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2006-04-20 -Short Attention Span Theater-
Why stars name babies Moxie, Moses and Apple
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Posted by tu3031 2006-04-20 00:00|| || Front Page|| [11134 views since 2007-05-07]  Top

#1 They're all just trying to outdo the late Frank Zappa, but IMHO "Moon Unit" and "Dweezle" will be hard names to top.
Posted by GK 2006-04-20 00:12||   2006-04-20 00:12|| Front Page Top

#2 Moxie and Pepsi? I'm guessing Spam and Frito are next. Right, tu3031?
Posted by Eric Jablow">Eric Jablow  2006-04-20 00:24||   2006-04-20 00:24|| Front Page Top

#3 May I introduce my two newborn sons: "DORITO" and "TOSTITO"...
Posted by borgboy 2006-04-20 00:44||   2006-04-20 00:44|| Front Page Top

#4 Rachel Griffiths, being a good Aussie lass, may have named her baby after the poet Banjo Paterson.
Posted by Omumble Threack1633 2006-04-20 05:49||   2006-04-20 05:49|| Front Page Top

#5 I've always thought Zippo would be a good infants name. How often do you hear it now days? Got a kind of a retro sound to it. Bridges the gendor gap, it could be used for either sex. I bet some Hollywoodistanian has already picked up on it though.
Posted by Besoeker 2006-04-20 05:57||   2006-04-20 05:57|| Front Page Top

#6 I've always thought Zippo would be a good infants name.

Too close to "Zeppo".
Posted by Rob Crawford">Rob Crawford  2006-04-20 07:27|| http://www.kloognome.com/]">[http://www.kloognome.com/]  2006-04-20 07:27|| Front Page Top

#7 "Everyone I know with an unusual name loves it," he wrote. "It's only the losers named Dave that think having an unusual name is bad, and who cares what they think. They're named Dave."

"Moxie CrimeFighter"? I don't think that's bad, not at all. What better way to brand her for life as the child of a frivolous, self-indulgent asshole? She'll be grateful to you in later years, I'm sure.

Posted by Dave D.">Dave D.  2006-04-20 08:03||   2006-04-20 08:03|| Front Page Top

#8 Indeed. I'm sure Cher's daughter Chastity is.
Posted by lotp 2006-04-20 08:08||   2006-04-20 08:08|| Front Page Top

#9 I'm not.
Posted by Nimble Spemble 2006-04-20 08:36||   2006-04-20 08:36|| Front Page Top

#10 I'd rather be samed something like Hulphang Uplinger3945.
Posted by Jackal">Jackal  2006-04-20 09:57|| http://home.earthlink.net/~sleepyjackal/index.html]">[http://home.earthlink.net/~sleepyjackal/index.html]  2006-04-20 09:57|| Front Page Top

#11 I've always been partial to Fonte Douchebag von Bananaslammer, but my wife nixed that one with a quickness.
Posted by BH 2006-04-20 10:18||   2006-04-20 10:18|| Front Page Top

#12 Actually, if I were Penn Jillette's daughter, I'd be more pissed about the genes he passed on to me than with any name he could pull out of his fat ass.
Posted by BH 2006-04-20 10:20||   2006-04-20 10:20|| Front Page Top

#13 I remember in the SF bay area in the 60s a guy tried to legally change his name to Jefferson F*ck Poland, but the judge denied his request. Then they argued about a change to Jefferson F. Poland.
Posted by Alaska Paul">Alaska Paul  2006-04-20 10:28||   2006-04-20 10:28|| Front Page Top

#14 "After being charged 20 pounds for a 10 pounds overdraft, 30 year old Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to "Yorkshire Bank Plc are Fascist Bastards". The Bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr Bastards has asked them to repay the 69p balance by cheque, made out in his new name."
Guardian
Posted by pihkalbadger 2006-04-20 10:45||   2006-04-20 10:45|| Front Page Top

#15 I could see giving a kid an exotic name based on one's ethnic heritage - for instance my boy has an out of the ordinary Irish first name based on my wife and my background. I knew some older southern baptist black folks w/very biblical names - Moses being one. However I don't think Paltrow is jewish and is obviously not black. As for the rest - what a bunch of clowns. One more reason to be put off by hollywood narcissism. BTW - I heard that lron hubbard lover spawned yesterday - anybody know what Suri means? Some sort of indian curry dish perhaps?
Posted by Broadhead6 2006-04-20 11:14||   2006-04-20 11:14|| Front Page Top

#16 Hey, I know a girl named Apple. But she's Chinese, and Chinese people often pick wacky English names. I know people named Rainbow, Dolphin, Dragon, Elf, and so on. My own Chinese name means "Radium". But hey, these are people picking their own names, not trying to make cheap headlines by saddling an infant with an unfortunate name.
Posted by gromky 2006-04-20 11:23||   2006-04-20 11:23|| Front Page Top

#17 "Moses" is archaic and uncommon, but not as flat-out wierd as the rest of 'em in the article. I was friends in junior high school with a kid named Moses. Besides the Moses, history also gives us Moses Cleveland (founder of the Mistake on the Lake) and Moses Mamiedies (sp?) (Medieval Jewish scholar and ethicist), and the Coldplay song is probably the best thing they've ever recorded.
Posted by Mike 2006-04-20 11:44||   2006-04-20 11:44|| Front Page Top

#18 "Apples are so sweet, and they're wholesome, and it's biblical," Ms. Paltrow said
How are apples Biblical? Genesis says the fruit of the tree, not the apple.
Now if she'd have said Moses is Biblical, I'd say of course. But no, Moses is from a song. Sheesh.
Posted by Spot">Spot  2006-04-20 13:22||   2006-04-20 13:22|| Front Page Top

#19 Maimonedes, Mike. Nicknamed Rambam (for Rabbi Moses ben Maimonedes). He was also a physician -- personal physician to the Muslim ruler in Cairo, and an overly thriving practice amongst the commoners besides. A busy man. ;-)
Posted by trailing wife 2006-04-20 13:26||   2006-04-20 13:26|| Front Page Top

#20 Thanks for the correction, TW.
Posted by Mike 2006-04-20 14:34||   2006-04-20 14:34|| Front Page Top

#21 Broadhead6, supposedly it means "princess" in Hebrew or "red rose" in Persian. Don't speak the languages, so I really couldn't say if that is real or they are just pulling that outta their asses. I wish they would have picked "Xenu".

I'm surprised they didn't mention one of the absolute worst names ever by some celebrity dork: Audioscience. WTF???
Posted by Desert Blondie 2006-04-20 15:04|| http://azjetsetchick.blogspot.com]">[http://azjetsetchick.blogspot.com]  2006-04-20 15:04|| Front Page Top

#22 Regarding Apple as a name. I'm wondering if Colplay was selling a lot of songs on iTunes the month the Baby was born. I'm also wondering if the kid becomes a musician if Apple records will sue.
Posted by rjschwarz">rjschwarz  2006-04-20 16:25|| bugzilla]">[bugzilla]  2006-04-20 16:25|| Front Page Top

#23 To be honest I always thought most of the 'star' names were created as intentional pseudonames so the kids could have some privacy if desired. It seemed to make sense but this article has made me reconsider now. I'm still pulling for Pen to have done this, he sounds pretty darn smart on his radio show.
Posted by rjschwarz">rjschwarz  2006-04-20 16:26|| bugzilla]">[bugzilla]  2006-04-20 16:26|| Front Page Top

#24 "Why stars name babies Moxie, Moses and Apple"

They're narcissitic, clueless idiots.
Posted by  Barbara Skolaut"> Barbara Skolaut  2006-04-20 17:54|| http://ariellestjohndesigns.com/page/15bk1/Home_Page.html]">[http://ariellestjohndesigns.com/page/15bk1/Home_Page.html]  2006-04-20 17:54|| Front Page Top

#25 The stupid weird name phenom also infests happens at the opposite end of the socio-economic ladder. Unfortunately at that end it's nearly a stone cold education ender. Not many Shaka'rilla or De'Von'Tays make it thru the 11th grade. Dammit.
Posted by 6 2006-04-20 18:16||   2006-04-20 18:16|| Front Page Top

#26 Don't get me started, 6. In South Alabama in the early 60s Trailer was a popular name for a boy. I know a guy named Early (he was a week early).
Posted by Deacon Blues">Deacon Blues  2006-04-20 18:28||   2006-04-20 18:28|| Front Page Top

#27 Ok! Nobody mentioned it so....
This was covered in that famous song...

A Boy Named Sue


My daddy left home when I was three
And he didn't leave much to ma and me
Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.
Now, I don't blame him cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me "Sue."

Well, he must o' thought that is quite a joke
And it got a lot of laughs from a' lots of folk,
It seems I had to fight my whole life through.
Some gal would giggle and I'd get red
And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head,
I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named "Sue."

Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean,
My fist got hard and my wits got keen,
I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame.
But I made a vow to the moon and stars
That I'd search the honky-tonks and bars
And kill that man who gave me that awful name.

Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July
And I just hit town and my throat was dry,
I thought I'd stop and have myself a brew.
At an old saloon on a street of mud,
There at a table, dealing stud,
Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me "Sue."

Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
From a worn-out picture that my mother'd had,
And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye.
He was big and bent and gray and old,
And I looked at him and my blood ran cold
And I said: "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do!
Now your gonna die!!"

Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes
And he went down, but to my surprise,
He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear.
But I busted a chair right across his teeth
And we crashed through the wall and into the street
Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer.

I tell ya, I've fought tougher men
But I really can't remember when,
He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile.
I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss,
He went for his gun and I pulled mine first,
He stood there lookin' at me and I saw him smile.

And he said: "Son, this world is rough
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
And I knew I wouldn't be there to help ya along.
So I give ya that name and I said goodbye
I knew you'd have to get tough or die
And it's the name that helped to make you strong."

He said: "Now you just fought one hell of a fight
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do.
But ya ought to thank me, before I die,
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you "Sue.'"

I got all choked up and I threw down my gun
And I called him my pa, and he called me his son,
And I came away with a different point of view.
And I think about him, now and then,
Every time I try and every time I win,
And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him
Bill or George! Anything but Sue! I still hate that name!


Next.
Posted by 3dc 2006-04-20 18:29||   2006-04-20 18:29|| Front Page Top

#28 Yep, when Chinese choose English names they make some weird choices. I had one guy who worked for me pick the name of a bridge, because he "liked the sound of it."
Posted by phil_b">phil_b  2006-04-20 19:07|| http://autonomousoperation.blogspot.com/]">[http://autonomousoperation.blogspot.com/]  2006-04-20 19:07|| Front Page Top

#29 Gordon Gate?
Posted by Frank G">Frank G  2006-04-20 19:13||   2006-04-20 19:13|| Front Page Top

#30 How old do you have to be to legally change your name? I can tell you I'd be Apple/Dweezle/Moon Unit only as long as I legally had to, until then I'd go by my middle name.

My ex brother-in-law was named York. He went by his middle name instead.
Posted by rjschwarz">rjschwarz  2006-04-20 19:27|| rjschwarz.com]">[rjschwarz.com]  2006-04-20 19:27|| Front Page Top

#31 Water Loo
Posted by RD 2006-04-20 19:28||   2006-04-20 19:28|| Front Page Top

#32 Peppermint
Posted by Frank G">Frank G  2006-04-20 19:42||   2006-04-20 19:42|| Front Page Top

#33 Golden and his brother Slide
Rule

/Miami Trivia
Posted by 6 2006-04-20 19:46||   2006-04-20 19:46|| Front Page Top

#34 I knew a nurse at an inner city ER who swears a kid named Shithead was brought in one night. Mom said it was pronounced She-tay-ed.
Posted by tu3031 2006-04-20 20:39||   2006-04-20 20:39|| Front Page Top

#35 tu3031, that same story is in Freakonomics, so I would kind of look at that with a bit of suspicion.
Posted by Desert Blondie 2006-04-20 22:11|| http://azjetsetchick.blogspot.com]">[http://azjetsetchick.blogspot.com]  2006-04-20 22:11|| Front Page Top

#36 I once knew a man named "Toofi Deep"
Posted by Redneck Jim 2006-04-20 22:25||   2006-04-20 22:25|| Front Page Top

#37 I knew of a Sweet family that contained two girls, Truly and Nicely.
Posted by Mike 2006-04-20 22:35||   2006-04-20 22:35|| Front Page Top

#38 Yeah, DB, I was always kinda dubious about it. Nobody could be that friggin stupid I thought. But then I read about Moxie Crimefighter and figured...maybe.
Posted by tu3031 2006-04-20 23:38||   2006-04-20 23:38|| Front Page Top

#39 In the NICU we had some papers on the counter that had info regarding syphilis and gonorrhea. One of the mother's coming in to see her twin baby girls saw the papers and liked the "names".
She named them syphilis (she pronounced it: saw fy las) and gonorrhea (she pronounced it: gone rye a), I am not kidding you, even when we told her what the words meant she still named them this, saying she loved the names. These girls are probably about 16 years old now.
True I kid you not.
Posted by Jan 2006-04-20 23:43||   2006-04-20 23:43|| Front Page Top

#40 hey any guesses on what brad and anjelina will name their baby?
Posted by Jan 2006-04-20 23:49||   2006-04-20 23:49|| Front Page Top

#41 I'll go with Precious Hosemonster...
Posted by tu3031 2006-04-20 23:52||   2006-04-20 23:52|| Front Page Top

#42 That's crazy. Everyone knows Sawfylas is a boy's name.
Posted by ed 2006-04-20 23:59||   2006-04-20 23:59|| Front Page Top

00:15 JosephMendiola
23:59 Oldspook
23:59 ed
23:53 Jan
23:52 tu3031
23:51 tu3031
23:49 Jan
23:44 Idunno
23:43 Jan
23:43 RR
23:43 JosephMendiola
23:41 tibor
23:38 tu3031
23:30 DMFD
23:30 RR
23:28 Al Aska Paul, Resident Imam
23:28 JosephMendiola
23:26  Barbara Skolaut
23:26 DMFD
23:24  Barbara Skolaut
23:16 Barron
23:16 JosephMendiola
23:03 trailing wife
23:01 trailing wife









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