Article

2006-05-09 -Short Attention Span Theater-

Scientology nearly ready to unveil Super Power

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Posted by anonymous5089 2006-05-09 12:21|| || Front Page|| [1 views since 2007-05-07] Top

#1 As the light turned green, the boy bolted into the street, ahead of his mother. Feshbach perceived a pickup bearing down on the boy, driven by a young woman. He yelled and saved the boy's life by a quarter of an inch, he said.

Wow! Super Power!

Shaw would not say how much the program will cost. Upper levels of Scientology training can run tens of thousands of dollars.

Wow! Super Duper Power! Especially if your Scientology's banker...

Posted by tu3031 2006-05-09 12:54|| 2006-05-09 12:54|| Front Page Top

#2 My body Thetans tell me this is all BS.

Posted by Xbalanke 2006-05-09 12:55|| 2006-05-09 12:55|| Front Page Top

#3 Scientologist Ron Pollack, who donated $5-million to the Super Power fund

Well, OK, as long as he didn't waste the money.

Posted by Matt 2006-05-09 13:09|| 2006-05-09 13:09|| Front Page Top

#4 My favorite perceptic is "Perception of having perceived (past and present)." Like, what?

Posted by Secret Master 2006-05-09 13:22|| 2006-05-09 13:22|| Front Page Top

#5 ...awareness of importance, unimportance.

Tom Cruise failed the last part.

Posted by DarthVader 2006-05-09 13:22|| 2006-05-09 13:22|| Front Page Top

#6 "Super Power" sounds a lot like "Super Genius". Of course, there's already one of those:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wile_E._Coyote

Posted by Omomotle Ulomoque5726 2006-05-09 13:25|| 2006-05-09 13:25|| Front Page Top

#7 PT Branum put it best: There's a ~~Scientologist~~ sucker born every minute.

The only super power here is the super power of enriching the bank accounts of the perpetrators of this fraud at the expense of the super gullible.

Posted by OldSpook 2006-05-09 14:35|| 2006-05-09 14:35|| Front Page Top

#8 Oh - and by the way: 57 "perceptics."

Is that like the 57 secret herbs and spices in Heinz 57 Sauce?

Posted by OldSpook 2006-05-09 14:36|| 2006-05-09 14:36|| Front Page Top

#9 I'm sure a boxer or martial-arts person has 'super-powers' to see an oncoming punch, hit, or kick which I coundn't even concieve of.

Just as a baseball hitter has 'super-power' to track a oncoming 100MPH baseball in order to be able to hit it with a stick.

Or a race-car driver or jet pilot has a 'super-power' to be able to percive objects while traveling at a high rate of speed or an experienced police-officer able to percieve and remember people faces or descriptions.

Or I have a 'super-power' to notice bugs in other people's perl code (while being blind to the obvious errors in my own...).

Nothing special about it. Just a matter of training and experience.

Posted by CrazyFool 2006-05-09 14:42|| 2006-05-09 14:42|| Front Page Top

#10 There are 57 Perceptics in the State Department!

Posted by Sen. Islin 2006-05-09 14:43|| 2006-05-09 14:43|| Front Page Top

#11 Scientologist Ron Pollack, who donated $5-million to the Super Power fund

My super powers tell me that all of those Pollock jokes over the years should have been Pollack jokes instead. Us non scientoligists may be psychic, just not the best spellers.

Posted by rjschwarz">rjschwarz 2006-05-09 15:16|| 2006-05-09 15:16|| Front Page Top

#12 Able to leap Oprah's couch in a single bound. Faster that a paparazzi's speedflash. Is it a man, is it a loon, is it an extraplanar thetan? Why it's Scientology Man.

Posted by ed 2006-05-09 15:36|| 2006-05-09 15:36|| Front Page Top

#13 Scientology leaders have been compelled to redesign the building's interior repeatedly to make it a crown jewel

SuperPowers -- can't decide on a colour scheme. Sounds pretty scattered and directionless to me for a bunch of super leaders. Should add a training unit on interior design and project planning - freezing change cases.

Posted by Shuns Uleating3851 2006-05-09 15:55|| 2006-05-09 15:55|| Front Page Top

#14 CF, right you are. You can train yourself to see polarized light (no real value, but it's pretty).

It has nothing to do with Scientology.

As the late Ron B Hubbard once said: "I bet that there are so many suckers out there that if I establish a church, I can rake in millions" ... So it was said and so it was done.

Posted by twobyfour 2006-05-09 16:11|| 2006-05-09 16:11|| Front Page Top

#15 So does this mean Kirstie Alley won't have to go to Jenny Craig anymore?

Posted by tu3031 2006-05-09 16:26|| 2006-05-09 16:26|| Front Page Top

#16 One setback occurred when the church checked back on the staffers who had been through Super Power. It turned out, Hines said, many had left the church - hardly the expected outcome

Apparently the sense of smell IS ENHANCED!

Posted by Frank G">Frank G 2006-05-09 16:46|| 2006-05-09 16:46|| Front Page Top

#17 I had a college roommate we lost to Scientology - they stripped him of every dollar and made him a cult slave.

Posted by Frank G">Frank G 2006-05-09 16:48|| 2006-05-09 16:48|| Front Page Top

#18 I gather you get a thetan for red cars if you are looking at a red car and somebody frightens you. However, you can get rid of the thetan for red cars for like 50 bucks.

This gave a friend of mine an idea. He would sneak up behind Scientologists, grab them and scream "THETANS!!!" at them, hoping to give them a thetan about thetans. He figured it would cost them at least $5,000 to get rid of one of those.

I wonder if Tom Cruise was trying to transmit his thetans to Oprah by jumping up on her sofa and screaming at her?

Posted by Anonymoose 2006-05-09 17:01|| 2006-05-09 17:01|| Front Page Top

#19 I'll bet I can get rid of Thetans for about $19 a head and I'll use American shaving cream.

Posted by Sam Walton Super Retailer 2006-05-09 17:20|| 2006-05-09 17:20|| Front Page Top

#20 All these senses and they don't enhance the most important one. Common sense.

Posted by Mike N. 2006-05-09 17:35|| 2006-05-09 17:35|| Front Page Top

#21 As I know to my sorrow, common sense can't be enhanced. It's one of those gotta be born with it thingies. :-(

Posted by trailing wife 2006-05-09 19:52|| 2006-05-09 19:52|| Front Page Top

#22 How much does it cost?

Posted by Tony Blair 2006-05-09 20:15|| 2006-05-09 20:15|| Front Page Top

#23 CAROUSEL, from "Logan's Run", where anyone over age 30 is ceremonially laser-zapped to death while in ecstasy???

Posted by JosephMendiola 2006-05-09 20:49|| 2006-05-09 20:49|| Front Page Top

23:36 Dorf
23:27 DMFD
23:22 DMFD
23:17 Rambler
22:56 RWV
22:47 SPoD
22:40 Frank G
22:38 JosephMendiola
22:35 Barbara Skolaut
22:35 trailing wife
22:30 Frank G
22:21 Manolo
22:20 ed
22:19 JosephMendiola
22:15 Manolo
22:11 ed
22:08 ed
22:08 JosephMendiola
22:08 tu3031
22:06 SPoD
22:06 Oldspook
22:06 Anonymoose
22:02 Oldspook
22:00 Frank G