21 16:48|| 2009-04-21 16:48|| Front Page Top

#15 Prolly too malnourished to proofread after all that. :)

Posted by Besoeker 2009-04-21 17:38|| 2009-04-21 17:38|| Front Page Top

#16 hell yea, I hate food, if it could come in a convenient one-a-day tablet, i'd love it.

but on the Greenhouse gas, I fear we're all going to be forced by the gummint to drive those boxy looking fiberglass CAT (compressed air technology) engine cars theyve developed in France. They're actually purdy cool if they could make them look a little better.

Posted by GirlThursday 2009-04-21 17:49|| 2009-04-21 17:49|| Front Page Top

#17 But fat women are useful.

As they say in Maine, "Warm in winter, shade in summer......."

Posted by no mo uro 2009-04-21 18:06|| 2009-04-21 18:06|| Front Page Top

#18 Don't matter much no mo..... so long as they can change a keg and keep an eye on my oxygen bottle. :)

Posted by Besoeker 2009-04-21 18:13|| 2009-04-21 18:13|| Front Page Top

#19 Yes, they are to a point. But thin women can actually bend over to do tasks like gardening, picking up things, and shaving their legs without grunting. I guess it depends where the locale is in terms of usefulness.

Posted by GirlThursday 2009-04-21 18:14|| 2009-04-21 18:14|| Front Page Top

#20 shaving their legs without grunting

Whahahaha! A wicked sense of humour. I love it.

Posted by Besoeker 2009-04-21 18:18|| 2009-04-21 18:18|| Front Page Top

#21 A Mainer's preference, GT, not necessarily mine...I'm not in Maine.

B, wouldn't you prefer a bourbon bottle to an oxygen one?

Posted by no mo uro 2009-04-21 19:46|| 2009-04-21 19:46|| Front Page Top

#22 It's a wonderful world: whatever your taste, there are numerous girls (or guys, as the case may be) to suit!

Posted by trailing wife ">trailing wife 2009-04-21 19:49|| 2009-04-21 19:49|| Front Page Top

#23 ed beat me too it, funny as hell besoeker, we need too see a pic as proof GirlTHursday, j/k

Posted by rabid whitetail 2009-04-21 20:24|| 2009-04-21 20:24|| Front Page Top

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