Article

2019-07-29 -Lurid Crime Tales-

Mueller Reminds Congress Report Doesn't Exonerate Trump From Assassination Of President Lincoln

[Babylon Bee] WASHINGTON, D.C.‐In his 29-hour-long testimony to Congress earlier this week, former special counsel Robert Mueller was quick to remind lawmakers that his report on Russian interference in the 2016 election did not exonerate Trump from the assassination of President Abraham Lincoln in 1865.

"Now I want to be clear," he said, "that while this report did not find the president guilty of obstruction of justice or collusion with the Russians, it also does not exonerate him from the assassination of President Lincoln."

Confused congresspeople sat in silence, looking at one another awkwardly.

"While we couldn't place him at Ford's Theatre on the evening of April 14, 1865, we could not confirm he wasn't present, either," Mueller continued. "That is for Congress to decide."

One congressperson asked Mueller if Trump could be charged with the crime of shooting Lincoln in the head when he leaves the White House.

Mueller thought for a moment. "I don't want to answer that. But yes."

Posted by Besoeker 2019-07-29 04:21|| || Front Page|| [4 views ] Top

#1 "...And we're still lookin' at him funny about Zachary Taylor, too."

Mike

Posted by Mike Kozlowski 2019-07-29 04:27|| 2019-07-29 04:27|| Front Page Top

#2 Snopes will be in this

Posted by Bright Pebbles 2019-07-29 08:21|| 2019-07-29 08:21|| Front Page Top

#3 No Joke. Snopes is now officially trying to ban the Babylon Bee as a "Fake News" website. The BB has retained legal counsel.

Posted by The peanut gallery 2019-07-29 19:21|| 2019-07-29 19:21|| Front Page Top

#4 Snopes is the really dangerous fake news. They claimed there's no such thing as sasquatches in Atlanta !

Posted by Dron66046 2019-07-29 19:31|| 2019-07-29 19:31|| Front Page Top

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