| [PUBLISH.TWITTER] I've said this before, and it bears repeating: Anywhere violent criminals are incarcerated should have gourmet chefs and inmates should be consuming a minimum of 4000 high-fat calories a day, preferably 6000. No one should leave prison without heart disease, diabetes, and/or a fifty inch waist. No one three hundred pounds or larger can hump a weapon all day unless it's a fork or maybe a needle. (Important safety tip: Don't stand too close!) Cake, pie, and ice cream should be a part of every meal to include breakfast and at least two snacks a day. |