Article

2007-12-13 -Short Attention Span Theater-

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Posted by Fred 2007-12-13 00:00|| || Front Page|| [1 views ] Top

#1 Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the armadillo it can be done.

And, which side of the chicken has the most feathers?

Posted by www 2007-12-13 00:20|| 2007-12-13 00:20|| Front Page Top

#2 ... the outside. (heh)

Posted by www 2007-12-13 00:21|| 2007-12-13 00:21|| Front Page Top

#3 My first wife and I lived on a farm in the Texas Pandhandle. I was new to the country life but she had inherited the place and was determined to make a farmer out of me.

There were a lot of coyotes in the area but we took a live-and-let-live attitude with them until one of them killed my wife's favorite cat. At that point, she declared war on the coyotes and enlisted me to help. She was an expert shot and quickly put paid to several of the marauders.

It happened that we had a chicken house (never a "coop") in the backyard. I couldn't stand the noisy, smelly, stupid, disgusting creatures but it was her pet project and she doted on them.

One summer night we were awakened by a fearsome racket in the chicken quarters. The wife looked out and shouted that one of the hated coyotes had gotten into the chicken enclosure. I didn't especially care if it ate all of them then and there but I did want the hellish noise to stop.

I started to get dressed so I could go out and evict the coyote. Before I could, however, the wife grabbed my Lee-Enfield out of the closet, chambered a round and aimed it out the window, which was open but screened. I said, "Don't fire that in h---" BOOM! The noise and flash were awe-inspiring and left a neat hole in the window screen.
I eventually collected my wits and went outside for some damage assessment. She had missed the coyote (which had nevertheless beaten a hasty retreat) but had hit a prime rooster. The ancient rifle had been loaded with Norma soft-points. There were feathers and chicken bits everywhere. I laughed till I hurt but the wife was not amused.

Posted by Dick Arbusto, CEO of Hallibushwater 2007-12-13 00:55|| 2007-12-13 00:55|| Front Page Top

#4 They're everywhere! They're everywhere!

At least 48% at last count in 2004 . . . . :-D

Dick Arbusto: I laughed till I hurt but the wife was not amused.

Since you're relating the story to us, it is apparent that she couldn't figure out how to chamber another round! :-)

Posted by gorb 2007-12-13 01:33|| 2007-12-13 01:33|| Front Page Top

#5 "They aerate the soil, eat bugs and they look like little tractors, tilling the soil."

You just know he made the cutesy whootsy face and when said that in his best cutesy whootsy voice.

Posted by Mike N. 2007-12-13 02:43|| 2007-12-13 02:43|| Front Page Top

#6 They're everywhere! They're everywhere!

"Well...."

You beat me to it, Winged Warrior.

Posted by eLarson 2007-12-13 08:16|| http://larsonian.blogspot.com]">[http://larsonian.blogspot.com] 2007-12-13 08:16|| Front Page Top

#7 So if the ice storm keeps you from the grocer or keep the grocers in stock, where are going to get your next meal? In the next natural disaster only the Korean neighbors will be the ones with fresh 'meat'. :)

Posted by Procopius2k 2007-12-13 08:52|| 2007-12-13 08:52|| Front Page Top

#8 Chickens.

I hate chickens.

They're not just stupid and messy, they're MEAN. They deserve to be eaten.

Posted by Rob Crawford">Rob Crawford 2007-12-13 09:11|| http://www.kloognome.com/]">[http://www.kloognome.com/] 2007-12-13 09:11|| Front Page Top

#9 There were a lot of coyotes in the area but we took a live-and-let-live attitude with them until one of them killed my wife's favorite cat.

That's funny! How does, one take a "live-and-let-live" attitude with a non human predator, and expect it to reciprocate?

Posted by WazzaWuzzaBilly 2007-12-13 09:23|| 2007-12-13 09:23|| Front Page Top

#10 Well, there are certainly a lot of chickens in the City Council.

Posted by Spot">Spot 2007-12-13 09:42|| 2007-12-13 09:42|| Front Page Top

#11 They are mean. And definitely omniverous.

After seeing one get up about 5 feet in the air to eat a grasshopper on the wing I was convinced that if they were any bigger they might be eating us.

Posted by eLarson 2007-12-13 10:01|| http://larsonian.blogspot.com]">[http://larsonian.blogspot.com] 2007-12-13 10:01|| Front Page Top

#12 My chickens aren't mean. I can pick every one of them up and hold it. They like to be petted. The eggs are much better than store-bought. I have a co-worker whose son can not eat store-bought eggs because of the hormones fed to the battery chickens. He can eat eggs from my chickens because they are only fed grain and crushed oyster shell as well as any bugs or seeds they get naturally. MMMMM, Aigs, as they say here.

Posted by Deacon Blues">Deacon Blues 2007-12-13 10:53|| 2007-12-13 10:53|| Front Page Top

#13 I sense the nefarious hand of Big Ova in this situation...

Posted by Seafarious 2007-12-13 10:59|| 2007-12-13 10:59|| Front Page Top

#14 Mmmm.... fried chicken.

Posted by DarthVader">DarthVader 2007-12-13 11:08|| 2007-12-13 11:08|| Front Page Top

#15 if they were any bigger they might be eating us.

They used to. Or at least our little mammal ancestors who were around at the time. Current thinking in biology is that birds are the last living representatives of Dinosauria.

Posted by SteveS 2007-12-13 11:19|| 2007-12-13 11:19|| Front Page Top

#16 I thought that was Helen Thomas.

Posted by Seafarious 2007-12-13 11:37|| 2007-12-13 11:37|| Front Page Top

#17 My family had chickens when I was growing up, in a small city. They were some of the best pets we ever had! A couple even won ribbons in the county fair.

Posted by Scooter McGruder 2007-12-13 12:48|| 2007-12-13 12:48|| Front Page Top

#18 Good story, Dick.

Posted by Ebbang Uluque6305 2007-12-13 12:48|| 2007-12-13 12:48|| Front Page Top

#19 RE:#9
How does, one take a "live-and-let-live" attitude with a non human predator, and expect it to reciprocate?

i have been waiting for the democrats to answer that one for a while.. (wot)

Posted by Abu do you love 2007-12-13 13:02|| 2007-12-13 13:02|| Front Page Top

#20 Re#3: "I didn't especially care if it ate all of them then and there but I did want the hellish noise to stop. "
By 'hellish noise' are you referring to the chickens or your wife's shrieking???????
You failed to clarify. (and I am surprised that this omission wasn't picked up on by the usually very observant Rantburg proofers)

Posted by USN,Ret. 2007-12-13 14:48|| 2007-12-13 14:48|| Front Page Top

#21 Chicagoan Kim Jackson said her two chickens, Papoo and Chalmers, do a little quiet talking but that's it.
Chalmers ? Would that be Alice Chalmers ?

Posted by wxjames 2007-12-13 15:02|| 2007-12-13 15:02|| Front Page Top

#22 Ya wann hear hellish noise? Get a couple of Guinea Fowl.

Posted by Deacon Blues">Deacon Blues 2007-12-13 15:34|| 2007-12-13 15:34|| Front Page Top

#23 To tell the truth, USN, I couldn't tell the difference.

Posted by Dick Arbusto, CEO of Hallibushwater 2007-12-13 16:43|| 2007-12-13 16:43|| Front Page Top

#24 SteveS: Or at least our little mammal ancestors who were around at the time. Current thinking in biology is that birds are the last living representatives of Dinosauria.

Seafarious: #16 I thought that was Helen Thomas.

a mere repro of Helen Thomas's mug will kill most varmits on first sight...don't know about her smell, and sorta don't want to, know nothin...ewww

Posted by RD">RD 2007-12-13 17:05|| 2007-12-13 17:05|| Front Page Top

#25 You can find Doug Zongker's Chicken Lecture on YouTube. I think he won an Ig Nobel Prize for it.

Posted by Eric Jablow">Eric Jablow 2007-12-13 20:37|| 2007-12-13 20:37|| Front Page Top

#26 #16 I thought that was Helen Thomas.

no, chickens are edible

Posted by Frank G">Frank G 2007-12-13 21:47|| 2007-12-13 21:47|| Front Page Top

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