Article

2020-01-04 Syria-Lebanon-Iran

John Bolton Can't Believe He Left White House Just Before War With Iran

[Babylon Bee] WASHINGTON, D.C.‐According to sources close to the former national security adviser, a teary-eyed John Bolton wept in great pain and anguish that he left the Trump administration just before the war with Iran broke out.

"Wait -- what!?!" he had screamed as he saw that Trump had ordered a missile strike on Qasam Soleimani. "No... no... it can't be true... it just can't!"

"After all my years of service, we decide to go to war with Iran NOW!?!" Bolton flew into a rage, attempting to throw objects at the television. But not being strong enough to pick up the objects himself, and not wanting to get hurt, he ordered an aide to throw the objects on his behalf.

Finally, once the television was good and destroyed, Bolton moved on with the grieving process, going into bargaining ("God, I'll devote my life to you if you just let me attack Iran"), depression ("What's the point? World peace is inevitable"), and finally, acceptance.

"At least we're still gonna have a war, even if I missed out on my chance to partake," he said as an aide patted his back to comfort him.

and a real Bolton tweet

Congratulations to all involved in eliminating Qassem Soleimani. Long in the making, this was a decisive blow against Iran's malign Quds Force activities worldwide. Hope this is the first step to regime change in Tehran.
— John Bolton (@AmbJohnBolton) January 3, 2020

Posted by Besoeker 2020-01-04 00:00|| || Front Page|| [11137 views ] Top
File under: Hezbollah

#1 I think the Bee is cheating on this one.

Posted by gorb 2020-01-04 02:11|| 2020-01-04 02:11|| Front Page Top

#2 Bee veered hard left into Herbs bailiwick. Maybe to get clicks from Huffington.

Posted by Woodrow 2020-01-04 05:58|| 2020-01-04 05:58|| Front Page Top

#3 Naw. If you can't laugh at yourself, you don't deserve to laugh at anyone else.

Posted by Mercutio 2020-01-04 08:36|| 2020-01-04 08:36|| Front Page Top

#4 We're onto to you Bee.

Posted by JohnQC 2020-01-04 08:57|| 2020-01-04 08:57|| Front Page Top

#5 I think the Bee is dead on. Bolton is probably kicking himself.

Posted by ruprecht 2020-01-04 10:08|| 2020-01-04 10:08|| Front Page Top

#6 What makes the Bee good, is the equal opportunity.

I tend to laugh, even at my own bull being gored.

Man Dies Of Old Age In Church Parking Lot After Waiting 60 Years For Wife To Finish Socializing

Posted by swksvolFF 2020-01-04 14:39|| 2020-01-04 14:39|| Front Page Top

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