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2020-09-01 Home Front: Politix

Democrats Growing Increasingly Worried Biden Will Live Through Election Day

[Babylon Bee] U.S.—Democrats around the nation are growing increasingly worried that their candidate for President, Joe Biden, will live through election day, November 3rd, 2020. Biden had surprised Democrats around the nation when he spoke for an extended period of time off a teleprompter at the Democratic National Convention, causing a bit of a panic among Democratic Party operatives and voters.

This concern comes at a time when national polling among likely voters shows the race tightening between Biden and Trump, after weeks of Biden holding on to a commanding lead.

"That was the most life we’ve seen in him for a long time," said DNC spokesperson Michael Tyler.

"We all went back to the drawing board to plan a strategy that includes the possibility that Joe might actually be President if he wins on election day and goes on to live for another year or two or four," he added.

"We nominated him because he is the most inoffensive candidate we could find--and believe me we looked high and low," said Democratic National Committee Chairman Tom Perez.

"Biden is a great pick for us because he reassures middle America that he isn’t a total left-wing nutjob, while at the same time, he speaks to all the left-wing nutjobs that he won’t be around for very long. If he throws a wrench in that by looking vibrant, coherent, and less than senile, I’m not sure how we are going to capture the progressive vote we aliented before in 2016."

At publishing time, the DNC was throwing the idea around that maybe they should be airing ads that make Biden look a little more on the verge of dying to reassure progressives.

Posted by Besoeker 2020-09-01 00:34|| || Front Page|| [8 views ] Top

#1 Obviously, BB.

Posted by g(r)omgoru 2020-09-01 05:49|| 2020-09-01 05:49|| Front Page Top

#2 The Bee, but the Dems *do* have a Biden problem. On one hand, he'd make a great figurehead Prez which would allow all sorts of scheming and agenda-setting by the various Dem factions. But on the other, he is an old white guy - something the Woke set will not stand for. They won't vote for Trump, they just won't turn out for Biden.

Best case scenario: Biden steps aside in October to "spend more time with the family", Comma-La becomes the candidate AND they get to appoint yet another woman for the Vice Prez slot. It's a woke two-fer!

Posted by SteveS 2020-09-01 12:20|| 2020-09-01 12:20|| Front Page Top

#3 ^Is that the law? Because I've read somewhere that is Joe retires before the elections, Barney becomes the candidate.

Posted by g(r)omgoru PB 2020-09-01 12:59|| 2020-09-01 12:59|| Front Page Top

#4 At the party level, none of it is governed by law. It's whatever the party insiders say.

Posted by M. Murcek 2020-09-01 19:43|| 2020-09-01 19:43|| Front Page Top

#5 They won't vote for Trump, they just won't turn out for Biden.
Which is why they are pushing mail-in voting. They will vote for Biden even if they don't vote for Biden!

Posted by CrazyFool 2020-09-01 23:53|| 2020-09-01 23:53|| Front Page Top

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