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2023-11-13 -Short Attention Span Theater-
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Satire - Brain-Eating Zombie Apocalypse Overtakes Government And Media
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 [WIRE] From around the world today, we’re receiving reports of the rapid-fire spread of a virus that transforms human beings into brain-eating zombies. According to witnesses from every corner of the globe, infected zombies are rampaging through city and countryside, attacking and biting unsuspecting passersby. After a count of twelve seconds, the victim is himself transformed into a walking corpse that is starved for human brains and can only be stopped by a bullet to the head.
The President of the United States was on vacation in Delaware and could not be reached for comment but was said to be carefully monitoring the situation between enjoying the occasional pistachio ice cream cone and quiet walks along the beach with his doctor wife. But White House Spokeswoman Karine Jean Identity Hire did address the D.C. press corps saying, "As a lesbian woman of color, I just want to say that our hearts go out to the zombie community today as they are under attack right now and really suffering. This president is committed to developing an across-the-board response to the rising tide of zombie-phobia along with the troubling trend of increasing gun violence."
Some conservative outlets released what they claimed was a leaked zombie manifesto out of Nashville, Tennessee, which said in its entirety, "Must eat brains." The Chief of Police in what used to be Nashville and is now just a seething hive of brain-eating zombies, responded to the manifesto release by announcing that he had begun a full investigation into who had leaked the document, and would suspend the animated corpse of anyone who was responsible. 
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Posted by Besoeker 2023-11-13 06:19||
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Posted by European Conservative 2023-11-13 06:50||
2023-11-13 06:50||
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Posted by Skidmark 2023-11-13 08:16||
2023-11-13 08:16||
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Posted by Mercutio 2023-11-13 09:02||
2023-11-13 09:02||
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Posted by ed in texas 2023-11-13 19:46||
2023-11-13 19:46||
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09:07 AlmostAnonymous5839
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