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2007-11-27 Olde Tyme Religion
Pilgrims warned of buying unofficial coupons for Hajj sacrifice
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Posted by Seafarious 2007-11-27 00:00|| E-Mail|| Front Page|| [6479 views ]  Top

#1 They object to entrepreneurs horning in on the state's official scam.
Posted by mojo">mojo  2007-11-27 15:27||   2007-11-27 15:27|| Front Page Top

#2 No better time to trot out the old chestnut:

WARNING

WE RECOMMEND ONLY GENUINE JIHAD. ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES


Fake jihad does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either Muslims, my mosque, my Imam or the ummah. All jizya reserved. You may distribute this message freely but you may not take riba from it. Jihad is subject to change without notice. This jihad has not been safety tested for children under the age of 3. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show bomb construction detail. Intended solely for the private use of Muslims. Any resemblance to sane persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental. Do not remove pages from Koran under penalty of law. Wash hands and feet before use, dry bomb vest on low heat. Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle Koran. Your blast radius may vary. No substitute jihads allowed. Daw'ah is for a limited time only. This jihad is mandatory where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Attacks may vary in Alaska, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico. Jihad is provided "as is" without any warranties. Terrorist assumes full responsibility. Past detonations do not predict future results and people can and do lose lives or body parts. This is an equal opportunity jihad. No shoes, no shirt, no jihad. C-4 quantities are limited while supplies last. If any fake jihads are discovered, do not attempt to carry them out yourself, but return to an authorized Mosque for service. Read Koran at your own risk. Parental advisory - explicit prayers. Suras may contain explicit materials sane readers may find objectionable. Parental indoctrination is advised. Keep away from line of fire. Keep Korans away from Jews and Infidels. Limit one free Koran per family please. No bomb vests on credit. No thinking necessary. You need not be sane to detonate. Some wiring required. Batteries not included. Instructions are posted at jihad website. Action figures sold at Mosque. No jihad is guaranteed. Slippery when bloody. Safety keffiyeh may be required during use. Fused for your protection. Do not pray if safety seal is broken. Shout “Allahu Ackbar!” before you boom. Not liable for fake jihad arising from use or misuse of Koran. For use against Jews and Infidels only. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, shout “in’shalla” and continue praying. Read Koran only with proper indoctrination. Do not avoid extreme doctrines and conduct jihad in a cool dry place. Keep bomb vest away from open flames. Avoid contact with Jews and Infidels and avoid inhaling blast fumes. Puncture, incinerate, or stone all transgressors. Do not jihad near a flammable or magnetic source. Smoking your Koran could be hazardous to your health. Jihadi carries no cash. No alcohol, dogs or pigs. Unauthorized reproduction strictly prohibited. No haram ingredients unless otherwise specified. Mosque package – not for resale. List at least two alternate targets. First blow up, then fall down. Some whiffs of sanity mentioned in this jihad appear for identification purposes only. Record jihad attacks on back of Koran. Jihad™ is a registered trademark of Islam. No jihads until the thinking comes to a complete stop. Jihad only as directed. No other jihad expressed or implied. Jihad will be paid for by zakat. This is not an offer to sell jihad. Jihad may be too intense for some victims. Freshest if detonated before date on bomb vest. Jihad subject to change without notice. Assault times approximate. Simulated thought processes. As seen on al-Jazeera. One bomb vest kills all. Many jihadis look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-explosive ingredients. We have sent the jihadis which seem right for you. For Islamic use only. Jihad was current at time of detonation. You must be this tall to jihad. Jihadis have been briefed on some questions before the boom. You must boom to win. No truth, honor, integrity, sanity, rationality or cohesive cognition added. If boomed, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult an imam. May cause explosiveness. Alcohol may intensify this effect. Use caution when booming a car or bus. Possible penalties for early detonation. Loss of virgins may apply. Jihad valid only at Jew and Infidel sites. Slightly higher west of the Green Zone. Allow four to six seconds for detonation. Must be 5 to boom or marry. Jihads are closer than they appear. Jihad does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, sewage tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of Allah. Neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect indoctrination, unauthorized Koran reading, broken minaret or marred prayer rug, missing or altered serial numbers on weapons, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane hijack, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle exploding, dropping the Koran, falling mosques, leaky sewage ponds, broken greenhouses, rooftop swan dives, automatic weapons fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.). Other shari’a laws may apply. Jihad ends in case of nuclear holocaust. Jihad measured by death toll only. Contact your local mosque for details. Do not taunt Happy Fun Jihad. Explosives may settle in transit. May cause random outbursts of extreme violence, epileptic seizures, or whatever. Actual jihad may differ from explanation in sermon.


Posted by Zenster">Zenster  2007-11-27 23:03||   2007-11-27 23:03|| Front Page Top

23:35 rjschwarz
23:34 Glung McGurque2454
23:30 rjschwarz
23:29 rjschwarz
23:29 rjschwarz
23:21 OldSpook
23:17 OldSpook
23:16 OldSpook
23:06 3dc
23:04 danking70
23:03 Zenster
22:59 rjschwarz
22:56 trailing wife
22:55 rjschwarz
22:54 Zenster
22:54 JosephMendiola
22:49 trailing wife
22:49 Secret Master
22:47 Zenster
22:45 Glung McGurque2454
22:44 KBK
22:41 KBK
22:38 Zenster
22:37 trailing wife
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