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2006-05-05 Home Front: WoT

Sniper's Defense To Include 'Quantum Physics'

ROCKVILLE, Md. -- During his opening statement, John Allen Muhammad said he'll use "quantum physics, immaterial evidence and material evidence" to prove he's not the Washington-area sniper.

This will be entertaining in a sad, perverse way.

Muhammad is acting as his own attorney in his trial in Rockville, Md. He's charged with shooting six people in Montgomery County, where the October 2002 series of killings began and ended.

Muhammad told jurors Thursday that he was a distraught father who had come to the D.C. area to look for his children, who had been placed in the custody of his ex-wife, in a custody dispute.
The 45-year-old defendant spoke in a clear voice, quoting Plato and the Bible. And he repeatedly described his accomplice, 21-year-old Lee Malvo, as his son.
Maybe he used quantum physics to shoot backwards in time?

Posted by Chinter Flarong9283 2006-05-05 11:26|| || Front Page|| [11 views since 2007-05-07] Top

#1 Colin Ferguson II. The judge'll be regretting this "act as your own attorney" decision about 5 minutes into the trial...

Posted by tu3031 2006-05-05 12:04|| 2006-05-05 12:04|| Front Page Top

#2 "Quantum physics and immaterial evidence"? At first I thought this was Scrappleface...

Posted by Dave D.">Dave D. 2006-05-05 12:24|| 2006-05-05 12:24|| Front Page Top

#3 Servo: Guys, why is it so hard to accept the fact that time is not an immutable forward progression, but a factor in a space-time model of relativistic causality and determinism. Huh? Guys! Hello! A couple of cattle these two. Okay. Here, I'm gonna demonstrate, okay? Watch. Me. Closely. Alleyoop!
Crow: Hey, wait, where'd he go?
Joel: I dunno, he just...
Servo: I'm over here, guys.
Joel and Crow: WHOA!
Crow: I hate when ya do that!
Joel: But Servo, that's fantastic! That's amazing!
Servo: It's physics, Joel. Plain and simple. You just exist in one observable region in phase space, and then zip! Ya simply realign your point of origin, ya see?
Crow: He does this to me at night. Scares the hell outta me.

---MST3K, Episode 511, Gunslinger

Posted by Angie Schultz 2006-05-05 12:28|| 2006-05-05 12:28|| Front Page Top

#4 What a pity this guy's capture didn't involve an attempted escape and rounds of bullet.

Posted by Rob Crawford">Rob Crawford 2006-05-05 12:41|| http://www.kloognome.com/]">[http://www.kloognome.com/] 2006-05-05 12:41|| Front Page Top

#5 Next time we have a sniper loose in DC, I'm bringing in the RAB.

Posted by Seafarious">Seafarious 2006-05-05 12:44|| 2006-05-05 12:44|| Front Page Top

#6 the bullets and victims were merely occupying the same space-time. Tragic coincidence, but no one's fault.

Posted by PlanetDan">PlanetDan 2006-05-05 12:57|| 2006-05-05 12:57|| Front Page Top

#7 Right after the "Quantum Physics" Defense he will probably invoke the unbeatable "Chewbacca Defense". This is all so predictable now.

Cochran: Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote "Stinky Britches" ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!
Gerald Broflovski: Dammit!
Chef: What?
Gerald: He's using the Chewbacca Defense!
Cochran: Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, [approaches and softens] does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.

Posted by Leigh 2006-05-05 12:59|| 2006-05-05 12:59|| Front Page Top

#8 Malvo could not have known both the velocity and the location of the bullets. A horrible accident indeed.

Posted by 6 2006-05-05 13:06|| 2006-05-05 13:06|| Front Page Top

#9 If you can't impress 'em with facts, baffle 'em with bullshit.

Posted by eLarson 2006-05-05 13:39|| http://larsonian.blogspot.com]">[http://larsonian.blogspot.com] 2006-05-05 13:39|| Front Page Top

#10 "In other universes, the victims lived. Why should I suffer consequences for what happened in this one, and not the others?"

Posted by Frank G 2006-05-05 14:01|| 2006-05-05 14:01|| Front Page Top

#11 Hang the worthless bastards at ONCE!

Posted by Besoeker 2006-05-05 14:59|| 2006-05-05 14:59|| Front Page Top

#12 Sniper's Defense To Include 'Quantum Physics'

Peoples Defense to Include Short Rope, Long Drop 'Newtonian Physics'

Posted by RD 2006-05-05 15:00|| 2006-05-05 15:00|| Front Page Top

#13 It's the Muhammed Uncertainty Principle.

The more certain you are of his location the less certain you are whether he shot the gun, the more certain you are he shot the gun, the less certain you are of his location, i.e. you can never prove he shot the gun at the location of the death, ergo not guilty, q.e.d.

Posted by Nimble Spemble 2006-05-05 15:22|| 2006-05-05 15:22|| Front Page Top

#14 This is only slightly more strange than the "Junk Food" defense.

Posted by Cheaderhead 2006-05-05 18:15|| 2006-05-05 18:15|| Front Page Top

#15 Sniping defenseless, unarmed innocent, hard working people coming out of Home Depot or standing next to a gas pump is one of the most hanus acts I can think of. They should both be EXTERMINATED. The thought of US tax dollars feeding and housing them is absolutely repugnant.

Posted by Besoeker 2006-05-05 18:46|| 2006-05-05 18:46|| Front Page Top

#16 This is going to be one entertaining trial. He has to beat Moussaoui for nuts to grab the headlines he wants.

Posted by Thinemp Whimble2412 2006-05-05 21:33|| 2006-05-05 21:33|| Front Page Top

#17 Angie,

You're a Beverly Garland fan? Gunslinger was a really strange movie, perfect for MST3K.

Posted by Eric Jablow">Eric Jablow 2006-05-05 22:38|| 2006-05-05 22:38|| Front Page Top

07:13 M. Murcek
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