Article

2022-06-24 -Short Attention Span Theater-

Vlogger Jeff Wittek, 32, sues YouTube millionaire David Dobrik, 25, for $10 MILLION after suffering 'broken skull and face' when he was swung on rope attached to an excavator for a stunt

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Posted by Skidmark 2022-06-24 00:00|| || Front Page|| [7 views ] Top

#1 Dear Jeff - May I call you Jeff? Thank you so much.

See, here's the thing: this was, even by 2022 standards, a remarkably stupid thing to do. I, and most people with working higher brain stem functions, would never think about doing anything like this. But you somehow got it into your head that taking a piece of heavy equipment governed by Federal safety regulations six inches thick, tying yourself to it, and then having an equally logic-challenged friend spin you around, was a Good Idea. Spoiler - it wasn't.

I'm going to offer you a bit of advice: Darwin always comes out ahead, Jeff - you cannot beat the house. His rules are as ironclad as those of Newtonian physics. Now, he may or may not swat you down with the ultimate sanction, and I cannot explain why that is, but you will know it when he addresses you...and Brother, you been addressed. In this case, I shall assume that you have been given the Karmic equivalent of a two-minute warning, and you should heed it.

Reflect upon your sins, Jeff. It may well be your only - and last - opportunity to avoid what surely waits for you if you do something this moronic again.

Best Regards,

Mike

Posted by MikeKozlowski 2022-06-24 07:44|| 2022-06-24 07:44|| Front Page Top

#2 most people with ~~working~~ remaining higher brain stem functions

Posted by Skidmark 2022-06-24 10:24|| 2022-06-24 10:24|| Front Page Top

#3 Skull shattered in nine places. Apparently he wasn't using it

Posted by Frank G 2022-06-24 10:40|| 2022-06-24 10:40|| Front Page Top

#4 governed by Federal safety regulations six inches thick

Not nearly thick enough, apparently.

Posted by Matt 2022-06-24 16:28|| 2022-06-24 16:28|| Front Page Top

#5 Wait. His skull was thick enough to think that stunt was a good idea.

I don't get it...

Posted by M. Murcek 2022-06-24 16:33|| 2022-06-24 16:33|| Front Page Top

#6 In the brass balls department, apparently there's a lawyer who (1) agreed to represent this guy and (2) wrote the number $10 million in the complaint.

Posted by Matt 2022-06-24 16:44|| 2022-06-24 16:44|| Front Page Top

#7 Perhaps there was Roundup, Talcum Powder, or Asbestos present?

Posted by Frank G 2022-06-24 19:37|| 2022-06-24 19:37|| Front Page Top

#8 ^ The laws of physics have a disparate impact on Moron-Americans.

Posted by Matt 2022-06-24 19:44|| 2022-06-24 19:44|| Front Page Top

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