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2024-12-12 -Lurid Crime Tales-

McDonald's Surpasses FBI In Number Of Shooters Apprehended In 2024

[BEE] U.S. — Fast-food chain McDonald's has officially surpassed the Federal Bureau of Investigation in the number of shooters apprehended in 2024.

Despite having thousands of highly trained agents tasked with stopping violent mass shooters, the entirety of the FBI was bested by a single part-time McDonald's cashier.

"Not again," sighed Director Wray, handing over his resignation. "I don't know how McDonald's does it. How did they beat us at arresting shooters, all while making perfectly crispy fries, a solid breakfast, and surprisingly good coffee? We just can't compete with the golden arches."

In light of this development, Congress has announced all FBI agents will be required to do an apprenticeship at McDonald's to hone their craft. "If you can't beat them, join them," said Congressmen Rand Paul, explaining the new measure. "Every agent will spend time working the drive-through and cashier lines as we work to bring the FBI up to McDonald's level. They will learn how to catch bad guys and cook delicious nuggets. It's a no-brainer."

At publishing time, the DOGE had announced to save costs, it will simply replace all FBI agents with current McDonald's cashiers.

Posted by Besoeker 2024-12-12 00:44|| || Front Page|| [11153 views ] Top

#1 The Bee is at it again, telling truthful stories will get your satire agenda taken away.

Posted by 49 Pan 2024-12-12 10:21|| 2024-12-12 10:21|| Front Page Top

#2 In light of this development, Congress has announced all FBI agents will be required to do an apprenticeship at McDonald's to hone their craft
Well, Trump did it, and look how that worked out.

Posted by Rambler 2024-12-12 10:33|| 2024-12-12 10:33|| Front Page Top

#3 Ooof. Good one.

Posted by swksvolFF 2024-12-12 13:06|| 2024-12-12 13:06|| Front Page Top

#4 FBI had 26 sources in D.C. on Jan. 6, 17 entered Capitol grounds: OIG

Posted by Skidmark 2024-12-12 13:52|| 2024-12-12 13:52|| Front Page Top

#5 Ref 6 above
Precision in language is always essential in dealing with the government protestations of innocence.

"Notably, the OIG found no evidence that the FBI had deployed undercover agents within the crowds. We found no evidence in the materials we reviewed or the testimony we received showing or suggesting that the FBI had undercover employees in the various protest crowds, or at the Capitol, on January 6," it said."

Not that other agencies might have had agents, employees or paid contractors undercover,

Posted by NoMoreBS 2024-12-12 14:26|| 2024-12-12 14:26|| Front Page Top

#6 When this tyranny meets ridicule, the PR tides may have indeed changed.

Ephriam Zimbalist Jr. would have some free time in this environment.

Posted by Anomalous Sources 2024-12-12 19:47|| 2024-12-12 19:47|| Front Page Top

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