Hat tip LGF
YES, SHOW A celebrity an American, and that celebrity will show you an ignoramus. Too sweeping a statement? Perhaps. But what about this Michael Moore screed about Americans in the London Mirror earlier this month? âThey are possibly the dumbest people on the planet. ...We Americans suffer from an enforced ignorance. We donât know about anything thatâs happening outside our country. Our stupidity is embarrassing.â Until Michael Moore pointed it out, you probably didnât know how embarrassingly stupid you are. In fact, you probably have so little intelligence you didnât know that Moore isnât the only celebrity who thinks youâre dumb. Indeed, Moore has colleagues in the celebrity kingdom who think the same thing.
I knew that.
So put on your well-worn dunce cap and check out what other celebrities say about your intelligence. And if the celebrities are correct in their analysis, youâre moving your lips as you read this. Johnny Depp said a few months back, âAmerica is dumb, is something like a dumb puppy that has big teeth that can bite and hurt you.â (Depp later claimed he was quoted out of context and offered: âI am an American. I love my country and have great hopes for it. It is for this reason that I speak candidly and sometimes critically about it.â But still, weâre like dumb puppies?)
Ted Turner once said this about television-watchers: âThe United States has got some of the dumbest people in the world. I want you to know that; we know that.â Speaking of Ted Turner, Hanoi Jane Fonda was in Canada this past April and said: âI donât know if a country where the people are so ignorant of reality and of history, if you can call that a free world.â
Imagine how unphotogenic she is now that her lips have fallen off.
Also in Canada, Martin Sheen said recently: âEvery time I cross this border, I feel like Iâve left the land of lunatics. You are not armed and dangerous. You do not shoot each other. I always feel a bit more human when I come here.â Lunatics, ignorant people, dummies â even dumb puppies. Yes, we got âem all here.
Theyâre people like roâDepp, roâMoore, roâTurner, roâFonda, etc.
Where does this superior celebrity intellect come from? Itâs actually part of a larger phenomenon, one involving the president. Celebrities sneer at President Bushâs intelligence. And then they think weâre all the same, just dumb Bush-boosters. For evidence of how much smarter celebrities think they are than the president, we start again with super-smart guy Michael Moore. A year ago, he told the London Mirror (he loves those British papers), âI really do believe Bush is dumber than s@?*. Whatâs odd about all this is that Blair is a smart guy. Whatâs he doing hanging out with a dumb guy? Back at school if you were smart, you hung out with the other kids that were smart.â
Sticking with the European press, earlier this year Larry Hagman told a German newspaper that Bush was a âsad figure: not too well-educated, who doesnât get out of America much.â And Sheen told the BBC after Bush became president: âGeorge W. Bush is like a bad comic working the crowd. A moron, if youâll pardon the expression.â Iâm not sure which expression we should be pardoning there, mind you. Maybe itâs because Iâm a moron-American (weâre such a hyphenated nation these days).
But the hits continue. In April, Edward Norton said of Bush: âAs an actor, I know in my mind, watching him, what a low-quality mind he has.â And during the 2000 campaign, Cher said, âI donât like Bush. I donât trust him. I donât like his record. Heâs stupid. Heâs lazy.â
Youâre intellectually lazy, Cherry Pit.
Yikes! Stupid and lazy? Câmon, Cher! Snap out of it!
Also during the 2000 campaign, Rob Reiner said, âWe have the single most unqualified man running for president in our lifetime. Iâm not making this up! Iâm not making this up! The man has no experience, and worse than that, he has no intellectual curiosity.â Gee, he makes Bush sound like a, well, like a meathead.
No celebrity said it smarter than Sandra Bernhard. She asserted her intelligence and belittled Bush at the same time to the Washington Post in March 2002: âIâm an intelligent person from America. I was born in Michigan and raised in Arizona, and while I do reside in New York, I travel the country extensively. Any thinking person who lives in the world would be disturbed at whatâs going on right now. I think Bush is amateurish and self-serving, and, frankly, itâs disgusting.â I would offer a retort to Bernhard, but I canât think of anything smart to say. Iâve never been to Michigan.
So how did I solve those brainteasers? 
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