Article

2020-03-31 Government

Americans Excitedly Anticipate Getting Paid With Their Own Money

[Babylon Bee] U.S.‐Americans have reported they're very optimistic about the stimulus package passed by Congress last week. In particular, people all around the country are excited to get paid with a little bit of the money that they paid the federal government already.

Americans from all walks of life said they couldn't wait to receive a check with a small percentage of the money the government had already taken from them.
"Sticking it to the MAN ~~in the mirror~~"
"I can't wait to get that $1,200.00 check of my own money," said one man in Texas, rubbing his hands together. "Surely this will get the economy back on track."

From the rich to the poor, American citizens spent many hours dreaming of all the things they will spend their newfound riches on. "With $1200, I could save enough to pay my taxes on time this year," said one woman in Los Angeles. "Thanks so much, Congress. You're the real heroes here."

A small percentage of the population said they thought it would be way more efficient for the economy if the government just didn't take the money in the first place. These people were shouted down as "libertarian conspiracy theorist wackos" and told to move to Somalia.

Sadly, by the time all the administration costs, government pet projects, and handouts were factored in, the stimulus each American was to receive became a negative amount, forcing Congress to raise taxes to pay for a new stimulus bill.

Posted by Besoeker 2020-03-31 07:02|| || Front Page|| [11138 views ] Top

#1 Well, no. It's from the Magic Money Tree(tm). These days the Fed doesn't even have to have the Treasury print 2 trillion dollars without any backing. They just push some buttons on a computer and 'voila' its official! See - Venezuelan economics. I'd hang on to those rolls of toity paper you're holding. Maybe soon worth more than dollars if they keep this up.

Posted by Procopius2k 2020-03-31 07:16|| 2020-03-31 07:16|| Front Page Top

#2 Spend the check immediately on ammo if you can find any. You have just converted worthless paper to a valuable bartering commodity.

Posted by M. Murcek 2020-03-31 08:34|| 2020-03-31 08:34|| Front Page Top

#3 Unemployment hassles a plenty. Say 3-4 weeks at best when approved to get card for use. Key words- laid off due to virus. Some people call in all day and some are put on hold then get cut off.

Posted by Dale 2020-03-31 19:56|| 2020-03-31 19:56|| Front Page Top

#4 Just got a refund from the IRS, was expecting a summons from the Sheriff. Can't wait for this, very exciting!

Posted by Skidmark 2020-03-31 23:50|| 2020-03-31 23:50|| Front Page Top

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