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2010-12-05 Home Front: Politix
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Iowahawk: Great Satan Lauds Assange as Infidel of the Year
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 Sweeeeeet. Burge is an American treasure
WASHINGTON DC - Elusive Wikileaks founder Julian Assange made a rare public appearance today at the White House to accept his award as Great Satan Infidel of the Year for 2010. The annual prize, bestowed by the Zionist Crusader Club of Washington, honors "exemplary individual achievement in the humiliation of Islam and its holy prophet."
Award presenter Israel U.S. Americastein cited Assange for his "tireless efforts in creating and distributing over 15,000 blasphemous cartoon images of Mohammed, as well as single-handedly writing the Stuxnet virus that crippled Iran's nuclear program - all while defiling over 50 Muslim virgins."
In accepting the award - and its $25,000 prize package of cash, a West Bank settlement, and a lifetime supply of Palestine Blood hot dog buns - an emotional Assange expressed gratitude to other infidels whom he cited as inspiration.
"I am only here because I have stood on the shoulders of infidel giants," he said. "Gosh, where do I start? I'd like to thank Pope Alexander II and the whole Andalusia crew, the Knights Templar, Richard I, Pope Urban II, Menachem Begin, Crusader Bush, plus a special shout-out to my homies in the Elders of Zion."
Assange saved his biggest thanks for Salman Rushdie, the controversial author of The Satanic Verses who accompanied Assange to the awards ceremony held inside the White House Graven Image room.
"Lastly, I would like to thank Salman for his inspirational and blasphemous desecration of Allah's sacred word - which, I am proud to announce, Wikileaks has now secretly encrypted onto every computer shipped to Islamic lands," said Assange, placing his left foot mockingly atop the holy Qu'ran.
"Growing up Muslim, I never dreamed I would win such a great honor," said the Australian-born apostate, wiping away a tear. "In closing, I want to give all praise to Shiva and Ganesh and the hundreds of other little gods who helped me reject the stupid infallible word of Allah."
The emotional moment and Qu'ran-stomping drew a standing ovation from the crowd, which included some of the biggest and most immodestly-dressed stars in Islamic blasphemy biz. At his follow-up press conference, Assange hinted at bigger future projects for Wikileaks.
"In the next few weeks I'll be traveling around the world, without body guards, often to cities with large Muslim populations,'" said Assange, whose photos and physical description can easily be found on Google. "After that, I'll be doing the final mix of my CD 'America, Why I Love Her.' Then it's back to the old Wikileaks keyboard. If all goes well, I'll be sneaking some homosexual Jews into Mecca during the Hadj."
The award capped a tumultuous week for Assange, who was the target of harsh criticism from administration officials after Wikileaks release thousands of documents initially believed to have been downloaded from the U.S. State Department. The White House backed off after Assange revealed that the files actually contained encrypted secret documents from the Russian, Chinese, and North Korean governments.
"It's a really amazing treasure trove," explained Presidential press secretary Robert Gibbs. "Launch codes, Chinese bank passwords, incredibly embarrasing photos of Vladimir Putin. Plus some really juicy stuff about Suge Knight. And that's just the beginning - Julian says he has loads more data on a flash drive he had surgically implanted somewhere under his skin. Thank God he's on our side!"
In related news, Assange announced the appointment of Craig Larson as Wikileak's Senior Deputy Assistant Blasphemer. Larson resides at 608-B Lakewood Mobile Home Park in Coralville, Iowa, where his truck is currently blocking his neighbor's driveway. 
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Posted by Frank G 2010-12-05 00:00||
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