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2019-07-01 Home Front: Culture Wars
Tactical Bible Attachment For Assault Rifles Now Available
[Babylon Bee] NASHVILLE, TN‐Claiming demand for the product is "through the roof" among Southern Baptists, LifeWay Christian Resources announced Friday its proprietary tactical study Bible attachment designed to carry one study Bible or two compact study resources securely attached to the barrel of most assault rifles is now in stock on its online storefront.

"It works great for those who want to go out and mow down their enemies, all while having the loving words of our Savior safely fastened to any high-powered rifle," a LifeWay rep said while demoing the product at a local gun range. "It's also good for home defense, as larger study Bibles can be used as a heavy-duty melee weapon if things get serious."

"Check this out," he continued, firing off several dozen rounds squarely into a man-shaped target a hundred yards downrange, all while reading the Beatitudes recorded in the Gospel of Matthew.

"Blessed are the sharpshooters," he quipped as he released his magazine and snapped in another one.
*SNORT*
The tactical attachment comes in black and various shades of camouflage and can be customized with a Bible verse or other quote for an additional charge. A tactical melee highlighter is also available.
Posted by Besoeker 2019-07-01 01:46|| || Front Page|| [11125 views ]  Top

#1 Yuppie libtard humor.
Posted by Dron66046 2019-07-01 01:53||   2019-07-01 01:53|| Front Page Top

#2 Satire of Obama 2012 speech "Guns & Religion."
Posted by Besoeker 2019-07-01 02:15||   2019-07-01 02:15|| Front Page Top

#3 Erm, no. I just discovered babylon bee. Wow. Know I know what all the laughing was about the other day. It's subscription-based. Shit.
Posted by Dron66046 2019-07-01 02:16||   2019-07-01 02:16|| Front Page Top

#4 I made up my own. Posting it here ...☺

gunSafe

AI assisted hardware locks for assault weapons. Give your weapon that conscience it lacked ! New bio-index scanner reads the visual before the weapons front and runs it through racial, flesh tint and bone structure subroutines in seconds. The weapons helplessly buzzes instead of firing on 'untouchables'.

There are multiple settings, and more themes can be downloaded from the international gunSafe™ user community. Choose African-American, to preserve the underprivileged life of any person of color in your line of fire. An LGBT setting recognizes 120 styles of overreaction and exaggerated expressions, with a checkbox for 'Ultra-Safe' that simply passes on anything with excessive make-up as safe and is also easier on the dual-core processor running at 2.4 GHz.

Approved by the DNC and one or two inconsequential Republicans, the modification has found huge favor with the American public. With historic guilt and homophobo-phobia currently paramount in public consciousness, the gunSafe™ mod is the one thing that unites most Americans with its uniquely selective and partial safety features.

Annie F. Oakley, mother of three, homeowner, who is recuperating after being robbed and beaten by underprivileged youths has this to say :

"It's true ! It absolutely does not fire."

Frank Autry, serving time for protecting his home in Chicago with a lethal weapon says :

"I now wish we'd a had this #$@&% thing before."

Give your Gun a politically correct conscience... with gunSafe™


Posted by Dron66046 2019-07-01 02:52||   2019-07-01 02:52|| Front Page Top

#5 I think the Bee forgot they were supposed to be satire. There are AR's out there that have bible verses inscribed on the receiver as standard .....as you might expect, mostly Old Testament. Personally, I'd prefer a verse from the Song of Solomon or Tamar at the Well.
Posted by Mercutio 2019-07-01 07:53||   2019-07-01 07:53|| Front Page Top

#6 Trijicon rifle scope issue.
Posted by Besoeker 2019-07-01 07:55||   2019-07-01 07:55|| Front Page Top

#7 Love my Trijicons. And I have seen that personally engraved lowers are available, Mercutio. Look up custom gun engraving.
Posted by Whiskey Mike 2019-07-01 08:21||   2019-07-01 08:21|| Front Page Top

#8 Yuppie libtard humor.

I laffed. Although Practical Me would attach them to the stock or receiver instead of the barrel.

And Marketing Me thinks magazines engraved with Bible verses would make nice Xmas gifts.
Posted by SteveS 2019-07-01 10:19||   2019-07-01 10:19|| Front Page Top

#9  It's subscription-based.

No, it's not. Just click the X to close the box asking if you want to receive emails
Posted by SteveS 2019-07-01 10:21||   2019-07-01 10:21|| Front Page Top

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