Article

2022-08-18 Government Corruption

'The FBI Raid On Melania's Closet Was Justified,' Says Merrick Garland

[BEE] WASHINGTON, D.C. — With many Americans up in arms over the unprecedented raid of former President Trump's residence in Mar-a-Lago by the FBI, Attorney General Garland released a statement to assure everyone the raid was completely justified. Eyewitnesses noted he looked unusually fetching in an elegant Dolce & Gabbana evening gown and a Dior sun hat.

"We wouldn't raid Trump's Mar-a-Lago estate or Melania's wardrobe unless it was absolutely, 100% necessary," said Garland. "I resent any accusation that this raid was influenced by partisan politics or my insatiable desire to wear pretty designer dresses." The Attorney General then did a little spin in his purple gown as the press gasped with delight.

FBI Director Christopher Wray echoed the statement as he strode up to the Hoover Building in a dazzling pair of diamond-encrusted Alexander McQueen stilettos. "The men and women of the FBI are paragons of unassailable integrity and impartiality, and any suggestion otherwise is murderous treason," he said. Several news outlets present also noted the delicious smell of Chanel No.5 in the air.

At publishing time, Trump had taken to Truth Social to announce that all his golf clubs were also missing.

Posted by Besoeker 2022-08-18 09:04|| || Front Page|| [17 views ] Top

#1 Sure it was, because the President would rather put classified documents in her underwear than in the Skiff. Do we really want to believe this? And the nuclear codes? They are no longer on paper. So exactly how did he get them from the football to the skiff? And after a few minutes they are worthless anyway. Does the FBI think we are that dumb? How about the documents showing that the agency was working in the FBI during the Russia scam? Now they have a vested interest in getting those I would think...

Posted by 49 Pan 2022-08-18 09:32|| 2022-08-18 09:32|| Front Page Top

#2 It the Babylon Bee, 49 Pan, so you are right to be skeptical. ;-)

Posted by trailing wife 2022-08-18 10:18|| 2022-08-18 10:18|| Front Page Top

#3 Confusion is understandable.

Posted by Angstrom 2022-08-18 11:38|| 2022-08-18 11:38|| Front Page Top

#4 Totally. These days one can't tell.

Posted by Dron66046 2022-08-18 11:47|| 2022-08-18 11:47|| Front Page Top

#5
In college we called this a Panty Raid😎.
The DOJ / Fed's just use different jargon.

Posted by NN2N1 2022-08-18 11:53|| 2022-08-18 11:53|| Front Page Top

#6 Carrying on in the tradition of J. Edgar Hoover.

Posted by Abu Uluque 2022-08-18 12:33|| 2022-08-18 12:33|| Front Page Top

#7 Old case over audio tapes in Bill Clinton's sock drawer could impact Mar-a-Lago search dispute

Posted by Skidmark 2022-08-18 12:35|| 2022-08-18 12:35|| Front Page Top

#8 Sniffing panties was in the search warrant?
Amazing

Posted by Sock Puppet of Doom 2022-08-18 13:02|| 2022-08-18 13:02|| Front Page Top

#9 How many FBI wives got sexy new underwear and Manolo Blanick shoes last week?

Posted by AlanC 2022-08-18 14:50|| 2022-08-18 14:50|| Front Page Top

#10 Protecting corrupt power and interest can always be justified. We are unlikely to buy the justification so the affidavit will stay sealed. Secret justification works best for tyrants.

Posted by Super Hose 2022-08-18 14:56|| 2022-08-18 14:56|| Front Page Top

#11 AlanC:

How many male FBI personnel are wearing Melania's undies at this very moment?

Posted by Angstrom 2022-08-18 15:30|| 2022-08-18 15:30|| Front Page Top

14:57 Super Hose
14:55 Super Hose
14:55 trailing wife
14:54 Super Hose
14:54 Super Hose
14:26 swksvolFF
14:23 Beldar+Uneter3543
14:20 Frank G
14:20 Super Hose
14:16 Beldar+Uneter3543
14:06 Mercutio
14:05 Beldar+Uneter3543
14:01 Mercutio
13:59 Mercutio
13:58 Tom
13:57 Tom
13:57 Mercutio
13:57 Mercutio
13:36 Grom the Reflective
13:34 NoMoreBS
13:33 mossomo
13:31 Cesare
13:28 NoMoreBS
13:09 mossomo