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2023-11-29 -Great Cultural Revolution

Disney Awarded Defense Contract After Producing More Bombs Than Lockheed Martin

[Bee] BURBANK, CA — In what the United States Government hopes will be the start of a long and fruitful partnership, The Walt Disney Company has been awarded a lucrative Department of Defense contract after overtaking Lockheed Martin in the production of bombs.

"This is a momentous day for our company," said Disney CEO Bob Iger. "We now have a useful channel to funnel our bomb-making efforts. Though the fact that we have been producing bombs of immense scale for the last decade has previously only resulted in losing hundreds of millions of dollars, we can now actually make money with our bombs."

After awarding large defense contracts to industry mainstays like Lockheed Martin, Raytheon, Northrop Grumman, and Honeywell, officials within the Pentagon were shocked and impressed to discover the long line of devastating bombs produced by Disney in recent years. "We thought we knew where to find the biggest bombs," said Gen. Richard Thornbody. "When we saw the trail of destruction Disney has been leaving in its wake with these bombs, we knew we had to forge a relationship with them."

Whereas Disney had been desperately looking for ways to stop making bombs, this government contract will serve as a new beginning for the House of Mouse. "We were all feeling the heat," Iger said. "Now, we can stop worrying about how to fix things and go back to focusing on cranking out bomb after bomb after bomb."

At publishing time, with tensions increasing overseas with Russia, China, and in the Middle East, the Pentagon was eagerly awaiting the release of the live-action remake of Snow White, which insiders speculate may be Disney's biggest bomb yet.

Posted by Frank G 2023-11-29 08:56|| || Front Page|| [11134 views ] Top

#1 That's a great headline!

Posted by Skidmark 2023-11-29 09:08|| 2023-11-29 09:08|| Front Page Top

#2 On Monday, "The Marvels" got revenue of $110/theater (about 3k theaters).

"Wish" got about $190/theater.

Monday is typically a slow day but these attendance figures are truly awful.

Posted by lord garth 2023-11-29 09:18|| 2023-11-29 09:18|| Front Page Top

#3 And Wish was done over a 5 day holiday too. Usually families flock to the theater to get a couple hour break from kids and family. Apparently the rug rats running around screaming and Aunt Hilda's ramblings about the far right trying to take over everything is preferable to seeing Wish.

Posted by DarthVader 2023-11-29 09:38|| 2023-11-29 09:38|| Front Page Top

#4 ZZiiiiinngggg!

'Wish' is going to crater like a European Mars Lander.

The Meowvals has gone from smelling of stinky cheese to cat urine.

My feed has gone from 'deplatform The Marvels Unbelievers! to You Should See Next Years Disney Lineup!'

Posted by swksvolFF 2023-11-29 14:27|| 2023-11-29 14:27|| Front Page Top

#5 Heh:

Dr. Whx
Dr. What

Posted by swksvolFF 2023-11-29 19:50|| 2023-11-29 19:50|| Front Page Top

#6 In the same grocery aisle:

Say a *major media* ad highlighting a hire with *a major distributor* who has a vocal challenge to the point that he needs to use sign language....

...at the end of the advertisement, has the main character talking into a radio.

What. The. Fuck.

Posted by swksvolFF 2023-11-29 20:29|| 2023-11-29 20:29|| Front Page Top

07:19 Grom the Affective
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