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2006-12-18 Home Front: Culture Wars

ACLU steps in to help grooms get new names

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Posted by .com 2006-12-18 01:29|| || Front Page|| [4 views since 2007-05-07] Top

#1 Old joke:

A man appears before a judge and asks to change his name. What is your current name?, asks the judge.

"Irving Scheiss, your honor."

Er, okay, says the judge. And what do you want to change your name to?

"John Smith, your honor."

Well, that is acceptable. I grant your name change, Mr John Smith.

"Just one more thing, your honor. Could I change my name again, this time to John Jones?"

But why do you want to change your name again?

"So when I tell people my name is John Jones, and they ask me what it was before I changed it, I can say John Smith."

Posted by Anonymoose 2006-12-18 08:18|| 2006-12-18 08:18|| Front Page Top

#2 A true tale from Florida.

A neo-Nazi was appearing before a judge on a criminal matter, and asked the judge to have his name changed, to "Hi Hitler".

This was because that's what the dumbass thought people were yelling at Hitler.

"Hi Hitler."

Posted by Anonymoose 2006-12-18 08:23|| 2006-12-18 08:23|| Front Page Top

#3 There was a famous story (told by Damon Knight in his book, The Futurians, if I remember correctly) about a man in NYC who wanted to change his name from Lipshitz to Collins. Unfortunately, he came before a certain Judge Schmuck. When he explained his petition, the good judge started ranting. "My name is Schmuck. My father's name is Schmuck. My grandfather's name is Schmuck. My great-grandfather's name was Schmuck. My great-great-grandfather's name was Schmuck. My great-great-great… And you want to change your name from Lipschitz to Collins?" I wonder whether the Judge was related to the Baltimore Sun sportswriter, Peter Schmuck.

Posted by Eric Jablow">Eric Jablow 2006-12-18 11:36|| 2006-12-18 11:36|| Front Page Top

#4 There was a guy during the sixties in the SF Bay area that wanted to change his name to Jefferson F*ck Poland. The judge would go only as far as Jefferson F. Poland. Lots of court manoevering, publicity in the newspapers (both above and underground). Pretty sick bit. I am so glad to be outta there.

Posted by Alaska Paul">Alaska Paul 2006-12-18 11:37|| 2006-12-18 11:37|| Front Page Top

#5 In German, Scheiss means shit. When Napoleon conquered Europe, among other things that made him beloved was that he emancipated the Jews, who had until that time been the private property of the local ruler. He then required that they take on proper surnames like the rest of the citizenry. Only the recording clerks were Germans who didn't believe the Jews should be free, so they handed out names like Shithead, Limpdick, etc. Some emigrants changed their names when they arrived here, feeling no attachment to that which was given with malice.

In Belgium at the same time, no one previously had patronyms, and they thought it a great joke; they gave themselves the rudest names they could think of. Which their offspring are saddled with yet.

Posted by trailing wife 2006-12-18 12:52|| 2006-12-18 12:52|| Front Page Top

#6 Stephen den Beste, of Dutch descent, described how his ancestor thought he would pick a good surname when it was made mandatory, so he picked "the best."

Posted by Anguper Hupomosing9418 2006-12-18 19:16|| 2006-12-18 19:16|| Front Page Top

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