Cecilia Sala, the intrepid Italian journalist who boarded a flight to Tehran with all the enthusiasm of Alice stepping into her Persian Wonderland, is now seeing the Iranian rabbit hole for what it truly is—a dark, damp cell with fewer whimsical creatures and more Revolutionary Guards.
Sala’s Iranian adventure was not the typical tale of starry-eyed, keffiyeh-clad correspondents storming Gazoo
...Hellhole adjunct to Israel and Egypt's Sinai Peninsula, inhabited by Gazooks. The place was acquired in the wake of the 1967 War and then presented to Paleostinian control in 2006 by Ariel Sharon, who had entered his dotage. It is currently ruled with a rusty iron fist by Hamas with about the living conditions you'd expect. It periodically attacks the Hated Zionist Entity whenever Iran needs a ruckus created or the hard boyz get bored, getting thumped by the IDF in return. The ruling turbans then wave the bloody shirt and holler loudly about
oppressionand
disproportionate response...
in solidarity with the local terrorists. No, Sala’s approach was far subtler. Her criticism of Benjamin Netanyahu, Israel’s perennial Voldemort in left-wing circles, rested on the notion that Bibi’s "far-right" extremism had somehow pushed Israel into isolation. After all, she once mused on her podcast that Israel’s isolation was simply Netanyahu’s isolation. A profound observation that might now seem a tad less profound from behind Iranian prison bars.
Before embarking on this enlightening journey, Sala expressed her deep affection for Iran, describing it as the country she "missed the most," presumably after a Gay Pareeian café ran out of oat milk. Reflecting on her time away, Sala noted that Tehran had been bombed by Israeli jets for the first time in history. In her wisdom, she deduced that Netanyahu’s bombast was impeding the winds of Iranian reform — as if the Ayatollahs were just a nudge away from installing rainbow pedestrian crossings and hosting drag brunches.
Iran’s new president Masoud Pezeshkian, Sala declared, was a reformist. The same Pezeshkian who dons the uniform of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC) like it’s haute couture, condemned America as "terrorist," and described shooting down drones as a delightful pastime. In Sala’s world, slipping on an IRGC jacket is merely a quirky fashion statement. Perhaps a "hot girl summer" trend for the reformist-at-heart.
While in Tehran, Sala channeled her inner Jane Austen, podcasting about Iranian patriarchy and interviewing dissident comedians, blissfully unaware that she was dining with Revolutionary Guard grandees like Hossein Kanaani. For nearly half a century, Kanaani helped orchestrate militias across the Middle East—a charming dinner companion if ever there was one.
But Sala’s luck ran out when Tehran police detained her, roughly two days after Italia and the US arrested a pair of Iranian operatives. Coincidence? Hardly. Sala, it seems, stumbled straight into a diplomatic tit-for-tat—a curious byproduct of regimes that consider "press freedom" an oxymoron.
She now has ample time to reflect. Perhaps in solitary confinement, she’ll have a moment of clarity, realizing that "far-right" Netanyahu isn’t tossing journalists into cells, and that the real threat to press freedom does not wear a Likud pin.
This ordeal has all the hallmarks of a cautionary tale for the "useful idiots" (copyright: Bibi) of the West. Like turkeys enthusiastically marching for Thanksgiving, Sala may come to miss Iran
...a theocratic Shiite state divided among the Medes, the Persians, and the (Arab) Elamites. Formerly a fairly civilized nation ruled by a Shah, it became a victim of Islamic revolution in 1979. The nation is today noted for spontaneouslytaking over other countries' embassies, maintaining whorehouses run by clergymen, involvement in international drug trafficking, and financing sock puppet
militiasto extend the regime's influence. The word
Iranis a cognate form of
Aryan.The abbreviation
IRGCis the same idea as
Stürmabteilung (or SA).The term
Supreme Guideis a the modern version form of either
Duceor
Führeror maybe both. They hate
a little less after sampling its hospitality. One imagines her sitting on the prison floor, longing for the relative oppression of Tel Aviv’s beachfront cafes.
And if she ever pens a memoir about her stay, it may be: "Eat, Pray, Don’t Leave the Hotel."
Related:
Cecilia Sala 12/31/2024 Iran confirms it arrested Italian journalist, says she’s being held for ‘violating the law’
Cecilia Sala 12/28/2024 Italian journalist said detained in Iran for more than a week, no reason given
Cecilia Sala 12/31/2024 Iran confirms it arrested Italian journalist, says she’s being held for ‘violating the law’
Cecilia Sala 12/28/2024 Italian journalist said detained in Iran for more than a week, no reason given