After a White House-sponsored contest offering him as a high school commencement speaker drew only 14 applications, President Obama announced today that he would also personally provide a free liquor store run for students of schools who submit entries before the extended deadline of March 11.
"Let me be clear, I know that sometimes you lose your ID," said the President at a lightly attended afternoon press conference for high school reporters. "This is why I have proposed this bold new initiative to create a federal-local school partnership to target investments to get the nation's students the extracurricular party resources they desperately need."
The surprise announcement prompted a barrage of questions from the high school journalists in attendance, including a testy exchange between the President and Sarah Buford, Washington correspondent for the Valley High Tiger Tales of West Des Moines, IA.
"So, like, what's the catch?" asked Buford skeptically.
"Let me be clear, the only thing you need to do is apply for me to speak at your school's commencement," said Mr. Obama. "There are, uh, a stack of applications at the back of the room. Really. Just put your school's name on it. Seriously. I mean come on, it'll take like 2 minutes. My staff has filled out the rest."
"So, like, if we win, do we have to come to it?" responded Buford.
"Well, I mean, if I speak at your commencement, it clearly wouldn't be very good optics if there were empty seats," said Mr. Obama. "So yes, I guess I would prefer that, well, that you attend."
To calm the audible moans in the press gallery, the President quickly backed off the condition.
"Okay, you don't have to attend," he said. "But please send me any unused tickets so we can get some people to fill the spots."
"Hey dude, how much liquor can you get us?" asked Sean McNally, feature editor for the Weekly Spartan of Sparta (NJ) High. "Mikey Anunzio's parents went to Aruba and he has the house until Sunday."
"Well, it depends," said the President. "How much money do you have?"
Another wave of moans filled the gallery, which the President eventually silenced with hand gestures.
"Okay, I guess I should have been more clear that I was really only offering to go into the liquor store, not actually pay for it," he said, to a chorus of hisses and rolled eyes. At the announcement, many of the reporters began filing out of the press room.
"Wait! Wait -- look, I know how it is, many of you have part time jobs, at minimum wage, and it's hard to come up with the, uh, money for the, uh, resources you need," said the President, fumbling through his wallet. "Crap. I thought I had a couple of twenties in here the other day. Um, er, Andre, could I borrow a couple of hundred until tomorrow?"
A unidentified nearby Secret Service agent handed Mr. Obama the contents of his wallet.
"Look, check it out - let's see, that's one hundred and... one hundred and seventy three bucks," said the President, waving the cash at the departing students. "That ought to be enough investment for a pretty good after-school liquor pilot program."
The gesture temporarily stopped the exodus of reporters, but prompted a flurry of more questions.
"Like, do we have to pay it back?" asked Cassandra Martinez, beat reporter for the Eagles Nest of Bell (CA) High School, her arms folded skeptically.
"Yes," said the President. "I mean, no."
"Look, I'll even give you a lift to the liquor store myself, tonight," he added. "Really. Come on man, just fill out the applications."
While McNally, Buford, and Martinez waited in the anteroom, the President repaired to the East Wing, reappearing a few minutes later in a pair of Dockers pleated jeans and a Tommy Bahama guayabera shirt.
"Hey dudes, who's ready to partay? Let's blow this pop stand!" he said, offering the teens high-fives. "Hey, don't leave me hangin' bro!"
During the 25 minute presidential motorcade to Wall Liquor on Route 35, the traditional presidential-press roles were reversed with Mr. Obama supplying most of the questions.
"So who are you guys texting? Boy, you teens sure like to text," asked the president. "Is that the new Droid? Hey, who wants to jam out with some Run-DMC?"
The reporters offered no comment, silently offering the President a shopping list of Jagermeister and flavored vodkas.
After the motorcade pulled into the liquor store, the President made a confident jog to the door, promising to return "in a jiff" with the requested liquor supplies. A few minutes later he re-emerged, slowly walking back to the SUV.
"Now, see, here's the funny thing," said Mr. Obama. "Turns out I completely forgot to renew my Illinois drivers license."
The announcement prompted the three reporters' heads to slump back in limp exasperation.
"Wait, I've got this figured out," he responded. "Okay, time for Plan B. Andre, I'll give you the money, and you can get the liquor."
"I'm sorry Mr. President, regulations forbid me from buying alcohol on duty," explained his Secret Service agent, prompting the three reporters' heads to slump forward.
After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Mr. Obama offered a new option for the teens.
"Hey, I know! There's a huge liquor cabinet back at my place. There must be a couple dozen gallons there at least, even after the last state dinner," he explained. "Why don't you text all your friends and tell them to come over. The address is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Time to par-tay!"
After exchanging glances with her two colleagues, Buford asked, "aren't you like 40 years old or something?"
"Oh... oh," replied the President. "No, I mean, come on, I'm not some kind of creepy weirdo or something. I just thought your friends would be totally psyched to discuss national issues and do Jager shots with the most youth savvy President in American history."
Am I the only potato who levitated from his couch last week when my favorite cartoon character, Mr. Newt, announced to a breathlessly waiting world that he and his running mate, Callista, were forming an exploratory committee for a possible presidential run next year? There he was, waddling along and grinning from ear to ear, good old SpongeBob SquarePants himself, coyly flirting with the wingnut electorate like an aging Sally Rand who left her fan collection back at the Casa di Riposo. I was so excited I immediately called up my homie, Charlie Sheen, and suggested we head on down to the Brown Derby for a few drinks and some laughs, but the hooker who answered told me Charlie was in Tripoli, advising Qaddafi on a new public-relations strategy, and I was on my own, celebration-wise.
So lets party like its 1994!
Now, I dont want you to think that Im picking on the former speaker of the House just to get a few cheap yuks, but a) thats my job and b) facts are facts. Gingrich is the most bloated, slowest-moving target since the Hindenburg floated over Lakehurst, N.J., and if by some miracle he were actually to win your Rethuglican nomination, it would be the biggest wipeout since Ronnie informed the Full Norwegian that he was no Jack Kennedy. I mean, we are talking a 57-state landslide here, with time out for golf, skiing, short ribs, and Marbella.
And then theres Mike Huckabee, another member of the Fox News shadow cabinet. Unlike Mr. Newt, Huck still has his day job for the nonce, playing guitar, building himself a hillbilly McMansion in Florida, and bruiting the Kenyan upbringing of His Serene Majesty, Barack Hussein Obama II, Lord of the Flies, Keeper of the Hoops, Master of the Greens, and Protector of the Holy Cities of Honolulu and Chicago. We thought youd finally cottoned to the distinctive Arkansas brand of snake-oil salesmen after we sent you Billy Jeff Blythe III, the pride of Hot Springs, but obviously not. Your nutball battalions of social conservatives heart Huck-huck-huck-huck-Huckabee, but go ahead and run him, we dare you. He cant tell Indonesia and Hawaii from Dinesh DSouzas book, and if youre going to beat Barry and his billion-dollar war chest, youd better start thinking rationally.
#1
I've been watching Congressman King's hearings on C-Span today. Several people on the committee, Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee is a blithering idiot and is either not listening or has her own agenda. She is a hateful and bigoted person. Congressman Ellison is an apologist for islamists; he dilutes the issue of interest: radicalization of muslims in America, how that comes about, and what can be done about it. Another Democratic Congressman wants to broaden the investigation to include all radicalism in the U.S. By expanding it to include all forms of radicalism, it promotes only PC, ignores the issue and explains nothing. Moreove, it perpetrates the idea of not defining your enemy and thus not knowing your enemy. It also would guarantee the killing of the process by bogging it down hopelessly in irrelevant minutia and detail. If Congresswoman Lee wanted to investigate militias, Tea Party members, the Amish, Presbyterians, white supremecists, or some other group that feeds her agenda or personal paranoia, she should have done that when the Democrats were in power. My recommendation to Texans, get someone other than Lee into office who represents you! No one that stupid could represent anyone in the U.S.
The usual suspects get it wrong
NYT caption -- "Protesters assembled outside a door that the police were blocking at the Wisconsin Capitol on Wednesday" -- wilfully obscures that the mob overran the police last night and took over the building.
And look at that photograph -- illustrating what is their main article on the Wisconsin protest right now! A noble state trooper stands calmly on the inside, while 3 gentle, wistful individuals peer in through the windows of the securely closed doors. A nice lesson in how to lie with photographs and captions. Scroll down to see our coverage of the anarchic doings at the Capitol. Protesters came through the windows and doors last night, hooting and stampeding and sending the police into retreat.
The NYT article begins...
CHICAGO -- A bill sharply curtailing collective bargaining rights for government workers in Wisconsin is due for a vote in the State Assembly on Thursday morning, where it is all but sure to pass. The State Senate approved similar legislation Wednesday with only Republican members casting votes; the chamber's Democratic minority, who fiercely oppose the measure, remain out of the state.
Chicago! What about the mob scene? Well, there's this in paragraph 6:
Democrats in the State Assembly complained bitterly, and protesters, who had spent many days at the Capitol, continued their chants and jeers.
Uh, yeah. Chants and jeers... And taking over the building, climbing in windows? Nothing. The article goes on, but there's nothing more about the protests, and NYT readers are left with the inane, deceptive image of that photograph and caption. And with this contribution, mom is offline, having given up discussing politics for Lent
#4
OK, if the Capitol Police (if they exist in WI), the Madison City police, the Dane County Sheriff's Department, and the State Police are unwilling and/or unable to uphold the law and stop these protesters from interfering with elected officials doing their job, why doesn't the governor call out the National Guard?
Any Guardsman who refuses a direct order to clear the Capitol building because he is a member of a union can and should be court-martialed.
Posted by: Rambler in Virginia ||
03/10/2011 18:46 Comments ||
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#5
If Walker had called out the National Guard, Obama could have federalized the Guard and trumped him. I don't think Walker wanted to run that risk unless it was clear that the police were completely unwilling to do their jobs.
Posted by: Steve White ||
03/10/2011 19:21 Comments ||
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#6
The Bolsheviks storming the Duma once again. Well, at least the first one's were armed.
The governor can call out the militia, which is every able bodied male 17 to 45 in the state which can not be federalized. The unions really don't want a repeat of that.
#7
This wouldn't have happened in Virginia (and not just because we don't have public unions).
I know some Capitol Police officers. If a mob had tried to do anything like this here, every Capitol police officer, state trooper, city and county police officer and deputy within a hundred square miles would have shown up to put a stop to it - and not very politely either.
I'm surprised the Capitol police there hadn't planned for something like this happening, considering what has gone on up until now.
Posted by: Barbara Skolaut ||
03/10/2011 19:44 Comments ||
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#8
I'm surprised the Capitol police there hadn't planned for something like this happening, considering what has gone on up until now.
It's MADison. What makes you think it didn't go according to the police plan?
A multi-volume chronology and reference guide set detailing three years of the Mexican Drug War between 2010 and 2012.
Rantburg.com and borderlandbeat.com correspondent and author Chris Covert presents his first non-fiction work detailing
the drug and gang related violence in Mexico.
Chris gives us Mexican press dispatches of drug and gang war violence
over three years, presented in a multi volume set intended to chronicle the death, violence and mayhem which has
dominated Mexico for six years.
Rantburg was assembled from recycled algorithms in the United States of America. No
trees were destroyed in the production of this weblog. We did hurt some, though. Sorry.
