Article

2018-11-01 -Short Attention Span Theater-

Suspicious Package Mailed To Joel Osteen Found To Contain Bible

[Babylon Bee] HOUSTON, TX‐A suspicious package mailed to Joel Osteen and intercepted by Lakewood Church security was found to contain a copy of the Christian Bible, sources confirmed Wednesday.

"We noticed right away the package didn't feel right," said Lakewood's head of security. "It was about the right weight to contain the 66 books of the Bible, and sure enough, there it was." A special Bible squad was called in to extract the package from the premises and dispose of it, making sure Osteen remained safe from the knowledge of the gospel.

Osteen stated he had a "bad feeling" when he went into the office this morning and began hissing, "It burnss ussss!" about the time the suspicious package was delivered to Lakewood's mail room. "I usually have a really positive feeling, but hoo boy‐I just knew something wasn't right when I went into work this morning. I'm glad my security team is on top of things."

Posted by Besoeker 2018-11-01 07:43|| || Front Page|| [8 views ] Top

#1 the Mammon man

Posted by 746 2018-11-01 13:55|| 2018-11-01 13:55|| Front Page Top

10:11 Deacon+Blues
10:00 Deacon+Blues
09:54 Huputle+Cherelet4131
09:53 Elmerert Hupens2660
09:50 Elmerert Hupens2660
09:48 Huputle+Cherelet4131
09:41 Besoeker
09:35 Besoeker
09:33 Besoeker
09:32 Skidmark
09:29 Skidmark
09:26 Besoeker
08:53 Mercutio
08:50 M. Murcek
08:38 Skidmark
08:36 Skidmark
08:32 Skidmark
08:29 Skidmark
08:27 Skidmark
08:26 Skidmark
08:23 Mercutio
08:21 ed in texas
08:10 Bobby
08:02 Procopius2k