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2006-11-03 Iraq

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Posted by Bobby 2006-11-03 05:57|| || Front Page|| [11131 views since 2007-05-07] Top

#1 Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.

Posted by anonymous5089 2006-11-03 08:34|| 2006-11-03 08:34|| Front Page Top

#2 Well, it's always good to find out you're on the same side as the Narn.

BTW, you forgot:

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Unfortunately he never cries.

Posted by Abdominal Snowman 2006-11-03 09:23|| 2006-11-03 09:23|| Front Page Top

#3 Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Posted by OldSpook 2006-11-03 09:24|| 2006-11-03 09:24|| Front Page Top

#4 The Theory of Evolution one always cracks me up.

Posted by JAB 2006-11-03 09:25|| 2006-11-03 09:25|| Front Page Top

#5 I think my favorite is

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Posted by anonymous5089 2006-11-03 09:28|| 2006-11-03 09:28|| Front Page Top

#6 chuck norris's cowboy boots are made out of cowboys

Posted by Fleater Chimp8076 2006-11-03 09:32|| 2006-11-03 09:32|| Front Page Top

#7 "Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash."

"If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's f#####g beef."

Posted by IG-88 2006-11-03 10:24|| 2006-11-03 10:24|| Front Page Top

#8 Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill every insurgent in Fallujah...Fourty seven times.

Posted by mcsegeek1 2006-11-03 10:24|| 2006-11-03 10:24|| Front Page Top

#9 A5089: I had never heard the Amelia Earhart one before. I thought that was great.

Posted by Charles 2006-11-03 10:56|| 2006-11-03 10:56|| Front Page Top

#10 the one 'bout Chuck Norris and the Old Testament is purty gud.

Posted by RD 2006-11-03 11:24|| 2006-11-03 11:24|| Front Page Top

#11 During the 15th century Chuck Norris became tired of sailors complaining about falling off the edge of the Earth. Chuck Norris then round house kicked the Earth and made it round. He then created Scientology so that one day he could have a reason to hate Tom Cruise.

Posted by mcsegeek1 2006-11-03 11:58|| 2006-11-03 11:58|| Front Page Top

#12 Chuck Norris doesn't visit Fallujah. Fallujah visits Chuck Norris!

Posted by Dar">Dar 2006-11-03 12:36|| 2006-11-03 12:36|| Front Page Top

#13 The 5 Commandments that Mel, er, Moses dropped coming down the mountain:

11. Thou shalt not Kill, not becauseth it's bad, but becauseth that's Chuck's job.
12. Thou shalt shave but once per week so that thou shalt look like Chuck.
13. Thou shalt buy the Home Gym® Chuck selleth on TV.
14. Thou shalt not covet Christie Brinkley for she is Chuck's bitch.
15. Thou shalt not put Don Wilson or Steven Seagal before Chuck. And that goes double for that Belgian fluffer.

Posted by .com 2006-11-03 13:01|| 2006-11-03 13:01|| Front Page Top

#14 On Chuck Norris 'mania' sweeping the Net
By Chuck norris

Posted by anonymous5089 2006-11-03 13:33|| 2006-11-03 13:33|| Front Page Top

#15 Rofl!!!

"If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever."

"Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship."

"Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5."

Gawd, my face hurts, lol.

Posted by .com 2006-11-03 13:40|| 2006-11-03 13:40|| Front Page Top

#16 http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

Posted by anonymous5089 2006-11-03 14:12|| 2006-11-03 14:12|| Front Page Top

#17 http://www.whatwouldchucknorrisdo.net/

Posted by .com 2006-11-03 14:22|| 2006-11-03 14:22|| Front Page Top

#18 "The dinosaurs pissed off Chuck Norris once... ONCE."

Posted by .com 2006-11-03 14:27|| 2006-11-03 14:27|| Front Page Top

#19 What's an object with a gravitational field so strong that nothing can escape it not even light?

Black Hole? WRONG! Chuck Norris.

Posted by mcsegeek1 2006-11-03 14:36|| 2006-11-03 14:36|| Front Page Top

#20 "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know when Chuck Norris going to kill you."

Posted by .com 2006-11-03 14:37|| 2006-11-03 14:37|| Front Page Top

#21 ABC Nightline (usually *spit*) story...

"These kids might never recognize the kid Norris once was: scrawny, uncoordinated, raised by a single mom in Oklahoma.

He joined the Air Force in 1958, after high school, and discovered martial arts while stationed in Korea. He came home with a black belt. He began competing in order to drum up business for his karate studio and went on to win six world titles."

Posted by .com 2006-11-03 14:39|| 2006-11-03 14:39|| Front Page Top

#22 For the Doc.

Posted by .com 2006-11-03 14:52|| 2006-11-03 14:52|| Front Page Top

#23 *ring*
Chuck: "Yes? Chuck Norris here."
Sauron: "Oh, sorry. Nevermind."

Posted by .com 2006-11-03 15:13|| 2006-11-03 15:13|| Front Page Top

#24 Chuck Norris hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Mebbe so, but a Smith & Wesson still beats four aces.

So, nothing about Chuck Norris' sperm smoking Marlboroughs?

Posted by Zenster">Zenster 2006-11-03 16:28|| 2006-11-03 16:28|| Front Page Top

#25 Chuck Norris doesn't visit, he infiltrates with extreme prejudice.

Posted by Hupeaper Slarong5013 2006-11-03 22:26|| 2006-11-03 22:26|| Front Page Top

#26 Chuck Norris isnt lactose intolerant. He just doesnt put up with lactoses shit.

Posted by .com 2006-11-03 22:34|| 2006-11-03 22:34|| Front Page Top

#27 Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

Posted by .com 2006-11-03 22:35|| 2006-11-03 22:35|| Front Page Top

#28 Q: What do you call the sort of barbaric cretin who wants sex on a first date?

A: A man.

Posted by Zenster">Zenster 2006-11-03 23:10|| 2006-11-03 23:10|| Front Page Top

13:49 military men as dumb, stupid animals
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23:48 JosephMendiola
23:43 DMFD
23:39 Lancasters Over Dresden
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23:14 3dc
23:10 Zenster
22:46 Thinemp Whimble2412
22:41 Lanny Ddub
22:35 Thinemp Whimble2412
22:35 .com
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22:24 trailing wife
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