Article

2019-11-11 -Lurid Crime Tales-

ABC Asks Viewers To Send In Evidence On Epstein So They Can Destroy It And Then Murder You

[Babylon Bee] NEW YORK, NY‐In a special PSA at the end of a news segment this morning, ABC News asked the station's viewers to send in any evidence on Jeffrey Epstein and his possible connections among the rich and powerful, so that they could destroy said evidence and then murder the person who sent it in.

"If you have anything that would help us uncover how deep this thing goes, please, we beg you: send it to our tipline so we can immediately bury it," one on-air personality pleaded with the audience. "It's important that we find out how many connections Epstein had among the political elite, so we can shield those elites from any damaging accusations."

ABC News has provided a form on its website for you to send in evidence on the Epstein scandal and fill in your name and address. You must accept the station's terms of service, which include allowing them to send agents to your house to scrub you from existence.

"You might think this is a bad thing, getting killed for sending us evidence---but keeping our elite friends out of jail is far more important than your personal safety," the anchor concluded. "Remember, the needs of the rich and powerful outweigh the needs of the you."

Posted by Besoeker 2019-11-11 02:15|| || Front Page|| [11130 views ] Top

#1 Like Vanity Fair's "investigation" into Spacey?

Posted by Bright Pebbles 2019-11-11 03:24|| 2019-11-11 03:24|| Front Page Top

#2 There is a pic on Instapundit (socks) that you gotta see.

Posted by g(r)omgoru 2019-11-11 03:31|| 2019-11-11 03:31|| Front Page Top

#3 OK, I'll admit I'm getting confused. Exactly what is the definition of satire?

Posted by Mercutio 2019-11-11 06:39|| 2019-11-11 06:39|| Front Page Top

#4 Mercutio, I could tell it was satire when the headline said that ABC would murder you. They won't actually murder you.

Posted by Rambler in Virginia 2019-11-11 07:47|| 2019-11-11 07:47|| Front Page Top

#5 No? They'll just dox you so Antifa can murder you?

Posted by Mercutio 2019-11-11 08:09|| 2019-11-11 08:09|| Front Page Top

#6 They'll murder your reputation, your livelihood, your relationships...

Posted by Lex 2019-11-11 10:24|| 2019-11-11 10:24|| Front Page Top

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