Article

2024-01-20 -Great Cultural Revolution

'I Just Don't Know Where We Went Wrong,' Contemplates Sports Illustrated Executive In Front Of Framed Covers Of Obese, Trans Swimsuit Models

[Bee] NEW YORK, NY — After sending a company-wide email to notify all of its staff that they were being laid off, a top executive at iconic publication Sports Illustrated contemplated how things turned out so wrong as he stood in front of framed covers of obese and trans swimsuit models.

"I just don't know where things went south," said Jack Weber. "Did we not get woke enough? Should we have featured trans models even earlier? Was the heavy woman we put on the cover not heavy enough? What was it? Maybe we should've given more consideration to plastering the Pride flag on our cover back in June. I was certain we signaled the appropriate amount of virtue for every possible cause and movement out there. It just makes no sense."

The magazine, long seen as the authoritative source for all sports news, finally cut loose all its workforce after realizing no one was reading the publication anymore. "This really threw us for a loop," Weber said. "We had so many big things planned to turn things around. A salute to Caitlyn Jenner. Naming Lia Thomas our Female Athlete of the Year. We were even in negotiations to have Lizzo as a special celebrity cover model for the swimsuit issue this year. Now, all of that will be lost."

At publishing time, Sports Illustrated announced it had found a new solution to its problems by hiring an entirely new staff that would be the most diverse and inclusive in the history of sports news publications.

Posted by Frank G 2024-01-20 00:00|| || Front Page|| [11137 views ] Top

#1 Let me guess...

Posted by Skidmark 2024-01-20 00:23|| 2024-01-20 00:23|| Front Page Top

#2 Awesome as always, but I think I like my Bee headlines better without Daily Mail grammar. Unless that's a "transitivity" gag, in which case never mind.

Posted by Shimp Peacock8981 2024-01-20 00:25|| 2024-01-20 00:25|| Front Page Top

#3
<"I Just Don't Know Where We Went Wrong..."

So let me simplify it.

When you chose to pander new age, PC, New Normal-Abnormal trends, a Media/Political promoted agenda over your paying customer demographic base, you will always see red ink and get screwed.

eg. Target, Bud Light, Star Bucks, Ben and Jerry.

Like it or not, a majority of your sells and profits come from the pockets of NORMAL people.

Posted by NN2N1 2024-01-20 08:20|| 2024-01-20 08:20|| Front Page Top

#4 Their audience is more... selective...

Posted by M. Murcek 2024-01-20 08:24|| 2024-01-20 08:24|| Front Page Top

#5 Here you go Shrimp:

Publisher of Sports Illustrated Lays Off Magazine’s Entire Staff

Posted by Skidmark 2024-01-20 09:14|| 2024-01-20 09:14|| Front Page Top

#6 Dad Punishes Misbehaving Son By Giving Him Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue

Posted by Frank G 2024-01-20 09:38|| 2024-01-20 09:38|| Front Page Top

#7 Sure this is Bee? I can actually hear this conversation being had after the phone was hung up.

Posted by swksvolFF 2024-01-20 10:12|| 2024-01-20 10:12|| Front Page Top

#8 Yeah, the Rubenesque period was over a long time ago.

Posted by Mullah Richard 2024-01-20 13:07|| 2024-01-20 13:07|| Front Page Top

#9 I can’t think of the last time I purchased a magazine of any sort. They might as well have been producing VHS tapes.

Posted by Super Hose 2024-01-20 14:58|| 2024-01-20 14:58|| Front Page Top

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