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2006-01-04 -Short Attention Span Theater-
Woman weds dolphin
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Posted by anonymous5089 2006-01-04 06:12|| E-Mail|| Front Page|| [10801 views since 2007-05-07]  Top

#1 I'd rather see her do that than simply turn lesbian if she cant get a date.
Posted by bigjim-ky 2006-01-04 09:19||   2006-01-04 09:19|| Front Page Top

#2 plucked up the courage

"Plucked up" pretty much explains it.
Posted by Besoeker 2006-01-04 09:35||   2006-01-04 09:35|| Front Page Top

#3 Last week, Ms Tendler finally plucked up the courage to ask the dolphin's trainer for the mammal's fin in marriage.

Bet that was an akward conversation. What is it with the weird British chicks in Israel this week? Is their some kind of forced emmigration program I don't know about?
Posted by rjschwarz 2006-01-04 10:01||   2006-01-04 10:01|| Front Page Top

#4 sheesh.. to hell with the wedding, I wanna hear about the consummation.

/eh so what, ima perv
Posted by Shoboater Angelton6948 2006-01-04 10:14||   2006-01-04 10:14|| Front Page Top

#5 "After the ceremony was sealed with some mackerels"

In French a mackerel is slang for a pimp.

Oh, and while we are at it male dolphins last only a few seconds.
Posted by JFM">JFM  2006-01-04 10:16||   2006-01-04 10:16|| Front Page Top

#6 Then flipper will have something in common with your average human husband, JFM.

Oh, and Ms. Tendler... er Mrs. Flipper, you are definately a pervert.
Posted by Secret Master 2006-01-04 11:27||   2006-01-04 11:27|| Front Page Top

#7 At least she married within her Class.
Posted by ed 2006-01-04 12:24||   2006-01-04 12:24|| Front Page Top

#8 I'm sure their registry makes very interesting reading.
Posted by Dreadnought 2006-01-04 12:29||   2006-01-04 12:29|| Front Page Top

#9 I've read someplace that people have been warned AGAINST sex with male dolphins: people have had puncture wounds if they got in the way of the ejaculate.
Posted by Ptah">Ptah  2006-01-04 12:36||]">[]  2006-01-04 12:36|| Front Page Top

#10 @ Ptah : this needs to be confirmed, as this would pose lotsa problems for "marineland" type shows, but IIRC I've read a long time ago that the "Flipper" shows and movie actually used female dolphins, because male dolphins get sexually aroused when being touched around, like a child actor swimming while grabbing them (swimming along and touching would actually be part of their nuptial dance), and they got *enormous*, er, "woodies" which are not very suitable for a family-oriented show...
Posted by anonymous5089 2006-01-04 13:25||   2006-01-04 13:25|| Front Page Top

#11 Re: Woodies... I'll bet that played hell with their hydrodynamics, too, lol.

Peeing in the pool is bad enough...
Posted by .com 2006-01-04 13:30||   2006-01-04 13:30|| Front Page Top

#12 What do you prescribe to a male Dolphine with ED? Sealis of course.
Posted by Besoeker 2006-01-04 14:03||   2006-01-04 14:03|| Front Page Top

#13 ROFL!!!

Coffee Alert !!!
Posted by .com 2006-01-04 14:09||   2006-01-04 14:09|| Front Page Top

#14 A5089: I got the info from a zoophilia site whose link came from Brother's Judd: sorry that I cannot provide it. The guy there distinguished bestiality from zoophilia by stating that, by having the superior intellect, that humans should be kind to animals and let the relationships be initiated from the animal end: that's zoophilia. Bestiality is when the human initiates the relationship against what passes as the "will" and "choice" of the animal. He goes on to counsel people on how to do it if they were ever "lucky" enough to be chosen by a dolphin, how to, umm, handle dolphin woodie, and specifically warned against getting in the line of fire...

I'm not all that emotionally tied up in that statement: just reporting what I heard...
Posted by Ptah">Ptah  2006-01-04 14:11||]">[]  2006-01-04 14:11|| Front Page Top

#15 Male dolphins will occasionally commite rape when a female human gets into their tank believe it or not. It happens often enough that Caarl Haaisaan made a plot point out of it in one of his books.

The damage caused was never mentioned so I tend to doubt that but the rape itself would seem to be cause for worry.
Posted by rjschwarz 2006-01-04 14:27||   2006-01-04 14:27|| Front Page Top

#16 So, I guess the new way to say a guy is, um, generously endowed and studly is "hung like a dolphin"?

I'm never gonna look at Flipper ever again without blushing now....
Posted by Desert Blondie 2006-01-04 14:28|| ]">[ ]  2006-01-04 14:28|| Front Page Top

#17  "hung like a dolphin"?

Er, thats a whale of a willie!
Posted by Besoeker 2006-01-04 14:39||   2006-01-04 14:39|| Front Page Top

#18 Here's one playing with a pussy...

Posted by .com 2006-01-04 14:45||   2006-01-04 14:45|| Front Page Top

#19 I read the Carl Hiassen book, very similar scenario to this particular piece of work. But the punchline: her last thought was as her husband took her to the bottom of the pool, dolphins mate underwater!
Posted by Grunter 2006-01-04 14:55||   2006-01-04 14:55|| Front Page Top

#20 .com, you are a very sick man. ;)
Posted by Desert Blondie 2006-01-04 15:04|| ]">[ ]  2006-01-04 15:04|| Front Page Top

#21 Aw, DB, you say the nicest things!

Posted by .com 2006-01-04 15:12||   2006-01-04 15:12|| Front Page Top

#22 I can't wait to see their cute little mermaids.
Posted by 2b 2006-01-04 15:22||   2006-01-04 15:22|| Front Page Top

#23 How does a burgandy taffeta bridesmaid mermaid dress stand up underwater, 2b? ;-)
Posted by .com 2006-01-04 15:25||   2006-01-04 15:25|| Front Page Top

#24 Can anyone point me to DB's "sick man" line ??? Oh I see, I'm already in it. Thanks!
Posted by Besoeker 2006-01-04 15:31||   2006-01-04 15:31|| Front Page Top

#25 A 41 year old woman doesn't get married, has no kids, but pleads undying love to another species.

How very postmodern Euro that is.

Is this truly anecdotal, or just the most extreme object example of the overall solipsistic, self absorbed, irresponsible inverted reality that is one of the pillars of EUroland's slow impending extinction?
Posted by no mo uro 2006-01-04 16:18||   2006-01-04 16:18|| Front Page Top

#26 Well... I'm tentatively supportive, I guess. As long as she doesn't convert to some freak dolphin religion which demands wholesale genocide of tuna, haddock, scuba divers, and Jooooos.
Posted by BH 2006-01-04 17:04||   2006-01-04 17:04|| Front Page Top

#27 Um, in that Carl Hiassen book, the victim was a man.
Posted by Eric Jablow">Eric Jablow  2006-01-04 17:35||   2006-01-04 17:35|| Front Page Top

#28 Letters to Dolphin Penthouse:

"I'm a male dolphin at a Midwestern aquarium/theme park studying phonics and autoresponse to a certain bell sound. I never thought this would happen to me: a lovely female human stroked my back and then my *ahem* rudder, if you get my drift...she smelled lovingly of cod liver and mackeral..."
Posted by Frank G">Frank G  2006-01-04 21:21||   2006-01-04 21:21|| Front Page Top

#29 It was a Sharon McCrumb book which had a subplot about a woman marrying a dolphin, the legal case involved, and her last thought being about mating underwater... just as funny as the Hiasson book, not quite as sick. (sorry, can't remember title. Too late in the evening, I'm too tired to schlepp over to the bookcase and look through the back covers)
Posted by Sgt. Mom">Sgt. Mom  2006-01-04 22:23||]">[]  2006-01-04 22:23|| Front Page Top

23:56 11A5S
23:56 11A5S
23:47 3dc
23:30 Frank G
23:19 Barbara Skolaut
23:18 Ulotle Wholuse7269
23:15 11A5S
23:07 Snump Flaviper5941
23:04 Frank G
22:36 Alaska Paul
22:29 Alaska Paul
22:28 RWV
22:23 Sgt. Mom
22:14 Alaska Paul
22:09 .com
22:09 RWV
21:50 bigjim-ky
21:48 Frank G
21:42 Korora
21:42 bigjim-ky
21:42 Frank G
21:36 Frank G
21:32 Zenster
21:29 Frank G

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