Love is blind, especially after it's been maced: A couple argues and she sprays him while he's driving, deputies say. She's in jail.
By THOMAS LAKE PORT RICHEY - Humans survived the last several millennia through hunting and gathering, adaptation to habitat and generally heeding the self-preservation instinct. This instinct warned your ancestors to avoid many things, including black water and wounded rattlesnakes, and in recent years it has expanded to advise you against blinding your driver with pepper spray while your car rolls through public streets. Makes sense.
Hmmm... Yellow snow... I'm hungry... Why is my spider sense tingling?
But this instinct bows to free will.
"Outta the way, Instinct! I, Free Will, am takin' over!"
"You'll be sorrrrrrreeeee!"
"But I'm..."
"Shuddup, Reason! Piss off!"
Free will is very overrated, IMHO.
Especially with a nudge from alcohol. Alcohol helps sooth the pain.
Yersh. Yerright. [Hic!]
Witness the tale of Janine Marie Kelly, relayed here from Pasco County Sheriff's Office reports.
Pray, tell on, whilst we restrain our insticts to giggle.
She was riding home with her boyfriend about 11:30 p.m. Tuesday when she seems to have lost her temper.
"Honey, calm down! Lissen to yer instincts!"
After interviewing both of them, a deputy was given to understand they had been at a friend's house, and she'd had a few drinks.
"Gimme annuzzher slugga gin!"
"Honey, that's yer eleventh..."
"Shuddup!"
Kelly is 25. Her occupation is listed as "Dial America."
She's a telemarketer? Hangin's too good for her!"
She began to yell, the reports say.
"RATBASTIDSUNNMABISH!"
"Honey, I..."
"MUDHOLE!"
Her boyfriend, 26-year-old Brian Ditalma, said the diatribe touched all Four Horsemen of the Domestic Dispute: Money, Children, Deception and Relationship Status. Then came the chemical warfare.
"YER A PIKER, BRIAN! OUR KIDZ LOOK FUNNY BECAUSE O' YOU, BRIAN! YER A LIAR, BRIAN! I'M DUMPIN' YER ASS, BRIAN, AN' THE REST O' YOU WITH IT!"
Ditalma's account makes it sound as if the attack was unprovoked.
"Yeah. I wudn't doin' nuttin'!"
Kelly told the deputy that Ditalma pushed her while he was driving
"Ahhhhh, shuddup, bish!"
and she pulled a pepper-spray canister from her purse, reports say.
"No, honey! Not the...!"
They were near the intersection of Stone Road and Harvey Lane in the Holiday Hill subdivision just east of U.S. 19. She sprayed him in the face, reports say.
[Pfffft!]
"Aaaaaiiiieeee!"
[SWERVE!]
Pepper spray, or oleoresin capsicum, is
... grounds for divorce in all 50 states, even if you're not married...
600 times hotter than cayenne pepper, according to several published reports. He was in pain, driving nearly blind. "I can't see sh*t!"
According to the Sheriff's Office, here's what happened next: He slowed the car to a crawl.
[SCREECH!]
She opened her door.
[KALUNK!]
And she fell to the pavement.
[THUD! ROLL!] "Ow! I'm SUING!"
There are at least three explanations for how this happened.
At least three. Four and up are just more unlikely...
He says she jumped out.
"Dat's right, officer! The bish jumped!"
She says he pushed her out.
"Right. I pushed the bish after she pepper sprayed me. I found her by braille! And I reached across her to open the door!"
An independent witness says that he hit a bump and she fell out. According to the incident report, the independent witness said, "Daddy hit a bump and Mommy fell out." The independent witness is 6 years old. A 6 years old liar, and probably a junkie.
"Daddy stopped the car after Mommy pepper-sprayed him, but he hit a bump so she fell off when she tried to climb on her broom!"
Regardless, no one was seriously injured.
"Hey, lady! Are youse seriously injured?"
[PFFFT!]
"Aaaaiiiieeee! My eyes!"
The arrest report makes no mention of a crash, suggesting that Ditalma managed to stop the car without further incident. Kelly, of 8917 Harvey Lane, Port Richey, was arrested on a misdemeanor charge of domestic battery and held without bail Wednesday at the Land O'Lakes jail.
"Into da drunk tank witcher, Missy!"
[PFFT!]
"Aaaaaiiiieeee!"
Ditalma and Kelly have been together 10 years.
It's seemed a lot longer, of course...
Their two children were in the car with them.
Shoulda left 'em back in the trailer house. Sounds like they'da been safer alone, playing with matches.
And if it appears that she took leave of her maternal instinct as well as that of self-preservation, this is the reason she gave for opening the car door. She wanted to spare the children from the fumes. Makes sense, especially if you take free will and alcohol into account.
... along with an IQ in the middle to low 2-digits.
Thomas Lake can be reached at tlake@sptimes.com or toll-free at 1-800-333-7505, ext. 6245.
#6
By the way, years ago I managed to get an entry in the Bullwer-Lytton contest. Here is one of the 2006 winners (not mine):
"Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean."
"Gripping his six-shot Colt Python with 8-inch barrel and Royal Blue finish, and tightening the straps on his Paratec Speed 2000 parachute, Jake leaped from the left aft hatchway of the tumbling, green-and-silver, twin-engined Embraer Lineage 1000, which had seating for nineteen passengers."
#11
"Would that I had been more attentive to professor Jenkins' lecture on "Anitidaethropes" in my abnormal psychology veterinary class, even though that knowledge would be of little use to me know, standing face-to-beak with the largest flock of were-ducks in Burbank."
"Do you enjoy the pate de fois gras, my dear?", said Terry to his date, "I make it myself."
"Looking dapper and debonair in his tailored suit with silk ascot, Reginald, the newest member of the 13th fusiliers veterans club downed the traditional shot of habanero schnapps, then screamed and rammed his head through the dry-wall, to no one's great surprise."
"I will never submit to your lustful advances", cried Princess Beatrice, as the wealthy, powerful, muscular and strikingly handsome Count Bertrand leered, then slowly adjusted his mink gloves, "at least for another half-hour!"
"Reginald was no racist, for people, be they white, black, brown, red or yellow, he preferred to think of in his own space-alien terms: as either "crunchy" or "chewy"."
Is this one of those graduates of the Hillary Clinton Public Administration Academy?
A high-level manager for the Housing Authority of the City of Los Angeles directed nearly $800,000 in contracts to his brothers and three politically connected firms without competitive bidding or after rigged contests, a Times review has found. The manager, Victor Taracena, oversaw more than 150 contracts worth about half a million dollars that went directly to companies his brothers created, contract files show. Seven other contracts worth $289,000 were awarded to non-family firms, two of which had little or no expertise in the work they were hired to do.
Posted by: Fred ||
07/29/2007 00:00 ||
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#1
This is normal contracting procedure in the Democratic Party paradise of Illinois. Of course with this highlevel of fiscal resposibility, Illinois and Cook County, and Chicago are on the edge of bankruptcy.
A CROW hooked on lager sticks his beak in his favourite tipple defying a furious landlady who has BARRED him from her pub. The boozy bird nicknamed Carling by drinkers swoops on customers pints whenever they turn their backs.
Sarah Wyatt, manager of the David Protheroe pub in Neath, South Wales, moaned yesterday: At first everyone thought it was funny. Then a bird expert pointed out hes a carrion crow which feeds off dead animals. Weve told all our customers he is banned. If they see him they should chase him off.
Regular Steve Morgan, 31, said: If you nip to the loo you come back and find him supping your beer. Im glad hes been banned. You never know where his beaks been.
Posted by: Fred ||
07/29/2007 00:00 ||
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#1
All I wanna do is have some fun
Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard.
#4
Sing a song of sixpence a pocket full of rye,
Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie.
When the pie was opened the birds began to sing,
Oh wasn't that a dainty dish to set before the king?
The king was in his counting house counting out his money,
The queen was in the parlour eating bread and honey
The maid was in the garden hanging out the clothes,
When down came a blackbird and pecked off her nose!
#5
I have a strict rule against anybody putting their pecker in my beer. Just makes sense
Posted by: Frank G ||
07/29/2007 13:26 Comments ||
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#6
Cheap revolver. 22 caliber. You can get them with 9 round cylinders. Load with bird shot crimped rounds. Its in Britain? Its practically certain the bird knows absolutely nuthin' about hand guns.
Put the large glass of Lager out. Let the bird have a free run and get to know you. Put another one out the same place the next day at the same time. Let the bird get to know you better.
If the bird is as close as this customer in the photo is...cock the pistols under a towel and just hold it in your lap. dont make a sudden move, just swing the pistol up gently. Shoot the bird about three times, squeeze the trigger three rounds in two seconds.. just click pop click pop click PoP.
The birdshot rounds are very quiet and the shot is not something that will carry very far so you wont be putting any rounds into the furniture or the walls. Warn everybody ahead of time. That's why you pick the time and the place so the bird has a clear go and you have a clear kill zone.
There will be a bit of a mess, have the cleaning materials ready and somplace to wash up. Dispose of the bird in the trash.If the customers want to watch ...make them pay. If anybody warns the bird...tell the paying-to-watch customers ( there is always some cute guy ) that you have a gun and you dont like people who waste your time being cute.
Squeamish? Some people are, I am not. You dont have to watch.
Turns out the bird didnt know you as well as he thought he did.
#3
I immediately thought of girls in burqas doing the "galop infernal" (Can-Can) at the end of Offenbach's Orpheus in the Underworld. Complete with frilly underwear.
More than a half-century after he finished the requirements to earn the rank, an 88-year-old man was honored as an Eagle Scout, making him possibly the oldest person yet to collect the Boy Scout honour.
Walter Hart could not become an Eagle Scout at the time he earned the rank because his service in World War II got in the way.
"I've been looking forward to this for a long time," Hart, who lives in a retirement centre in Lehigh Acres, said on Saturday. Scout officials say he may be the oldest person to date to earn the honour.
Hart joined the Cub Scouts in 1928 and earned 23 merit badges during his years as a Boy Scout, scouting officials said. Of the 120 merit badges available, 21 must be earned to qualify for Eagle Scout rank.
It all got set aside when he joined the Navy during World War II and served two years aboard the USS Alfred A Cunningham.
Last year, he rediscovered some of his old Boy Scout memorabilia, including documents that showed he completed the requirements for his Eagle Scout rank. He contacted the Scouts about receiving his award.
"I think this was something that was always on his mind, but every time he went to go do it, something else came up," daughter Elizabeth Gatturna said. "I know how hard he's tried to get to this point."
Only about 5% of all Boy Scouts earn the rank of Eagle Scout.
Since 1912, nearly 1,9-million Eagles have been awarded, but the recipients' ages aren't recorded, Boy Scout officials said.
"I'd be pretty surprised if anyone older has ever become an Eagle Scout," said Margie Byers, spokesperson for the South-West Florida council of the Boy Scouts of America. -- Sapa-AP
Congratulations Walter and thank you for your World War II service.
#2
Becoming an Eagle Scout is like becoming a Marine: there are no ex- or former of either. Congratulations, Mr. Hart! May you, by your actions, continue to exemplify the Boy Scout creed, and to inspire those who follow to do likewise.
#1
While revealing attire should most definitely not be the pivotal factor in selecting a specimen of womanly beauty, I somehow doubt that purity of honorable intention towards non-Muslims counted for squat in the judging.
A multi-volume chronology and reference guide set detailing three years of the Mexican Drug War between 2010 and 2012.
Rantburg.com and borderlandbeat.com correspondent and author Chris Covert presents his first non-fiction work detailing
the drug and gang related violence in Mexico.
Chris gives us Mexican press dispatches of drug and gang war violence
over three years, presented in a multi volume set intended to chronicle the death, violence and mayhem which has
dominated Mexico for six years.
Rantburg was assembled from recycled algorithms in the United States of America. No
trees were destroyed in the production of this weblog. We did hurt some, though. Sorry.
PORT RICHEY - Humans survived the last several millennia through hunting and gathering, adaptation to habitat and generally heeding the self-preservation instinct. This instinct warned your ancestors to avoid many things, including black water and wounded rattlesnakes, and in recent years it has expanded to advise you against blinding your driver with pepper spray while your car rolls through public streets.
She was riding home with her boyfriend about 11:30 p.m. Tuesday when she seems to have lost her temper. 
Pepper spray, or oleoresin capsicum, is 
A CROW hooked on lager sticks his beak in his favourite tipple defying a furious landlady who has BARRED him from her pub. The boozy bird nicknamed Carling by drinkers swoops on customers pints whenever they turn their backs. 
More than a half-century after he finished the requirements to earn the rank, an 88-year-old man was honored as an Eagle Scout, making him possibly the oldest person yet to collect the Boy Scout honour.
