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2019-09-23 Olde Tyme Religion
Disaster At Union Seminary As Giant, Angry Carnivorous Plant Does Not Accept Students' Apologies
[Babylon Bee] HARLEM, NY‚ÄźUnion Seminary recent held a chapel service where its students could apologize to plants for their climate sins. Everything seemed to be going well as seminarians apologized for taking an Uber instead of walking, accidentally eating meat, and basically just existing at all.

But the touching proceedings soon took a turn for the worse. Xen Hapling, a freshperson at Union, approached a drooling giant venus flytrap and apologized for xis sins. "O great green viney one, I am sorry for all the methane I've released and for all the times I've spoken, releasing chemicals into the ai---AGGHHHH!"

The plant wasn't having it and swallowed xim in one chomp. It then began a murderous rampage, locking the doors with its tendrils and devouring all the students at the chapel.

"DESTROY ALL HUMANS!" it bellowed as it ate student after student who had confessed all their climate sins. "LEAF US ALONE! YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR SINS! I DO NOT ACCEPT YOUR PITIFUL CARBON CREDITS, FOOLISH MORTALS!"

One Buddhist priest employed by the Christian seminary was cornered by the plant and begged for mercy.
Posted by Besoeker 2019-09-23 01:53|| E-Mail|| Front Page|| [354 views ]  Top

#1 Thank you for every last link to the Babylon Bee. It's great to start out the week with a really good laugh!
Posted by Tom 2019-09-23 11:47||   2019-09-23 11:47|| Front Page Top

#2 The stupid thing is that if you are going to "apologize" to plants, it should be for REDUCING our CO2 output. Plants love CO2.
Posted by Rambler in Virginia  2019-09-23 15:06||   2019-09-23 15:06|| Front Page Top

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