(2005-05-31) -- Just hours after French President Jacques Chirac appointed him prime minister, former Interior Minister Dominique de Villepin (who is a man), unveiled his plan to rally the French people behind a revised version of the European Union constitution, which French voters rejected this weekend.

Mr. de Villepin, who won the hearts and minds of Saddam Hussein's Ba'ath regime during his service as French foreign minister, attacked the challenge with the zeal and savoir faire of a career diplomat.

"The problems with the EU constitution are really just aesthetic and semantic," said Mr. de Villepin. "Image is everything."

The new prime minister proposed the following changes to the constitution which he said would lead to overwhelming approval by his countrymen, countrywomen and others:

* To give a greater sense belonging in the transnational government, the new name of the European Union shall be EuroNation (pronounced 'Your Own Nation')
* The flag of EuroNation, instead of a circle of twelve golden stars on a blue background, shall consist of a more traditional hammer, sickle and star in gold, against a red background.
* Instead of basing the anthem on Beethoven's 'Ode to Joy', the EuroNation anthem shall be based on the more familiar, less religious, Beatles' classic 'Back in the USSR'.
* The motto of the Union shall no longer be 'United in diversity' but rather the more poetic: 'Liberté, Égalité, Diversité'