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-Signs, Portents, and the Weather- |
Think You Have Monkeypox? Watch For These Ten Strange Symptoms |
2022-05-24 |
[Bee] Monkeypox is here! EVERYONE PANIC! You thought COVID wasn't a big deal? Well, get ready to spend every waking moment of your life in constant terror for fear that the next person you run into might have a rare disease with a low transmission rate. Think you might have it? Diagnose yourself by consulting these symptoms: 1) A mild headache: Run for your life! YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD! 2) You've been to England in the last six months: You might also be British, which is another problem altogether. 3) Italian plumbers make you FURIOUS: Throwing all those barrels is making you super buff, though. 4) You pick a bug out of your wife's hair and eat it: Helpful but gross. Don't do that. 5) You become confused and angry every time you see a monolith: WHAT DOES IT MEAN? 6) All of your pants are at the tailor to have a hole added for your tail: If you haven't figured it out by now—you're a monkey. Sad. 7) You just got back from a tour of Dr. Fauci's Wuhan Monkeypox Lab: Duct tape is not a valid tool for air sealing a room against viral infection. 8) A tiny monkey bursts out of your chest: If you had the vaccine, the monkey would have exploded out of your body but in a slightly more mild way. 9) You insist that selectively bred bananas are evidence of creation: An atheist's nightmare! Mic drop! 10) Zero symptoms: Better quarantine just to be safe. In the end, it doesn't matter what your symptoms are, if you die, you'll be recorded as a monkeypox statistic. |
Posted by:Frank G |
#5 Nurses begin practicing your tiktok lines! |
Posted by: swksvolFF 2022-05-24 16:36 |
#4 Suddenly start watching MSNBC and looking in closets and under beds for hiding 'theocons and neocons'? |
Posted by: magpie 2022-05-24 15:51 |
#3 Suddenly picturing people walking around wearing nothing but a blue barrel and a DK mask, doing Covid plague doctor cosplay stuff. |
Posted by: swksvolFF 2022-05-24 15:14 |
#2 Monkeypox is spread by people playing DongyKong. Fact! |
Posted by: ed in texas 2022-05-24 13:55 |
#1 I think anyone who tests positive for monkey pox should quarantine in a giant blue plastic barrel. |
Posted by: Super Hose 2022-05-24 12:57 |