[Babylon Bee] U.S.—The Babylon Bee has been a beloved source of satire for exactly 6,000 years. But its founder, Adam Ford, has thrown in the towel after tough competition from reality prevented him from effectively satirizing the news, prompting him to create a real news site instead, Disrn.
"How am I supposed to write satire? Seriously," Ford told reporters. "I mean, look at the news: Donald Trump is the president of the United States, a Commie bartender is in Congress, and seminaries are apologizing to plants. What's wrong with you people!?"
Ford tried to write satire every day but would discover his satirical idea had already been taken by an actual news organization. "Why don't we do a joke about the Democratic Socialists?" he said in the beginning of one writer's room meeting. "We could say that they all shouted, 'Personal point of privilege!' to interrupt the speeches at their conference whenever they're offended."
The other writers gently informed him that that was a real headline, however, and Ford threw up his hands in frustration. "Forget this!" he said, throwing a chair through a window. "I quit!" After walking around outside to cool off, Ford struck on an idea: reporting actual news through his new website, Disrn. Ford was quick to clarify, however, that he didn't choose to start up the real news site---God chose for him to create the site before the foundation of the world.
The Babylon Bee has continued on in his absence, with Seth Dillon, Kyle Mann, Ethan Nicolle, and the other members of the team limping along trying to get by without him. But it's "just not the same" without Ford's fearless attitude and willingness to ether anyone and anything on either side of an issue.
"It's been a lot of fun owning the libs since I bought the site," said Dillon. "But to be honest, I really miss Adam Ford."
#3
"We live in an age in which it is no longer possible to be funny. There is nothing you can imagine, no matter how ludicrous, that will not promptly be enacted before your very eyes, probably by someone well known."
#6
Sobs Union to wood of the cross,
"We're terribly sad for your loss...
But orders is orders."
Intrepid reporters:
"Prez sez, 'Take it up with the Boss!'"
Posted by: Charles ||
02/12/2020 9:43 Comments ||
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#8
With an election where the likes of Bernie Sanders, Peter Buttigieg, Elizabeth Warren and Joe Biden are taken seriously the truth really is stranger than fiction.
Posted by: Abu Uluque ||
02/12/2020 12:52 Comments ||
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#13
I'm not near as worried about this as some others. I'm not in high-pop state, we don't know what the hell is going on exactly in China because of course they're lying, and Americans are simply CLEANER than Asian countries.
Posted by: Charles ||
02/12/2020 17:39 Comments ||
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#14
The virus is completely contained in the United States. There have been no new cases in the wild in a couple of weeks. The last (13th) case was diagnosed from within the Miramar quarantine group. Indeed, 3 of the patients have already recovered. The 10 active cases that remain are in isolation.
China’s post-coronavirus economic landscape will look far different from today with profound political, economic, and social changes.
Chinese and foreign businesses will reduce operations while developing the type of emergency protocols and disaster recovery plans reserved for politically volatile countries in the extraction industries for future similar.
China’s government lack of credibility and inability to act rapidly to national emergencies may have planted the seeds of Hong Kong activism amongst the Mainlanders.
...With every business adversely impacted by the coronavirus outbreak, it's unlikely that any of them will want to return to pre-outbreak levels because of unprecedented demand destruction across all industries. Recovery and ramp-up will be painfully slow, and businesses will be justifiably quite cautious because it will be impossible to assess the cross-section of inter-connectivity and their unique industry-specific operational and financial abilities and needs. The challenge is that businesses usually face a supply issue, rarely a demand collapse which makes it difficult to project growth. No business is bad business.
...Chinese businesses may be more pragmatic and put in place internal protocols to handle future problems up to the point that it doesn't make the government lose face with respect to their inability to handle such dilemmas. The threshold will probably be not to distribute any future protocols rather they will be held privately by a tight trusted circle of executives.
Foreign businesses operating in China will reduce operations, develop emergency protocols and disaster recovery plans usually reserved for politically volatile countries. Employee evacuation plans are par for the course typical for companies operating in the extraction industries and will henceforth become standard procedure in China, the # 2 economy in the world.
#4
I wonder if China would be so audacious/evil as to create a deadly virus, infict it their own population for the purpose of thinning out the herd to deal with growing economic problems? In other words population control.
#5
between the trade conflict and the virus a lot of companies will be working on 2nd sourcing and this will hurt China
however, one relatively easy thing China could do (except for the cultural resistance) would be to ban the kind of live animal markets they currently have
another easy thing to do (except for the ego of the leadership) is to reduce the high level of govt revenue going to the military
Posted by: lord garth ||
02/12/2020 15:55 Comments ||
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#6
Magic 8-Ball says: "Not F'n Likely"
Posted by: Frank G ||
02/12/2020 19:28 Comments ||
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[Gateway] Conservative watchdog group Judicial Watch obtained 382 pages of documents showing former DAG Rod Rosenstein’s communications with US Attorney John Huber, Eric Holder, other senior Obama officials and liberal reporters leading up to his appointment of special counsel Robert Mueller. No, no, no congressman. I am NOT a POS !
John Huber, the US Attorney tapped by then-AG Jeff Sessions to probe the FBI’s handling of the Clinton Foundation investigation, praised Rosenstein on the eve of his Mueller appointment.
"Rod, we’re proud of you," Huber said to Rosenstein in a May 16, 2017 email.
The next day Rosenstein penned a scope memo authorizing Mueller as special counsel to investigate the Trump-Russia hoax.
Rosenstein was also communicating with liberal reporters and senior Obama officials praising him for appointing Mueller, all revealed in a tranche of emails obtained through a FOIA lawsuit.
These documents were obtained in response to a FOIA (Freedom of Information Act) lawsuit filed against the U.S. Department of Justice for all records of communications of Rosenstein between May 8 and May 17, 2017 (Judicial Watch v. U.S. Department of Justice (No. 1:19-cv-00481)).
[Babylon Bee] At a congressional hearing last week, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez began a long, brave rant against confusing idioms.
"This idea that you can wrap your head around something -- it's just not true. You can't wrap your head around something. You would get hurt."
Bewildered congresspeople looked at each other in awkward silence as Ocasio-Cortez continued.
"Believe me, I've tried," she added. "The best you can do is just bash your head into something. It's a physical impossibility."
The congresswoman ranted against several other idioms as well:
* Killing two birds with one stone: "This seems very unlikely unless you had, like, an illegal, semi-automatic rock thrower."
* It's a piece of cake: "A cake is actually pretty hard to make. And don't get me started on the garbage disposal."
* It's easy as pie: "I mean, like, seriously, that garbage disposal is pretty scary. Is there a law about these things? There oughta be a law."
* Last one there is a rotten egg: "I've been the last one in from recess plenty of times, and I've never once turned into a rotten egg. The other kids told me I did once, but I bit myself and did not taste like a rotten egg, just a little salty."
* You can't judge a book by its cover: "That's like, literally what the cover is for. I've read thousands of book covers."
* You can't lead a horse to water and make it drink: "You can! You totally can! But it's animal cruelty and so problematic."
* Shooting for the moon: "Both illegal and impossible."
* Wearing your heart on your sleeve: "This seems likely to cause severe injury or death, and then you'd need to go to Canada for healthcare."
Sadly, everyone had left the room when she finished and the automatic lights turned off, forcing Ocasio-Cortez to wave her hands to get them to turn back on.
Posted by: Frank G ||
02/12/2020 06:36 ||
Comments ||
Link ||
[4 views]
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#1
It says Bee, but is it really?
Posted by: Matt ||
02/12/2020 8:56 Comments ||
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An amusing read, dear Reader, though not intended to be funny.
[Jpost] According to the polls, Bernie Sanders ...The only first openly Socialist member of the U.S. Senate. Sanders was Representative-for-Life from Vermont until moving to the Senate for the rest of his life in 2006, assuming the seat vacated by Jim Jeffords. He ran for the 2016 nomination for president, to be cheated out of it by Hillary Clinton, then went back to being a socialist, waiting for 2020 to roll around... ‐ from neighboring Vermont ‐ would likely win that contest, adding to his near-win last week in Iowa.
As Paleostinian Authority President the ineffectual Mahmoud Abbas
Continued on Page 49
[MAIL] The CIA were able to read the secret messages of allies and enemies for decades after buying a Swiss company that owned the machines responsible for encrypting their codes.
A joint investigation published Tuesday by Germany's ZDF public broadcaster and The Washington Post shows that a firm called Crypto AG gave the CIA and West German spies access to the communications of more than 120 countries after making a multi-million dollar deal in the 1950s that Langley called the 'intelligence coup of the century'.
For more than 50 years, the CIA and West German intelligence helped rigged the devices sold to clients such as Iran, Latin American military juntas, India and Pakistan, so they could break their codes, steal secrets and take millions of dollars of their money. Our counterproliferation mission and 'day job' surely can wait. We're interested in making money, lots of money.
Agents controlled Crypto AG's hiring decisions, helped design the technology to their liking and manipulated the algorithms so they could sabotage the channels international customers had trusted the firm to keep under wraps.
#7
Not only Obumble. Clinton did his best to fuck them over as hard as possible by doing away with HUMINT (Human intelligence) and relying mostly on satellite pictures and communication intercepts.
[SaraCarter] Government prosecutor Joycelyn Ballantine filed an unexpected motion Sunday in the case against Michael Flynn for the express purpose of seeking to protect Flynn’s former defense team.
Yes, it’s true and in the prosecutor’s own words: Government prosecutors said in their filing they want “to make certain and clear that counsel [Covington & Burling] may take the necessary steps to vindicate their public reputation by addressing and defending against the defendant’s claims of ineffective assistance of counsel, and equally to vindicate the integrity of this Court’s previous proceedings, the government asks this court to issue the attached proposed order.”
Really? Now the US Attorney for the District of Columbia and the Department of Justice are in the business of protecting and working to protect the “public reputation” of Covington & Burling—a well-known international law firm based in DC? Do the new United States Attorney Timothy Shea and Attorney General William Barr know that federal prosecutors—who had already identified a serious conflict of interest held by Covington in the Flynn case—are subjecting Flynn to more proceedings now to protect Covington?
Posted by: 3dc ||
02/12/2020 00:00 ||
Comments ||
Link ||
[4 views]
Top|| File under: Tin Hat Dictators, Presidents for Life,
#1
Is protecting the reputation of a non-government law firm more important to our government and its prosecutors than seeking justice for a defendant?
This sounds insane.
Posted by: daniel ||
02/12/2020 2:09 Comments ||
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Posted by: Frank G ||
02/12/2020 7:12 Comments ||
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#8
My reading of this is the defense team were strongly pressured by the government (to disallow evidence, throw the case, who knows) and the government knows any kind of investigation will expose there criminality.
#14
Who recommended that Flynn hire Covington & Burling? Now the prosecution wants to protect Covington? That's unusual. Unless this was a set-up to get Flynn and Covington was in on it. What a bunch of treacherous weasels there are in D.C.
A multi-volume chronology and reference guide set detailing three years of the Mexican Drug War between 2010 and 2012.
Rantburg.com and borderlandbeat.com correspondent and author Chris Covert presents his first non-fiction work detailing
the drug and gang related violence in Mexico.
Chris gives us Mexican press dispatches of drug and gang war violence
over three years, presented in a multi volume set intended to chronicle the death, violence and mayhem which has
dominated Mexico for six years.
Rantburg was assembled from recycled algorithms in the United States of America. No
trees were destroyed in the production of this weblog. We did hurt some, though. Sorry.
Ref #5: ...woman desperately screams after being put into a metal box...
[Babylon Bee] At a congressional hearing last week, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez began a long, brave rant against confusing idioms.
...The 
[MAIL] The CIA were able to read the secret messages of allies and enemies for decades after buying a Swiss company that owned the machines responsible for encrypting their codes.
[SaraCarter] Government prosecutor Joycelyn Ballantine filed an unexpected motion Sunday in the case against Michael Flynn for the express purpose of seeking to protect Flynn’s former defense team.
