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2017-04-26 -Signs, Portents, and the Weather-
Urban Turkeys Are Wreaking Havoc in Boston
[ATLASOBSCURA] Springtime in Boston means swan boats in the Public Gardens, bars blasting WEEI all night, and wild turkeys getting up in your face. Over the past couple of months, the birds have been making themselves known throughout the city, strutting down sidewalks, rushing at pets and people, and generally being hooligans.

It’s gotten so bad, the Boston Globe reports, that the Massachusetts Department of Fisheries and Wildlife has sent out an explanation to residents, along with some safety tips.

"March through May is breeding season for wild turkeys, which means some turkeys may be seen acting aggressively," the missive begins. In past years, Massachusetts turkeys have formed a gang in Foxborough, made life hell for a Cape Cod mailman, and forcibly attempted to attend Harvard University, among other locally relevant crimes.

Lovestruck turkeys may also "completely ignore the presence of people." This second strategy was likely in play on April 6th, when two of the birds crossed six lanes of rush-hour traffic on I-95, forcing cars to swerve around them.

Other times, they just act plain weird. Those turkeys that got caught two-stepping in a circle around a dead cat in early March? Boston turkeys. Experts are still a bit stumped by that one, but think they may have originally been trying to suss out what they saw as a predator, and then got distracted by their own dance.

They also like to charge at shiny things. If they’re attacking something of yours--a cycle of violence mirror; a buffed hubcap--it’s probably because they’re angry at their own reflection. This problem can be solved by covering the offending object.

And if it seems like they’re targeting you? "The Sick Man of Europe Turkey
...the only place on the face of the earth that misses the Ottoman Empire....
s may attempt to dominate or attack people that they view as subordinates," the officials write. Best of luck with that, gentle Beantown soul.
Posted by Fred 2017-04-26 00:00|| || Front Page|| [11132 views ]  Top

#1 They're not 'wreaking havoc', they're just annoying people. Get a grip.
Posted by Raj 2017-04-26 00:41||   2017-04-26 00:41|| Front Page Top

#2 Send a few people out with shotguns to supply the homeless shelter with meat and the problem will rapidly go away.
Posted by DarthVader 2017-04-26 00:51||   2017-04-26 00:51|| Front Page Top

#3 Yeah, it's happening on the west coast too.
Turkeys disrupting everyday living.
Posted by Skidmark 2017-04-26 01:45||   2017-04-26 01:45|| Front Page Top

#4 What a bunch of turkeys.
Posted by Anguper Hupomosing9418 2017-04-26 07:37||   2017-04-26 07:37|| Front Page Top

#5 Read the headline and thought 'People'.
Posted by Mullah Richard 2017-04-26 08:15||   2017-04-26 08:15|| Front Page Top

#6 Maybe we need more Thanksgivings for what we do have.
Posted by Procopius2k 2017-04-26 08:19||   2017-04-26 08:19|| Front Page Top

#7 Democrats have been a problem here for a long time.
Posted by AlanC 2017-04-26 08:33||   2017-04-26 08:33|| Front Page Top

#8 And here I thought this was about the Kennedy/Kerry dynamic. Or maybe commencement plans at Harvard.
Posted by ed in texas 2017-04-26 08:42||   2017-04-26 08:42|| Front Page Top

#9 Strange how in some places turkeys wreak havoc and in others they are dinner.
Posted by Glenmore 2017-04-26 09:42||   2017-04-26 09:42|| Front Page Top

#10 Yet another entirely predictable problem created by gun-free zones.
Posted by Crusader 2017-04-26 10:35||   2017-04-26 10:35|| Front Page Top

#11 Lovestruck turkeys may also "completely ignore the presence of people."

Um...not out here they don't.

And yes a turkey will wreck a toy car. Hitting an animal will wreck your car. Swerving will get you killed. That being said, pop a beer and I'll tell you about slaloming six deer. Wife still tells the tale.
Posted by swksvolFF 2017-04-26 13:10||   2017-04-26 13:10|| Front Page Top

#12 A story! Do tell, please, swksvolFF.
Posted by trailing wife 2017-04-26 13:37||   2017-04-26 13:37|| Front Page Top

#13 Hitting an animal will wreck your car.

Not if you have a roo or bull bar. Pretty much every vehicle in Western Australia outside Perth has one.

Although, this is a bit over the top.
Posted by phil_b 2017-04-26 15:09||   2017-04-26 15:09|| Front Page Top

#14 Not if you have a roo or bull bar. Pretty much every vehicle in Western Australia outside Perth has one.

Yup, took a buddy up to the place for one after he hit a Clydesdale, story for another time.

So. No sht there I was...just kidding. Once a future wife and I were returning from a weekend of good times with city friends. Last 20 minutes of a six hour drive; we could smell home. It is deer country, dusk so too dark to see anything but too bright for the lights to work, including seeing the retina reflections of critters. Dangerous section of road with a couple tight turns which throw a couple trucks off them each year, no shoulder, steep ditch. Get through all that and take a breath...and there in the evening shadows of a grove a trees is a deer in my lane. I get half-firm on the brakes (no anti-lock, never lock the brakes) to transfer some energy to the front tires. It is ass end to the left lane and I'm down from cruising to about 50mph so I take the left lane around it. No. It was two of them. Future wife wide eyes me "Did you see those two big...." I swerve right to avoid a deer in the left lane...then back left to avoid another deer in the right lane..no, three deer, then back into the correct lane. It was some Waylen Jennings voiceover stuff. Always easy on the brake to transfer that energy into my front tires, decelerated down to about 35mph by the time the maneuvers were completed. S'where the high speed driving class paid off. Only other time I've seen her eyes large enough to serve tea on was returning on a different trip, nasty weather all the way, again about 20 miles out, different road except for the shoulders, snow so hard I drove by looking low-right for the shoulder line to put my tire on, when like a flash in a horror movie a Princess Monanoke sized buck gets his whiskers brushed by my passenger-rear view mirror. You would have thought a spider had just crawled down future wife's sock.
Posted by swksvolFF 2017-04-26 16:14||   2017-04-26 16:14|| Front Page Top

#15 da Jeep. Large hail stones, iced conditions, animal dodging, tornado. Finally tried to kill it with the last ice storm when a branch fell and broke the windshield. Got it fixed, then a caught branch fell during the fire storm and broke it out again. Got it fixed. The Jeep remains.
Posted by swksvolFF 2017-04-26 16:20||   2017-04-26 16:20|| Front Page Top

#16 Oh my, swksvolFF. That kind of driving is as good as a proposal, I'd think.

I drive because I must -- and there was a time in my life when I tootled all over the landscape -- but I'm very glad Mr. Wife enjoys it. Trailing daughter #1 takes after her father. Td #2 takes after me. But I made sure both took the defensive driving course after they'd got their licenses.
Posted by trailing wife 2017-04-26 20:18||   2017-04-26 20:18|| Front Page Top

#17 Great stories Kansas!
No wonder she married you.
Posted by Skidmark 2017-04-26 20:48||   2017-04-26 20:48|| Front Page Top

09:43 Mullah Richard
09:27 Warthog
09:11 Mercutio
09:07 AlmostAnonymous5839
08:52 Matt
08:24 Matt
08:20 SteveS
07:43 Procopius2k
07:42 BrerRabbit
07:42 Procopius2k
07:39 Procopius2k
07:36 Procopius2k
07:35 Procopius2k
07:34 trailing wife
07:31 Procopius2k
07:30 NN2N1
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07:18 trailing wife
07:14 Richard Aubrey
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