Article

2003-09-13 Middle East

Gulf News Online Edition. Does not appear to be intended as the Arab version of a ScrappleFace posting.
Palestinians have thrown a tight security cordon around President Yasser Arafat fearing his assassination by unconventional means that could be construed as "a natural death", highly ~~mis~~informed sources told Gulf News yesterday.

No death Yasser dies will be "natural"...

The new security steps include searching and close monitoring of all Arafatâs visitors. The sources said that one speculated method of assassination could be the direction of poisonous rays towards Arafatâs brain.
Zionist Death Rays! Bwahahahahahahaaa!
These rays can cause palpitations in the heart leading to a failure of brain resulting in gradual stop in breathing and ultimate death.
The death ray was assembled by the IDFâs leading weapons research scientist, Dr. Zarkov, (thatâs a Jewish name, isnât it?) in his secret fortress in the Negev Desert, and smuggled into the West Bank in a crate of Jewish Barbie dolls! Bwahahahahahahaaa!
"It is only curable by a specific antidote as in the bungled assassination of Khaled Mashal the head of Hamas political bureau in Jordan several years ago," the sources said.

The story about it having been poison is obviously made up, along with the details of the chase and the Clinton involvement in getting Sheikh Yassin freed...

Meanwhile, sources in the Islamic group Hamas, said that Dr Rantissi and other leaders have recently refused to give interviews to foreign television channels, especially after the failed assassination of Al Rantissi and the Israeli intention to assassinate the entire Hamas leadership. "There are fears that the Mashal assassination attempt will be repeated on other leaders by a device emitting poisonous rays embedded in a video camera," the sources explained.
Or we could use a satellite- or wire-guided device emitting lethal overpressure and shrapnel from an intense chemical reaction--fired by a nefarious, super-secret black helicopter or UFO. Bwahahahahahaaa!
Israeli Defence Minister Shaul Mofaz has revealed to his inner circle that the expulsion of President Arafat is the least the Israeli political leadership can approve, and that they should not rule out physical liquidation.
(Well, at least they got one thing correct.)

Posted by Mike 2003-09-13 12:47:49 PM|| || Front Page|| [11152 views since 2007-05-07] Top

#1 Why don't they just sneak in there and put a pillow over his face. Shouldn't be too hard since his body guards probably have the proficency of the average rap star's.
But if the IDF have "death rays", will they be wrapping him in tin foil?

Posted by tu3031 2003-9-13 12:58:48 PM|| 2003-9-13 12:58:48 PM|| Front Page Top

#2 The sources said that one speculated method of assassination could be the direction of poisonous rays towards Arafatâs brain.

He's been talking to Kucinich again...

Posted by Pappy 2003-9-13 2:02:27 PM|| 2003-9-13 2:02:27 PM|| Front Page Top

#3 I'd rather try the Noriega tactics. Didn't Metallica music work wonder during interogations of terrorists? For title, I suggest: "For Whom The Bell Tolls".

Rock over Ramallah!

Posted by True German Ally 2003-9-13 2:30:47 PM|| 2003-9-13 2:30:47 PM|| Front Page Top

#4 ...the direction of poisonous rays towards Arafatâs brain

But wouldn't they need to be remarkable shots? Such a tiny target...

Posted by mojo 2003-9-13 2:45:24 PM|| 2003-9-13 2:45:24 PM|| Front Page Top

#5 Dr Rantissi and other leaders have recently refused to give interviews to foreign television channels ...

They'd certainly know about this tactic, since it's a favored al-Qaeda one. Just ask Massoud in Afghanland. He's easy to find, stays in one place these days.

Posted by Steve White 2003-9-13 3:58:40 PM|| 2003-9-13 3:58:40 PM|| Front Page Top

#6 TGA - great thought, but the most appropriate Metallica song (yeah, I like 'em) is "King Nothing", don't you think....ahhhh the pathos

Posted by Frank G 2003-9-13 4:36:33 PM|| 2003-9-13 4:36:33 PM|| Front Page Top

#7 alternate metallica choices: "I Disappear"; "Enter Sandman (Exit Light)" and "Fade To Black"....see a theme here Yasshole?

Posted by Frank G 2003-9-13 4:59:14 PM|| 2003-9-13 4:59:14 PM|| Front Page Top

#8 ..and that they should not rule out physical liquidation.

One 2,500 pounder would be all that's needed for that.

Posted by Bomb-a-rama 2003-9-13 5:47:32 PM|| 2003-9-13 5:47:32 PM|| Front Page Top

#9 Where's the Lee Harvey Oswald of the Palestinian world ?

Posted by eyeyeye 2003-9-13 6:04:03 PM|| 2003-9-13 6:04:03 PM|| Front Page Top

#10 If youre referring to Sirhan Sirhan, he's doing time in Chino Correctional right now......

Why cant Arafat fall in the shower, or slip on some tea?

Posted by frank martin 2003-9-13 10:06:49 PM|| 2003-9-13 10:06:49 PM|| Front Page Top

#11 I'd like to see a picture of Arafat with his head wrapped in tin foil. Maybe that would convince the rest of the arab world what most of the rest of us already know: most of the "leadership" there are pretty well gone mentally.

Posted by Anonymous Troll 2003-9-13 10:40:46 PM|| 2003-9-13 10:40:46 PM|| Front Page Top

#12 B-a-R:
One 2,500 pounder would be all that's needed for that.

A large car bomb would be more appropriate, I think -- it's not like they don't know where he's located...

Posted by snellenr 2003-9-13 11:16:37 PM|| 2003-9-13 11:16:37 PM|| Front Page Top

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