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2023-06-07 Home Front: Politix

Biden Assures Nation We Have Nothing To Worry About Thanks To This Cool New Padded Helmet He's Wearing

[Bee] Biden sought to calm fears over his health following a nasty spill on stage last week in an address to the nation, which he delivered while wearing a blue padded helmet.

"Listen, folks, thanks to this nifty new hat I'm wearing, you don't have to worry about my health or safety anymore," said the President. "I've already fallen twelve times this morning and didn't feel anything! I feel fit as a fiddle and ready for my luncheon with Eleanor Roosevelt this afternoon! Not a joke!"

Sources within the White House say they have taken further precautions to protect the president from damage related to his lack of coordination, arthritis, peripheral neuropathy, dementia, incontinence, cancer, and shingles--including limiting the President's work day to 30 minutes in the morning and wrapping him in bubble wrap whenever they transport him. "Nothing to worry about here," said gay black Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, who is gay and black. "I have never seen a more healthy person in my entire life."

At publishing time, the White House was forced to take further precautions after the President attempted to eat his new helmet.

Posted by Frank G 2023-06-07 00:00|| || Front Page|| [11139 views ] Top
File under: Tin Hat Dictators, Presidents for Life, & Kleptocrats

#1 I guess I'm getting better - I spotted this as a Bee article even before I read the article.

Posted by Rambler in Virginia 2023-06-07 01:36|| 2023-06-07 01:36|| Front Page Top

#2 You get to keep your dollar, Rambler! :-)

Posted by trailing wife 2023-06-07 01:47|| 2023-06-07 01:47|| Front Page Top

#3 He was out playing golf the other day y'all. For Realz.

Posted by swksvolFF 2023-06-07 12:34|| 2023-06-07 12:34|| Front Page Top

#4 Saw the video of the golf game. He was trying to play golf.

Posted by Deacon Blues 2023-06-07 12:50|| 2023-06-07 12:50|| Front Page Top

#5 Hard to imagine for the real him to do more than chip & putt, and pose for the camera.

Posted by swksvolFF 2023-06-07 15:43|| 2023-06-07 15:43|| Front Page Top

#6 His opening shot hooked into the woods. Doubt he finished 9 holes, much less 18

Posted by Deacon Blues 2023-06-07 16:00|| 2023-06-07 16:00|| Front Page Top

#7 Bold move by the handlers.

Posted by swksvolFF 2023-06-07 16:12|| 2023-06-07 16:12|| Front Page Top

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