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2023-05-28 -Short Attention Span Theater-

Archeologists Uncover Target Store Ruins From Sodom And Gomorrah

[BEE] ISRAEL — Archeologists have uncovered what they believe are the final remains of Sodom and Gomorrah's beloved Target store.

"You could still make out the display for tuck-friendly tunics," said Dr. Sally Mcneil. "It's clear these perverted rapists were massive Target fans."

According to the Israeli excavators, researchers began searching for a possible Target store after unearthing hundreds of pairs of yoga pants. "We knew we had to be close," said Dr. McNeil. "As soon as we found the sign saying 'Satan Respects Pronouns', we knew we'd found it. Our survey indicates the Sodomites had installed curbside pick-up to the south, and a gender mutilation station for children at the north entrance. It was really a very modern society, not so different from our own."

Further research at the dig site led researchers to believe the heavenly fire that burned up Sodom and Gomorrah may have struck the Target store first. "Everyone says Target smells nice, right up until the point sulfur begins raining from the sky," said team member Adrian Maldonado. "You can only walk around the child-abusing satanist products for so long without knowing that the Lord's wrath must be coming. This looks like it was ground zero. Greed, depravity and violence, all wrapped up with a nice bull's-eye on top for the Lord's fury."

At publishing time, Christians had begun nervously looking to the sky any time they drove too near a Target.

Posted by Besoeker 2023-05-28 00:00|| || Front Page|| [11127 views ] Top

#1 As someone once said to me "If God doesn't destroy Hollywood and San Francisco soon, He owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology ".

Posted by Rambler in Virginia 2023-05-28 00:09|| 2023-05-28 00:09|| Front Page Top

#2 I believe they've filed for a corporate trademark name change to Targay.

Posted by Procopius2k 2023-05-28 08:15|| 2023-05-28 08:15|| Front Page Top

#3 It will be fun to see South Park recognize that Target and Bud Lite are floundering in the water, and hand them an anvil.

Posted by Super Hose 2023-05-28 08:17|| 2023-05-28 08:17|| Front Page Top

#4 P2k, years ago I heard locals calling it in a Faux French accent "Tar-jay" because of acting like an 'upscale shopping experience' and selling the same stuff as Walmart or Sears.

Posted by magpie 2023-05-28 09:33|| 2023-05-28 09:33|| Front Page Top

#5 I got in big trouble with my sister by saying "Target is Walmart for stuck up people."

Posted by M. Murcek 2023-05-28 09:35|| 2023-05-28 09:35|| Front Page Top

#6 Except it is.

I had the experience growing up watching this. A K-Mart and Wal-Mart were basically right next to each other.

When the K-Mart closed, everyone used the Wal-Mart, and it was fine.

Then a Target opened basically across the street, and everyone who was suddenly "Too Good" to shop at Wal-Mart went there.

I had to check out the fuss. It was the same shit but in red and Kathy Ireland's face here and there.

Posted by swksvolFF 2023-05-28 11:58|| 2023-05-28 11:58|| Front Page Top

#7 Still hear #4's "Tarzhay" in Matt Drudge's voice from late some Sunday night back in the millennial timeframe.

Posted by One Eyed the Bunyip2222 2023-05-28 18:30|| 2023-05-28 18:30|| Front Page Top

#8 And what about Kohl's? Wandered into one once and felt like a prole who'd snuck into the PartiMart.

Posted by One Eyed the Bunyip2222 2023-05-28 18:33|| 2023-05-28 18:33|| Front Page Top

#9 Kohl's had to split space with Sephora to stay solvent

Posted by Frank G 2023-05-28 20:52|| 2023-05-28 20:52|| Front Page Top

#10 Target is doomed regardless, but they have chosen the express lane towards insolvency. Two of my children worked there and they remain a decent employer for college age kids. All their stuff, though, is a 10% markup over Walmart for comparable items. Their home goods are tasteful junk that is a season aware from a yard sale or languishing on the shelves at the Good Will. There is nothing there that you can’t get on Amazon with more selection and less trouble. I used to go there for gift cards and such. They are Blockbuster in Red.

Posted by Super Hose 2023-05-28 22:31|| 2023-05-28 22:31|| Front Page Top

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