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2022-03-04 Home Front: Politix

Biden Announces Increased Spending On Smergberd, Rustamufferns, Blabtrussels

[Babylon Bee] Addressing lawmakers from both sides of the aisle, President Joe Biden began his State of the Union speech by announcing a bold plan to increase spending on Smergberd, Rustamufferns, and Blabtrussels.

"Not only will we fight inflation by increasing government spending on these invaluable potumpalumps," said the President, passionately teetering to one side, "but we will also make sure every man, woman, and chargafar receives quality, affordable sploogle."

Senator Chuck Schumer applauded Biden’s spending plan, giving it a standing ovation. Later, when asked to comment on any particulars regarding the speech, the Democrat senator said he was confident there would be overwhelming bipartisan support for Thwignibblers.

Nancy Pelosi appeared distraught during this specific part of the speech. Sources claim the Democrat Speaker of the House was caught off guard, having not previously purchased shares in any of the endeavors mentioned by the Commander-in-Chief, including Volburlumps.

Not all lawmakers were in favor of Biden’s bold new initiative. During a pivotal moment in the eloquent speech, Republican Rep. Lauren Boebert was summarily booed after standing up and shouting, "What are you saying? We don’t understand any of those words! Are you OK?"

Despite the disrespectful interruption, the bright-eyed, quick-witted President of the United States of America continued his oration, words flowing from his mouth like honey from an angel’s wings. The final words of this truly memorable State of the Union address may go down in history as the finest line in presidential history:

"yIlop! wa’leS chaq maHegh!"

Posted by Frank G 2022-03-04 00:00|| || Front Page|| [11130 views ] Top
File under: Tin Hat Dictators, Presidents for Life, & Kleptocrats

#1 I believe quality, affordable sploogle's available on Po&nhub, or so I hear...

Posted by Raj 2022-03-04 00:28|| 2022-03-04 00:28|| Front Page Top

#2 You want Soviet joke? Ok, here is joke applies equally to Biden.

The setting is 1980 Olympics.

(Setting: 1980 Olympics)

Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev begins reading his opening speech.

"O!" - the crowd applauds.

"O!" - another round of applause from the audience.

"O!" - the entire audience stands up, begins clapping.

A secretary comes to Brezhnev and says, "Dear Leonid Ilyich, these are Olympic logo rings; you don't need to read all of them!"

Thank you. Please send $500 to my Telegram: Nevasayneva

Posted by Woozle and Tenille5942 2022-03-04 00:37|| 2022-03-04 00:37|| Front Page Top

#3 Sadly, yes. One feels for him.

Posted by trailing wife 2022-03-04 00:54|| 2022-03-04 00:54|| Front Page Top

#4 Personally, I don't accept the 'lost a step' theory. From all my recollection he has been a semi-coherent blowhard his entire time in public life. Worse yet his first instinct is to bully. Hell, the family motto is 'Don't you know who I am?'.

Posted by Cesare 2022-03-04 06:32|| 2022-03-04 06:32|| Front Page Top

#5 Over time, you begin to realize just how shallow the dem bench is...

Posted by M. Murcek 2022-03-04 08:11|| 2022-03-04 08:11|| Front Page Top

#6 Apparently being rude and making people uncomfortable is the DC sales pitch business model.

Posted by swksvolFF 2022-03-04 11:18|| 2022-03-04 11:18|| Front Page Top

#7 also WTI at $115/barrel today

Posted by Lord Garth 2022-03-04 17:15|| 2022-03-04 17:15|| Front Page Top

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