More news for the "You couldn't make this sh!t up if you tried" column. Get a load of this!
 Michael Jackson is ready for action.
Boy, the play on words is enormous in just that one statement, eh?
The entertainer, who's been enjoying a lengthy vacation in the United Arab Emigrates, has announced plans to record a song to benefit victims of Hurricane Katrina. The song, titled "From the Bottom of My Heart," is set to be released on 2 Seas Records, a label owned by Prince Abdulla Hamad Alkhalifa of Bahrain.
Like I told ya, you just couldn't make this stuff up if you tried! Vacationing in UAE and recording on a label owned by the Prince of Bahrain? I imagine somehow, Michael will be making a TON more money than what he's dishing out to 'Nawlins, but that thought never crosses many peoples' minds.
| He's doing it for the children |
Jackson reportedly hopes to enlist other musical types to chime in on the song, in a flashback to the successful recording of "We Are the World," which helped raise millions of dollars for African aid, and the less successful recording of "What More Can I Give," his much delayed post-9-11 charity anthem.
And we saw how successful those attempts were in ending evil and suffering in the world, now didn't we class?
"It pains me to watch the human suffering taking place in the Gulf Region of my country," Jackson said in a statement. "My heart and prayers go out to every individual who has had to endure the pain and suffering caused by this tragedy. I will be reaching out to others within the music industry, to join me in helping to bring relief and hope to these resilient people who have lost everything."
"Besides, I'm in debt up to my fake eyeballs, with all my attorneys' fees and such," he added.
Of course, Jackson isn't the only celebrity pitching in on relief efforts.
Well of course not. But let's not focus on the MILLIONS more who are donating time, energy, talent and money to help out those down there on the Gulf Coast. Nope, only A-listers count in the media world, even if they only show up for a few hours and are no where to be found for the long haul.
Many of Hollywood's A-listers have been vocal about their contributions to hurricane-related charities in an effort to inspire donations from the masses.
Sounds more like grand-standing and trying to revive long dead careers to me.
Here's a look at how some famous folk are lending a hand in Katrina's wake: George Clooney donated $1 million to the United Way for hurricane relief. "There isn't much any of us can do right now but pour money into this tragedy," Clooney said. "We're all in this one together."
Steven Spielberg and his family donated $750,000 to the American Red Cross for immediate relief and $750,000 to the Bush-Clinton Katrina Fund for long term recovery efforts.
Mississippi-based author John Grisham and his wife established the Rebuild The Coast Fund to aid in relief efforts on Mississippi's Gulf Coast and made an initial contribution of $5 million.
Oprah Winfrey spent time Monday among the 18,500 New Orleans evacuees who have taken refuge in Houston's Astrodome. "My pledge is to keep the stories of these people alive," the Queen of Daytime said.
Macy Gray also visited with displaced New Orleanians at the Astrodome, where she handed out clothes and toiletries on Saturday. "I just really wanted to help out," Gray said. "It is crazy when you don't know what is going to happen to you the next day and suddenly that is what their lives are like."
Jamie Foxx hosted an auction event at Miami's Delano Hotel at which more $600,000 was raised in a few hours for the American Red Cross. A New Year's Eve date with Paris Hilton
(and a starring role in her next "video")
was sold for $200,000, while a date with Colin Farrell went for $10,000. Guests paid $200 a ticket to attend the event.
Boy, I bet Colin's hurting after only being worth $10k vs. Paris' $200k tab, eh? Producers of American Idol announced that the season four contestants would add a date to their Idols Live! Tour and play a Sept. 11 concert in Syracuse, New York to benefit relief efforts.
What? A benefit concert for 'Nawlins on 9/11? It's almost as if the moonbats truly believe there is no more terrorism in this world. Two different catastrophes, by two different causes. Look, I'm all for raising money, but to link the two is moronic.
Organizers of Ozzfest teamed with Red Cross volunteers to accept cash donations from concertgoers Sunday at the tour's final date in West Palm Beach, Florida. Stars including Sheryl Crow, the Dixie Chicks, Alicia Keys, Randy Newman
(who? Is this Paul's bro or something?),
Paul Simon, Rod Stewart and Neil Young are scheduled to perform on Shelter for the Storm: A Concert for the Gulf Coast, a primetime benefit special to be simulcast on numerous networks, including E!, on Friday. Jennifer Aniston, Cameron Diaz, Ellen DeGeneres, Jack Nicholson and Chris Rock are among the celebrities slated to appear.
Oh, great! Can't wait to hear what they have to say.
Finally, there was at least one celeb whose relief efforts reportedly didn't pan out as planned. According to published reports, Sean Penn traveled to New Orleans and boarded a small motor boat with the intention of rescuing children still stranded by the storm. However, Penn apparently neglected to plug a hole in the boat, which began taking on water, forcing the actor to start bailing and thwarting his rescue attempts.
Another sign that the "A-listers" have NO clue on how to live a survival-style lifestyle should L.A. ever be hit. Of course, I imagine Penn would be too busy "reporting" from Tehran. 
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